im new!!

[El Prez]

Wully, I give you three free guesses, without a safety net or the assistance of Senor Harry's emails, to guess what Nurse does in the daylight hours. Your time starts now, no heckling ladies and gents, the best of order please.

[Wully]

1. Rides shotgun for Mothercare.
2. Two Jags Prescott's sparring partner.
3. Stand in for Lara Croft.

[El Prez]

2 Jabs wouldn't last a round with her and Lara is too feminine by far. She'll skin me for that one! Then turn me into one of those antique lamps, or a mothercare mobile.

[owdun]

And you will deserve everything you get,the lady must be a saint to put

up with your insults,and still give you your enema's and pills.




Aye Owdun. :lilangel:

[harry hackedoff]

I`ll never tell what she does for a "living"
Wouldn`t want to meet her " professionaly" meself, though

Another Guinness, Rob? Of course I`ll empty your colostomy bag for you

Aye don`t think

[El Prez]

They ought to update the equipment issued to us Consultant types. This old fashioned circular mirror prevents really close up hands on work, it reflects the look of utter horror on patients faces and gets me thrown out of restaurants. Holding a two foot mag-lite in your teeth can cause mis-understandings, and language difficulties; "does that hurt?" CottonBud anyone?

[El Prez]

I didn't wipe your last outpouring, I presumed being sussed caused your premature retraction!

[owdun]

AW Come on,Jay,since when did common sense have anything to do


with Rob's mad forays,half the fun is in trying to make out what the


bloody hell he's going on about.


As to this Gyno thing he's taken up,it's on a par with the sheep fetish


of Harry and the Mutster,nothing wrong with that,to each his own,as they


say in the hills.!!!




Aye Owdun.

[El Prez]

My new hobby is saving the NHS a fortune, reducing waiting lists and generally being an all round good thing, the obverse is that it's costing the CPS an equal fortune in police time, lawyers fees and court time. Never mind, it passes wet and windy days. I must say these new group 4 uniforms are an improvement, but their vans are very underpowered, and every time we slow down there's a tourist shoving his camera in the window, most uncouth, and an invasion of privacy.
I've been advised to say nothing, apart from the occasional 'Not guilty M'lud', and to keep my blanket around my shoulders.
Princetown, now where have I heard of that before? I may be some time...............

[El Prez]

Tara, you out there? I may have to bring my practical exam forward at the rush. Nurse was at a meeting at Police HQ this morning and the discussion drifted towards emergency equipment to be carried at all times for dealing with bodies. (She's a coroners officer Wully ) The long rubber gloves, which fit up to your armpit, are an integral part of the kit. However she caused a furore when she said, "Oh Rob has mine, he uses them for his Theoretical Gynaecology". I kid you not! So then she had to go on and describe my hobby. Consequently I may be off-line for a period as I deflect the interest of Cornwall's finest. Anybody needing an internal had better notify their interest to me at my new email address at Truro nick.

[El Prez]

Good news folks, after all that recent doom and gloom talk of war with Iraq etc, I've been released for lack of evidence and intelligence.
I was immediately assailed with emails from the University of Louisiana State Penitentiary, apparently they have appraised themselves of my experience, aims and background. For a small fee, paid with a credit card, not necessarily my own you understand, they have forwarded to me my qualification as as fully house-trained Theoretical Gynaecologist. All that study, training, practice and disaster is now behind me, mostly in the shredder, hence lack of evidence.
With this new piece of vellum, which feels suspiciously like sheepskin, I contacted the Royal Garter King at Arms, who does a very good Michael Barrymore impression, and requested a coat of arms to accompany my degree certificate on the wall above my new desk. They appeared interested, until my hand drawn design appeared to confuse them. I explained that crossed marigolds, below two bitches rampant supporting a jeroboam of Guinness, was usual for the Parrys of Dublin. I was ushered to a lift and thrown into the empty shaft.

Never mind, these wounds will heal. My new secretary 'Trayceeeee', hails from Essex, and with her voice it is no surprise, she could hail Baghdad on a good day. She suggested that having a used CD superglued to my forehead as a mirror was slightly unusual and would not necessarily convey the image I'm trying to project, suave, but cheap. Equally a mag-lite clutched in my teeth removed some of the spontaneity from my running commentary whilst carrying out her suitability assessment; she is emminently suitable.

Must go, I've solved the coat of arms prob with a cut out and rehash of a painting by numbers kit nicked from the Mother in Law.

[Beasta]

Robert Parry, you are indeed one of the funniest yet slightly strange characters I have ever come across......brilliant

[El Prez]

Thank you kindly, it was only over a glass of the dreaded Aussie Merlot Cabernet prior to nurse returning to the besom of her family (that's her mother's broom to you and me) that I realised with you being a Scouse you would fully appreciate the rules of evidence.

[flo]

hi tara, dont panic there are a couple of us female species on board. They are a good bunch of lads (most Royals are) I'm just sorry i cant get online as much as i used too. I am families rep at 40 commando so am kept really busy here in Taunton. I take it you are training in Dundee when you said your brother is in 45 Cdo. I come Carnoustie myself so not to far from Arbroath (fantastic place!!!! ) Anyway dont be put of by the lads and join in the fun.

[El Prez]

Quick Nurse, the gloves, polish my CD, I mean mirror, and pass the Listerine before she disappears.
Now my dear, how may I help?