highly upset with unit welfare

[lonely]

My husband and I are highly dissappointed in our unit welfare system, and have lost all trust towards it.

I have been to hospital, am still in severe pain, am unable to look after myself let alone our one year old daughter, and I´m pregnant with a risk pregnancy and loads of pregnancy related problems too.

The unit however, didnt even inform my husband that I was in hospital, even though the liasion officer and wellfare officer came to see me. My husband only found out that I had been to hospital cause he phoned me when I was home again, two days later. Another two days on, he still hasnt been told anything, and if he hadnt phoned me, he´d still be none the wiser!!

The unit is aware of the difficult situation Im in, but are not willing to bring him back from theater early (he´s due to come back at end of july). They offered to bring him out now for a week, but he´ll have to go back once my pain is better. They know that the docs said I cant carry on as before and need more support, yet they´re not willing to bring him back for longer than a week, and even that would be classed as his rnr!! They offered to TRY and bring him out in a few weeks time without him then having to return back to theater. That would give us about 3 weeks less apart, but still leaves me with the problem, what to do until then. I cant lift my daughter, and even when the pain is gone, the doctors have said I musnt continue the way I have, and strongly advised for my husband to return.

Im not even that upset that he wont be coming home just yet, I´ll somehow find a way to cope, but I can not believe that he wasnt even informed that I was in hospital with severe pains, and our daughter being shuffed from pillar to post.

Has anyone experienced anything similiar, or can agree that this is outrageous?? We´re really really upset by it and have lost all faith in the wellfare system.

Lonely wifey

[flo]

The unit welfare would have seen that you had support in the fact that your daughter was not in hospital with you and probably at a friends. It could also have been possible that your husband who is in theatre was not obtainable due to operational commitments and that is why he only found out when he phoned you. Im not standing up for the welfare system as i know they can and do Fark up but they would have looked at every angle. If the doctors thought that you were a high ristk pregnancy then they would have kept you in the hospital and then the welfare system would have stpped in to help. But the Marines also have wifes who are registered foster carers for events just like this, and they may deem that if you are too ill to look after your daughter they may suggest that she goes into temp foster care depending on whether your husband can be spared from operational commitments. Im sorry if this sounds harsh but it is the way the system works. Life in a green suit!! Unfortuantely too many wifes in the past have pulled welfare cases for little and sometimes no reason so its no surprise that they have stamped down. (And im not suggesting you have done so) but you will get by. Are you living on a married patch, where about? Also many HIVES can put you in touch with HOMESTART which is run by qualified people for exactly this sort of emergency.

When i was pregnant with my 3 children, trust me not one pregnancy went as planned and my hubby was away for all of them, despite my having the other children to look after, friends and neighbours are a godsend and will not mind if you ask for help.

Here are some usefull addresses, as im not sure of your location ive covered all the Cdo areas.

Exmouth AreaWithycombe Clinic
89 Withycombe Village Road
Exmouth
Devon
EX8 3AA
Tel: 01395 265 969
Email: home-Start.exmouth@care4free.net
Website: http://www.home-startexmouth.co.uk For lympstone,

North Devon35C Bear Street
BARNSTAPLE
Devon
EX32 7BZ
Tel: 01271 373000
Email: mail@homestart-northdevon.eclipse.co.uk For Cdo Log Reg and FRGRM

North SomersetThe For all Healthy Living Centre
68 Lonsdale Avenue
Weston-Super-Mare
Somerset
BS23 3SJ
Tel: 01934 427544
Fax: 01934 427628
Email: homestartns@forallhlc.org For 40 Cdo RM

South East Dorset1462 Wimborne Rd
Kinson
BOURNEMOUTH
Dorset
BH10 7AS
Tel: 01202 574 877
Fax: 01202 582 301
Email: office@homestartsoutheastdorset.org.uk For RM Poole

West Devon3B Paddons Row
The Old Dairy
TAVISTOCK
Devon
PL19 0HF
Tel: 01822 614232
Email: homestart.westdevon@btopenworld.com For 42 Cdo and 539

StirlingOffice 1, 6 Munro Road
Springkerse Ind Est
STIRLING
Stirlingshire
FK7 7UU
Tel: 01786 445314
Fax: 01786 450554
Email: brenda@homestartstirling.co.uk
Website: http://www.home-start.stirling.care4free.net For 45 Cdo RM

Glasgow North West76 Dunard Street
Maryhill
GLASGOW
Lanarkshire
G20 6SH
Tel: 0141 948 0441
Fax: 0141 948 0445
Email: homestart.glasgownorthwest@tesco.net
Website: http://www.homestartglasgownorthwest.org.uk Commachio Group

You also will have your local HIVE information officer who can assist as well.

