THE PERFECT DAY

[The Swagman]

FOR HER,

8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
8:30 Weigh in 2 pounds lighter than yesterday
8:45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants, open presents - expensive jewelry chosen by thoughtful partner
9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil
10:00 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry
12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe
12:45 Catch sight of partner's ex and notices she has gained 17 pounds
1:00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit
3:00 Nap
4:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist, card is from secret admirer
4:15 Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong, but gentle hunk, who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body
5:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before full length mirror
7:30 Candle-lit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/dancers
10:00 Hot shower (alone)
10:50 Carried to bed. . . (freshly ironed, crisp, new, white linen)
11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
11:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms

FOR HIM,

6:15 Blow job
6:30 Massive satisfying dump while reading the sports section
7:00 Breakfast: steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by naked, buxom wench who bends over a lot showing her growler
7:30 Limo arrives
7:45 Several beers en-route to airport
9:15 Flight in personal Lear Jet ( blow job by beautiful flight attendant)
9:30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club
9:45 Play front nine - 2 under
11:45 Lunch: steak and lobster, 3 beers and a bottle of Dom Perignon
12:30 Play back nine - 4 under
2:15 Limo back to the airport (several bourbons)
2:30 Fly to Bahamas
3:30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all naked female crew, who also bend over a lot displaying growlers
4:30 Land world record Marlin (1,234lbs) - on light tackle
5:00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle McPherson
7:00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated
7:30 Dinner: lobster appetizers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy fillet steak followed by ice-cream served on a big pair of tits
9:00 Napoleon Brandy and Habanos cigar in front of wall-size TV as you watch baseball game
11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and favorite beer
11:30 A night cap blow job
11:45 In bed alone
11:50 A 22 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room
11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep

[45commandorm]

whats that got to do with bootnecks?

[The Swagman]

Well even they can have a perfect day. One day maybe you'll have one.

[Sisyphus]

11:30 A night cap blow job
11:45 In bed alone
11:50 A 22 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room
11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep

Have you thought of counselling? So, after a blow job at 1130 [it's not clear if you're giving it or receiving it ] you're in bed alone fifteen minutes later.

So he or she has given/recieved a blow job and 15 mins later he/she has left.

The length of the fart might be important but are you sure it was only 22 seconds? Where do you keep the stopwatch to record such things?

I'd laugh too, if I didn't feel the need to cry at such *&^****

[The Swagman]

The biggest worry for me was catching VD. Look what happened.
I caught you Syphilis.

[harry hackedoff]

Rock, you can say bollocks mate, this bif thinks the sun shines out of his trousers.

[La Langosta]

So, after a blow job at 1130 [it's not clear if you're giving it or receiving it ] you're in bed alone fifteen minutes later.

So he or she has given/recieved a blow job and 15 mins later he/she has left.

Maybe it was the dog that gave/got the blowjob

[Seraph]

massage and hand job by naked Elle McPherson

Handjob!?
Nah, make that another BJ!

11:45 In bed alone

Soooooo true

Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated

LOL!!

[Hyperlithe]

So neither his perfect day, nor her's, involves good sex?
Something wrong there somewhere...

[The Swagman]

Hyper, Syphilis in fact has already established further back that it isn't clear if he was in bed with a male of female.
Try and keep up mate.

[Hyperlithe]

That wasn't my point, I don't care if you're in bed with a dead camel.
My prefect day would have to include good sex with someone I loved, who loved me back.
Maybe you should try meeting some women before you try and tell us what our perfect day includes!
Your version sounds pretty dull...

[harry hackedoff]

[Holger Danske]

What's up, Bert..??

[harry hackedoff]

My point is what the ferk is this shite doing up here?
And by the way, can I be the first to say what a positive contribution Swagman is making, how we ever managed without him is er, ooh yawn excuse me is that really the time
ZZZZZzzzzZzZZZZzzzZZZzZzzz

[The Swagman]

Hahahahahahhah!