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Being Gay in the army -What is it REALLY like, truthfully?

General discussions on joining & training in the British Army.
kzy86
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Being Gay in the army -What is it REALLY like, truthfully?

Post by kzy86 »

Hi I have applied online via the army website and have sent my application form off. I'm am primarilly interested in joining the RMP's. I'm 23 and I am gay. I was just wondering if anyone could offer me some realistic advice on how 'out' members of the army in all job types within all regiments are treated? I am a strong person and I know I potentially have the right qualities to hopefully get into the RMP's as I used to be a civilian Police Officer and have a lot of other relevant work experience which should hopefully help me.

Rather than saying I am nervous, I am a little bit apprehensive about people asking the dreaded question, "So do you have a girlfriend then?" It has taken ALOT of convincing to try and bring my mum and dad around the fact that I want to join the army and frankly, they are still convinced that it is a predominatly institutionally homophobic organisation that is simply painted over by the government as being an 'equal opportunities employer'. I'm also not convinced that life will be straightforward (pardon the pun!), should i tell my future colleagues that I am gay. I am proud of who I am, but I am concerned, more so about the 'old arses' in the army who are from a generation where ridiculing the gay community was not only a normal way of life, but in some institutions a requirement. I even read of an old army document on wikipedia from years ago which was actually a government leaflet warning of 'the Dangers of Homosexuals in the military' with unbelievable quotes in including this one: "But all in all, look out for signs of make up wearing and feminine behaviour. This is a tell-tale sign of homosexual behaviour and shall not be tolerated nor go unpunished'. I cannot believe that this text is from the 20th century. I regard myself as 'straight acting', but i hate using that term because it is not an act, it is just me. I do not try to be gay or try to be straight. I am just simply me.
It also doesn't help when many army career leaflets pride themselves on noting that 'racism, sexism, ageism will not be tolerated', but in all i've looked at so far, no mention of sexual orientation. Is this deliberate or am i just being paranoid? You'd think they they would include this to reassure people like me. The 'laddish' culture is obviously to be expected, but i am 'laddish' myself so i can't see how i couldn't fit in. I just don't want to feel uncomfortable about talking about relationships and that. Alot of people have advised me not to tell anyone, but i'm really bad at lying and would rather tell the truth even if it means getting grief from people.

I am hopeful that times have obviously moved on since then. What i want to know is, are there a large number of gay personnel within the army? And if so do you know any as friends/colleagues and what have their experiences been like? Have they ever had any negative experiences because of who they are? Has anyone ever had any promotion problems because of this?

Thank you for your help everyone :)
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Tab
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Re: Being Gay in the army -What is it REALLY like, truthfull

Post by Tab »

You are what you are, don't hide it but don't camp it up and behave your self on base
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Re: Being Gay in the army -What is it REALLY like, truthfull

Post by kzy86 »

You see, that is exactly the problem.
You ASSUME that i will 'camp it up' as you put it.
You ASSUME that i won't behave myself on base. -And by the way just what are you insinuating exactly? I'd love to know. Do reply
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Re: Being Gay in the army -What is it REALLY like, truthfull

Post by Tab »

I did not say you would camp it up or misbehave, what I did say is don't do these things. If you ask for advice and get then read the post and not assume it says what you think it does
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Re: Being Gay in the army -What is it REALLY like, truthfull

Post by timex »

kzy86 wrote:You see, that is exactly the problem.
You ASSUME that i will 'camp it up' as you put it.
You ASSUME that i won't behave myself on base. -And by the way just what are you insinuating exactly? I'd love to know. Do reply
Wow, talk about taking a reply the wrong way...its simple advice.
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Re: Being Gay in the army -What is it REALLY like, truthfull

Post by kzy86 »

It is not an over reaction. If anything you are over reacting. Saying 'Don't camp it up' is patronising and you should consider that before you type it. Simply stating one liners is not good advice it is laziness, because you do not want to approach the subject.

And saying 'behave yourself'. ELABORATE. What does that even mean? Think about what you are typing. Stating the obvious! You're in the army of course you're supposed to behave yourself.

I don't mean to cause offence or annoy and i'm sorry if i've come accross that way.
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Re: Being Gay in the army -What is it REALLY like, truthfull

Post by MSI64 »

Its Simple, Dont make a big thing about your sexuality and no one will care!
Homophonia happens in all walks of life, so please dont expect the Armed forces to be perfect, however a system is in place if you feel your are being discriminated against.
Go into it with an open mind and you will be fine.
Your not special because your Gay and please dont expect people to treat you that way. Be tolerant of how others may feel.
If you hav e a sense of humour you should be fine. Dont take every comment to heart and nevertake it personal. I have been called Gay/Fat/Spick/Greaser (Non of which are true BTW) and a hundred other names in the time I have served.
Your sexuality is your own personal business and should be kept that way, if you bring it into work then prepare to get a ribbing.
Good luck in your application.
Courage which goes against military expediency is stupidity, or, if it is insisted upon by a commander, irresponsibility."