[Sticky Blue]

Get your doctor to speak to the CO or Chaplain... Doctors do carry weight and I sympathise with your situation; I've been in a similar situation.
As Flo said, ask your neighbours and use the system that exists. It may seem that there is no light but please use friends to help, friends don't mind and will help. They won't know you need help unless you ask. They will worry they are sticking their nose in and you are too shy to ask. They are their and waiting to help, ask them...

[harry hackedoff]

I've been in a similar situation.

You Bandys never cease to amaze me

[lonely]

When I first went into hospital my daughter was looked after by my mum who´s in a wheelchair! After that, my friend took a couple of days off work but couldnt take off any more. For many reasons, there is noone else who can look after her for more than a couple of hours here or there. The families officer was informed about that and seemed genuinly concerned about it.

The doctors themselves also told him that I was not allowed to carry on the way things had been the last few weeks, and strongly suggested for my husband to return. All I mean with that is, that the unit was well aware of the difficult situation.

It is not a high risk pregnancy, just a normal risk pregnancy which loads more check ups then usual and the strict instructions of taking things easy and looking after myself. The reason I went into hospital was not pregnancy related. those are two completely different cases. I was only released from hospital cause they cant treat me the way the normally would, as I´m pregnant and not allowed to take the medication. So they sent me home to deal with it and get better without help - somehow.

I was mainly upset by the fact that he hadnt been told. I dont believe that wellfare has no means to contact theater if neccessary!

I know enough wives who go to the families officer, turn on the waterworks and expect a miracle to happen! I´m not one of them! Im just finding myself in a situation where I would have expected a little more support from someone we have dedicated our lives to. I know what the army is like, and I am being as supportive as anyone could hope for where my husbands job is concerned. Shame it doesnt work the other way round when you need them.

[lonely]

Thank you for the info listed above, I´ll check it out.

[flo]

Lonely, im sorry I just assumed your husband was a Royal Marine which is why i posted homestart offices in the Cdo areas. If he is not a commando then please let me know as we may have some more options for you that can help.

I know its not easy but give us as much info as you can then we will do our utmost to assist.
If you wish you can PM me in private and we can chat.

Fiona

[TJD]

Lonely, as Flo has said above we are a tad unsighted in which branch of the Services your husband is in - Army, Navy, Air Force and where in the country you are based.

Based on 13 years commissioned service and having worked alongside the welfare set up for the RAF and also managed it at an RAF Flying unit during Op TELIC, I would judge that you haven't been adequatley cared for by the unit Welfare Officer. However, assuming that husband is Army/RM and may have deployed as part of a larger formation then your welfare officer may have higher priority people to look after. This may sound wrong however it is a fact of military life.

The chaplaincy, on base doctor, HIVE, SSAFA and also your Health Visitor can help. You may also like to try www.rafcom.co.uk . Although it is RAF orientated they do try to help all members of the Armed Service and it has a wealth of information for families.

Let us know how you get on and we may be able to help some more

TJD

[lonely]

sorry, been bedded down and couldnt come online.

Thank you for all replies and helpful info!! I really appreciate it!!

We´re army. our local homestart office will provide us some help until my husband is home, which the army has now agreed to be quite soon - couple of weeks maybe, so things are looking a bit brighter.

The question why hubby wasnt even informed about me being in hospital is now being investigated and might have some consequences for the relevant people in charge.

[flo]

Sorry to hear that you have been bedded down but im glad things have worked out alright for you, and hope our advice helped. Sometimes the system does get you down but there is always other angles you can utilise to help you get what you need.

At the moment im in the middle of a house move and things arent going as they should (no surprise there then ) but ill keep plodding on because thats what you have to do. There is no point in sitting back and letting the system beat you. Anyway hope the pregnancy doesnt take too much out of you (when are you due? ) and i hope you will stay on the forums and enjoy the banter

Fiona