Hia every one please let me introduce myself I am married to a retired Royal Marine, and have received all of the benefits that goes with him! I only wish they were all good. I married Mike 10 years ago and sadley didn't get to see the world or expereince all of the mess life.....I came on the scene when all of the good times had been had ! and Jo-Ann came along to pick up the pieces, I remember him saying in our courting days " You don't want to see my anger, but then I won't get angry with you" nice quote huh, and of course i didn't give it a second thought at the time though I didn't know that he had just wrecked his I'M A SCAMMER SPAMMER!!! the one that he shared with his then wife.........
Off course I should have seen the flashing lights saying no entry, but the old saying goes Love is blind, I suppose we would excuse a teenager from making a bad descision, but a then 32 year old should know better especially as I had been married before ! This is not easy to write because I have to look at it and realise the situation as it is! so I will end now and get back to you another day when I am a little more composed.
Regards Jo-Ann
Hia I am married to a retired 'Royal' I too have PTSD but by proxy Well this is the reason for this cry to all of you who really understand what I mean. Well the 'BUCK ' stops here and I'm on a campaign to sort it.
This Jo-Ann is one of the reasons why I'm going for the court case.
As I have said elsewhere we do not as men talk about our problems etc openly to one another.
BUT
One of the other things is that .. Yes I have been given treatment for MY problem and am being looked after ..... BUT ... Who looks after the carer????
Cos without the carer as an individual you start to go under.... But ... The carer takes as much abuse (and a lot of it is mental) as anyone cos you hapen to be nearest and easiest to go for.
Hello mental punch bag.
Allegedly the Corps has now taken this onboard but when you look at the case of Greyman/Colours the system is still failing greatly.
Not only that G/C's wife was phoning the RSM telling him that there was a problem as well. but it was all falling on deaf ears.
Anyway there is a meal awaiting when you come by.
And that will get all the tounges wagging .... pity HH has gone on his hols cos he would have a comment in 2 secs flat.
o-an, welcome aboard.
I can but only sypathise about the feeling thast you arein, though assure me there is light at the end of the tunnel.
I am also an ex-booty on my second marriage, got married in 85 after coming out. was a very bitter and twisted person, obviously had major problems though no one was bothered.
hence marriage number two I was fortunate to meet a loving and caring person, though nearly blew it, she tells me how when I had a break-down and finally agreed to seek help, it was put down to PTSD.
A year later I was nearly a normal person though still not right.
my wife tells me how she could not face coming home some days, as she never knew what mood I would be in.
if it was not for her I probably would not be here today as I was so ill I doused myself in petrol and lot it.
I know you are probably wondering what the point of this is, though if your fella could find some one to talk about things it will help both of you.
I agree totally that it is a tough situation as when we go of it, it is the partner that suffers, at the time it is probably not meant.
I seek a lot of solace by browsing this web site and realise there are a lot of people in the same boat.
I am trying to persuade my wife to reply to this as she has been in the same situation as me.
Well done for having the guts to post this.
Hia Frank. (I like that name better it's kinda more friendly hope its ok?)
Thanks everso for your reply and I will continue the letter when I have the courage to write it and of course Mike my husband will read it and I don't know how he will cope with the facts hard as they are, and I would have to use strong language because at times they are the only ones that seem to come close to the feelings... and I would have to admit that at times I have hated him.....a feeling I'm scared off, he is now reading this over my shoulder I wonder how he feels and does he care?
Please speak to your wife about contacting me there is so much we can share I know it wont make the problem go away but its sometimes reassuring that other people have felt the same way we are not alone.... I have to say to everyone please please please don't attempt to be everything to your husband WE can't be a physico.... the passifyer the lover the wife the marriage maker doctor and cope we must remember not to try and don't what ever allow someone who's got no idea make you feel inadequate , tell them to f@#k OFF and I mean that from a very passive wife who loves Dogs. I'm really, all pink and fluffy.
All for now Jo-Ann its raining at the moment.
Last edited by Jo-Ann on Tue 02 Jul, 2002 10:30 am, edited 1 time in total.
Hia I am married to a retired 'Royal' I too have PTSD but by proxy Well this is the reason for this cry to all of you who really understand what I mean. Well the 'BUCK ' stops here and I'm on a campaign to sort it.
Hi Jo Ann, Great to see you here, I guess that, like your Mike, you need to TALK, well you've started,and Like the great man said 'All great journies start with one step'Get Mike to read through these PTSD threads, there are many words of wisdom found here and very little CRAP
and while on the subject of profundities (which we were'nt) IF YOU WANT TO SWARE...BLOODY...GO AHEAD... I guess we have all heard it before and even some of us understand builders french
AYE
The Honourable Lord Mike of Loch Borralan
.........................Because I AM Worth IT..xxxx.......Never Mistake Motion for Action
I downloaded you first message, when I first read it yesterday, I did not want to jump in with both feet until I had time to 'read between the lines' a bit.
First of all you yourself have made a huge leap by deciding to knuckle down and do something. It is clear you love Mike very much and that you want to help him. The next think is to make that clear to him, because strong as you might wish to be you cannot do it if he does not want help. So your going to have to coax that out of him.
The question of symptoms, prognosis, tactics etc are not ones to be addressed here. They are for you AND Mike to address and slowly work out. I do however entirely support the point about trying to get Mike to view the PTSD thread. You will find that it will be like switching on a light bulb.
Dont expect miracles, or instant reactions (although it may happen), just one step at a time -
Its a bit like an infants learning to walk, one day they look around and notice that others are walking and they are still on the floor, so they start practising at standing, holding on to things at first. Once they have mastered the art of standing, they try and move one foot, etc, etc......
They fall down alot on the way, they get hurt, they cry - they need comforting and encouragement. But eventually.............
Then they learn to run, then etc, etc,...........
PM on way.
Good Luck, be patient, be strong, trust in your faith both in God and your marriage.
hello, You have been very brave. well done.
Say what you like if it makes you feel better. Everyone who contributes to this forum understands the agonies that you must have gone through.
My wife has been my rock, but has also suffered due to my behaviour over the years.
Talking and reading will help. Im sure Mike would benefit if he took time to read the comments on the site.
Ive always recommended a book= Overcoming Traumatic Stress by Claudia Herbert and Ann Wetmore.
This book has a chapter about carers and gives good advice on how to try and help yourself. Try and get a copy.
Hi,
I'd just like to mention that although i'm sure the wives, partners etc of PTSD suffer a great deal, nobody ever really considers what it's like for the children. Having to watch the man that you admire so much (my Dad) become an emotional wreck who cannot deal with you being close to him has changed my life forever.
I'm trying to do something with my life to change it, by studying psychology at university, focusing on the military psychology my main aim is to understand why life was too much for my Dad.
These men need not only more help, but the stigma attached to PTSD needs to be removed so they will LET US HELP THEM. My Dad didn't want help, he just wanted to forget, and in the process left his famliy behind.
I don't really know why i've told you this, but i hope it makes sense and stops somebody else hurting their child.
Many times I’ve said that behind every victim there is a victim’s family. We don`t often touch on what that means, openly, on this forum. The reality of everyday life with a person who is detached, perhaps abusive, perhaps violent, where there once was a loving parent/partner.
Day to day, every day, in your face.
One thing I’ve learned in life,K3, is that it’s never too late. No matter how big the chasm between people, there is always, always a way across. The Welfare department at Combat Stress would love to hear from you.
Please don`t be afraid to ask them. They can help you.
If you need to talk to one of us, please use the "private message” route, rather than posting on here.
Whatever you decide, good luck to you.
Aye, Harry