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Tab
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Re: Being Gay in the army -What is it REALLY like, truthfull

Post by Tab »

I have long sinced learned that the best reply is the shortest and most direct. The more you try and write on any subject the more you leave your self open for these type of criticism
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Re: Being Gay in the army -What is it REALLY like, truthfull

Post by ofens »

Have to agree with TAB here.
He's in no way patronising or insulting you, he is giving you straight to the point advice, answering your question directly.
Try and see it for what it is, looks like you've read something into it that isn't there.
I was going to respond with a bit of light humour but it doesn't look like your ego could handle it - which is a shame.

Sincerely, good luck with your application, if you measure up to the requirements and can be good at the job then there's no reason why you should have to feel uncomfortable. Bullying is massively frowned on these days.
Get stuck in and do your best :)

But I would suggest that you get a grip and grow a sense of humour whilst your application is underway.
If you can't take honest advice from someone trying to help, then when someone rips the p*** out of you (and they will, everyone gets it, for myriad reasons) you won't last 5 minutes.
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Re: Being Gay in the army -What is it REALLY like, truthfull

Post by MSI64 »

Totally agree, you definatly need to get a sense of humour.
If you bite at every turn (No Innuendo meant) you wont last five minutes. And that goes for anybody who joins Gay or straight!!
Courage which goes against military expediency is stupidity, or, if it is insisted upon by a commander, irresponsibility."

"So long as one isn't carrying one's head under one's arm, things aren't too bad."

Erwin Rommel (Desert Fox)
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Re: Being Gay in the army -What is it REALLY like, truthfull

Post by AIRBUS »

Maybe I’m best suited to answer your questions!

1 I’m gay

2 I’m an RMP

3 My Partner is also RMP.

check ur PM's ! :snipersmile:
So you want peace ? Freedom ?
never together
kzy86
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Re: Being Gay in the army -What is it REALLY like, truthfull

Post by kzy86 »

I'm afraid i'm sorry to say that i'm still frustrated at your replies, which once again are filled with PRESUMPTIONS.
You ASSUME i have no sense of humour -well i'm joining the bloody army
You ASSUME that i will boast about and use my sexuality as a means of furthering my career -which i have absolutely no intention of doing. Why would I want to draw attention to myself like a 5 year old?
You ASSUME that i will assume that everyone in the army is homophobic
You ASSUME that i will enter into the army with a stupified belief that I will not encounter any problems and will not have a laugh with anyone. What am i? A robot?

By the way Mr 'Moderator', with the utmost respect, you seem to have overlooked the homophobic stories of people in ranks of responsibility allowing a private to beaten up by his colleagues, in a previous post that is still on this website for all to see, laugh at and in some places agree with.

May I be the mock journalist and say, Do you have anything you'd like to add?
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Re: Being Gay in the army -What is it REALLY like, truthfull

Post by timex »

Their have been numerous people in the Armed Forces who have been gay, the ones I knew of were some of the best Soldiers I ever worked with.. None of them proclaimed what they were, they did their job and got on with their Careers.

If you can do that you'll be fine.
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Re: Being Gay in the army -What is it REALLY like, truthfull

Post by MSI64 »

Why come on here and ask questions if your not going to be happy with the answers.
If you dont mention your gay in the Army then it will be a non issue, simple really.
Or do you want to join up and then stand up in the bar and tell everyone your gay?
Courage which goes against military expediency is stupidity, or, if it is insisted upon by a commander, irresponsibility."

"So long as one isn't carrying one's head under one's arm, things aren't too bad."

Erwin Rommel (Desert Fox)
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Re: Being Gay in the army -What is it REALLY like, truthfull

Post by Hyperlithe »

You're talking about a thread which was started 7 years ago, by somebody who isn't even a member any more, resurrected 4 years ago, by someone who isn't a member any more either, which you then found while (I'm going to assume here, sorry) you were sensibly doing a search for the subject you're now asking about. We can't go through all the archives and delete every thread which contains things that are going to offend people. You have to remember that that post was made by one guy who was a complete plank, and it's not a reflection of any wider atmosphere either on here or in the Armed Forces.

I don't give a toss what anyone does outside of working hours, as long as they do their job properly and have a professional attitude. I've worked with a few lesbians, and not even known it at the time, because it's NOT RELEVANT!!
It's only an issue if you make it one.
Honestly haven't heard of anyone gay having any problems since I've been in, other than the occasional case of over-sensitivity...
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