PILES, HOW DO YOU CURE THEM?

[Artist]

Dear All

Gis us a hint.

I get anymore laid back I'll sprain me neck.

This might sound funny to some, but I kid you not.

It's a pain in the arse for lots of people. I'm one. Shitting sideways for Britain is not fun.

My hero Spike Milligan had them. (no wonder he spent so much time talking to 'trick cyclists')

Aye steve evans

[mogoloyo]

Steve...Get 'em cut out.....I did and I've never looked "back"...scuse the pun

[Madmick]

go on the train have a hard hit in the dunny and remain on the dunny seat when you flush the piles will wrap around the axel and bobs your uncle!!

[Mike]

Madmik, when were you last on a train bog? Its all changed these days, Don' y know, gone are the days when a dump went strait to the sleepers and rails below, and you could'nt pass a stool while in a station, now a days there is little or no suction. If you want a good backdraft I would suggest a civil aircraft at at least 30000ft, the porblem here is that you may also suffer a prolapse in which case you would need a piece of well oiled 4x2 and a pull through... Oh and a pussers sail mending kit.....all of which sounds bloody painfull.
So Steve I would disregatd Madmik's suggestion and go for the surgery.

Oh and Happy Christmas to you motly lot
Aye

[Rotary Booty]

'Surgery' consists of two bricks, keeping your thumbs well out of the way, as well as any other dangly bits that you definitely do NOT want crushed.

[El Prez]

Well put sir, I can assure Steve that if my cd doesn't make it home then his piles will be the least of his concerns
We have one of those new fangled plassy crimbo trees, they seem about the ideal bore for a Booty's bum. There's always got to be a first time Steve.

[tony dean]

"They seem about the ideal bore for a bootys bum"


I've got a cracking joke revolveing around the "fairy on the christmas tree" theme, but I dont think i'll bother!.....

[El Prez]

Not worth it, it's on the jokes pages!

[Anodrog]

Many years ago on site there was a steam operated pile driver ( though who would want to drive piles is beyond my comprehension, I had enough trouble learning to drive a motorcar)

From what I gather if they are that painful the only thing is the knife
I'm sure if you have a word with Rob he'll let you have nursey for a day or two

[tony dean]

"not worth it, its on the joke page"

DOH!!!



Steve, surely theres some cream avalible nowadays?

Failing that you could always pick up a copy of the highly amuseing "VIZ" comic, and look out for the character "nobby piles"

[Wully]

Knew a guy who went to Germany to have his piles seen to. His treatment consisted of the surgeon wrapping elastic bands around the piles and then waiting for them to wither and drop off. Mind you you walk funny for a while!!

So have a look outside for some of the old elastic bands the postie drops and you could do the job yourself

[El Prez]

I once worked alongside a former Crab who had severe surgery for piles; he described the surgical technique as having a hand forced up your arse until it splits, creating a fissure. I'm thinking of branching out of Gynaecology, but nowhere near botty surgery. Breast enhancement, now there's an area close to my heart, and nose and mouth.

Syrup of Figs, Steve, unless you are built of stern stuff!

[Wully]

Don't know about Syrup of Figs Rob, but my old mother-in-law used to swear by Liquid Paraffin - a large dose taken orally and often :laola: (just wanted to use Jay's new emoticon!!)