Barrack Tales

[Rotary Booty]

Rob, nothing to tell really, honest, at that time I was a 25 yrs old, married/unaccompanied, HW1, Sergeant, and I was shaving every day!
The village girls were stunning, until they were about 20, but if you went near one you never did it again!
I think nurse needs to bring you off the 'dream' pills!
Aye, Derek

[El Prez]

Derek, Salamat Lagi, I know what you mean, our Amah aged a year every three months, terrible to behold. Mind you nurse is ageing rapidly as well; I'm only after the insurance dosh!

[harry hackedoff]

Hope you realise, she reads this whilst you`re asleep. Life in your hands, life in your hands

Aye Harry

[El Prez]

St Andrews, Malta one dark warm night, and Mick Summersbee had a few over the top in the NAAFI. He was sent back by the guard commander when he tried to go ashore. Mick threw a wobbler and started launching lockers and beds around next doors room. Amazingly all these big strong Bootnecks huddled in our grot wincing every time a locker thudded against the wall. It would only have taken 8 or 10 to hold him down.

[Yorkie Malone]

Jan Nankervill... he was great singing the aphabet song. Iv'e never heard it since.

The one with the young girls... Aden 1967 and we had to guard the married quarters in Little Aden. There were no spare blokes so the only ones left to do the job was the Coy storeman. First night no probs. Second night "I'll do it tonight Sgt Maj" and the 3rd night.

Sgt Maj now very perplexed as to get a good volunteer. So that night sneeked up on the OP only to find the storeman 1 Looking the wrong way 2 Looking into Perce's wifes bedroom and playing with himself.

Again Aden 45 detailed off to guard married quarters in RAF Kormaksa. Two days and there was the request on BFPS. From all the members of 45 CDO to all the wives of RAF Kormaksa we send this song. Look through any window yea!!!!

[El Prez]

We were in a bar in Nicosia, as you do, when a local wench grabbed Pete Norman by the nuts and complained, "Oh you've only got a little splinter!" Nankerville fancied some of this treatment, relieved Pete of his onerous duties and was ecstatic when said tart trilled in delight, "Oh but this is a huge splinter!!!!"

[Yorkie Malone]

The one about the crab reminds me.

In a toilet there was a poster

VD CAN BE CURED

Someone had written below So can kippers

SyY

[Artist]

Whist doing me S2's at CTC we were living in the accom block opposite the NAAFI. First floor I think. I had obtained a super 8 cine projector & 'somehow' had got some porn films. Normal routine, few drinks in the JNCO club with me roommates, 'I know' say's I lets 'watch some PORN'. We wer'nt thinking to clearly and got a pussers sheet set up in front of the window. set up projector, turn of light, puts on the first film. Film finishes. Loud cheers erupt from outside, look out of window, see half of CTC outside the bloody NAAFI. Most pleading for more & some writing things in books. Should have took more notice of the writers. Proceeded to show the next one until duty wandering patrol hammer on door. Nough said. Big Bosses not happy Hectors. Little Cpl in deep s**t. I loved doing guard commander duty. Day on. Day off. Saved a fortune. Passed the course mind.
Aye Steve Evans

[El Prez]

I beg indulgence to recount the tale of a member of the Highland Div, from WW2. A wee man from Aberdeenshire by the name of Jimmy Simpson. I was lucky enough to know this man and count him as a friend. he always carried a pair of German Artillery binos 'liberated' from an OP he and a mate overran.
Nurse and I were invited to Jimmy and Peggy's 50th wedding anniversary bash, where he stood up and in front of 80 guests, bracketed by his wife and daughter, he told the following tale.
His unit were escorting German POWs back to Germany from Italy at the end of the war. He was granted home leave and decided it was now or never to wed his girl, Peggy. She was a member of the land army and a fine lump of a girl, still is for that matter. The train was stopped by snow at Montrose, but the farm folk were waiting with a cart, and Jim lagged up in his battle order and kilt clambered on for the trip to Newburgh. That night there was a party; afterwards he took Peggy back to the farmhouse where she was billeted. Things warmed up under the Porch but she whispered "Nae here, the farmer'll hear us" and they wandered off to the end of the house. Once again she demured, claiming it would upset the animals in the byre. Eventually Jimmy cornered her in the rear porch. He said "things were just getting interesting when the farm cat jumped off the wall onto Peggy's shoulder, she shrieked and that was that". With that he placed a hand on his daughters shoulder, looked ruefully at her and said, "If it wasn'ae fer that bloody cat you'd be in yer 50s".

Jim had a young highland terrier pup called Willy. This little beast chased rabbits for fun, and Jim was forever loosing him in the Whims (gorse) on the links. So he tied 10 feet of string to the dogs collar, to no avail. He then attached a washing up bottle, to which he added a few pebbles, so at least he knew in which direction the little sod was running. Eventually he painted the bottle fluorescent red. One bright Saturday morning I met him near the beach and our dogs were ricochetting around, my yellow lab being chased by a terrier towing 10 feet of string and a rattling washing up bottle. At this point we were joined by a young lady and her dog. As the terrier went past she stamped on the string, arresting the forward progress of the beast, and jerking it onto its back. She picked up the bottle, shook it, and asked Jimmy, "What's this?"
Through tears of joy and my howls of laughter he replied, "That's the end of my Willy". Three months in the planning and it worked. I was on my knees, poor Jim was crying with uncontrolled mirth and Jennifer just stood there dumbstruck.

RIP Jim.

[jos]

41Cdo Plymouth Parade sometime in 1967.
Old Corporal, in blues and pith helmet who shall remain nameless, was the third man from me in the front row. He had several medals on his blues. Unfortunately he was badly educated.
Major General stops examines his medals and says,' I see by your medals you have been in the desert and the jungle?'
Reply, 'Yes, Sir'
'Well,' the Major General asks, 'what did you like best?'
Reply, 'Desert, Sir.'
'Desert, I bet that brings back memories, Nostalgia eh?' says the Major General.
Reply, 'No Sir, North Africa.'

Collapse of parade…………….

[barrybudden]

A friend of mine told me once, they were being inspected by the some high ranking officer. They were all part - time UDR. Officer comes along the rank asking stupid questions, stops with Bobby and asked him "what did you join the UDR for?" Bobby "£3.00 a night sir."

[Wully]

Jos
What's with all those numbers etc in your messages? :fadein:

[THE HAPPY WANDERER]

This tale was bandied around many years ago just after the introduction
of the new Blues uniform.
I believe the unit was 42 cdo.The C.O. called a blues parade to inspect the
standard of the tailoring of said new Blues.As he walked between the ranks
he would comment on the tailoring and in some cases order the removal of
either the trousers or tunic.The offending item to be put in the gash bins provided.
I would love to have seen his face when one chappie was told to remove his tunic
only to reveal his wifes elbow length white gloves.
Now try to imagine the RSMs face.



Aye The happy wanderer

[jos]

Wully,
my mistake as I write out in MS word and then cut and paste to save time.
So I think it's a formating mistake due to pasting.
Now I know what's causing it I will stop it happening in future.
Regards JOS

[Wully]

Jos
Thanks for the info. Robert Parry had already enlightened me to what was happening. I'm slowly - very slowly - getting the hang of this machine!!