News, what news?

[bigbart]

there`ll be no more chocolate digestives

[Rotary Booty]

Ah, you see my 'ansome, in the ol' days these 'intelligence challenged morons' couldn't afford to travel more than five miles from their grotty habitats, and therefore spent their holidays in the same area as like minded losers. Their behaviour was seen as 'normal', and who notices dropped litter and the like in a tip?

Now, thanks to Budget Airlines and our over generous government, who hands out tax-payer sourced benefits to anyone who can't hold down a job, these brain-cell retarded yobs can travel to lovely Cornwall and the rest of Europe. The signs that used to say 'Welcome' now have 'Unless you are British' added in many holiday resorts!

No doubt you will give Stix and family the traditional welcome given by the Cornish to their visiting Grockles!

Aye, Derek

[harry hackedoff]

Derek, have you been supping the cynical juice again mate

[Lance]

We should all be issued with big sticks to beat the idle and poor back into the council estates from which they illegitimately sprouted from.

[bigbart]

Whoa hold on there, Lance. I grew up on a council estate and turned out alright (well, I suppose that's debatable..) My mother was a single mother without a penny, and now I'm 23 and own my own house...and it's not on a council estate! See, we don't all turn out retards

[snyder]

Snyder not biting, good try though.
This was an island of anally retentive, relatively polite people who went out of their way to avoid embarrasment, to themselves or others; and in doing so attempted to attain or indicate a higher social position or aspiration to position than they perhaps held. Old fashioned, yes, non-pc yes, patronising, very much so. But that's the way it was, and is in my head. I've deliberately broken two of my rules. Starting sentences with but/and. (I'll go to hell for that)
What grates on me, particularly at this time of year, with holiday makers pouring into the county, is the 'stuff 'em' attitude. It was deemed impolite to invade another persons space with noise or nuisance; it is now considered a right to behave as a yob, and be almost admired for it.
It's not just a British malaise, it's international, although we do seem rather good at it.

I can feel the migraine returning....................

Stix is visiting next Friday en famille, any messages, threats or inducements would be welcomed.

Actually, as an occasional tourist in Britain I tend to agree with your criticisms at least to the small degree than I am capable of rendering an opinion. I'm sort of a noise freak myself, and I was surprised when we went to Cambridge and some jerk of a kid decided to take it upon himself to bang on some drum and thereby disrupt what had been a serene evening. I don't understand what it is with these kids and bongo drums. There's a Third Worldism thing going on, or maybe a drum is just the last refuge of the untalented. You see (hear) them in the U.S., too, and they irk the living daylights out of me.

On a different trip I went to Oxford for the day and ran into a very loud animal rights demonstration. (Your animal rights people are just crazy. They should offer themselves for experimentation.) This brought out the police helicopters, so all afternoon as I strolled about the campus I get to hear the demonstration wherever I was, plus the whop-whop-whop of the helicopters. But then things quieted down and I found a 600-year-old chapel with a choir singing medieval Christmas music, and it more than compensated for the raucous afternoon.

More generally, the pace of life in London and the general ambiance seems more American every time I go, and I look at it and grieve a little bit even if I do appreciate things like showers that work. I even see people drinking American lager. Why anyone would even think of drinking Budweiser in a country where you can get Boddie's on tap everywhere you go is a total mystification. But at least you still have those really cool taxicabs with drivers who speak English and know where they're off to.

And then there is Scotland, which to my senses is one of the closer approximations to heaven on this earth. I could go on and on about that place and, especially, the people. I hear great things about Cornwall. Haven't been there yet, but intend to get there sometime.

[Lance]

No offence intended BigBart

Maybe just beat the idle and lazy... those people in tracksuits and gold jewellery who refuse to work...

There are a lot of good and decent people to be found in all areas of society... just not enough of them.

[bigbart]

On the estate I grew up on, the idle were left, right and centre. That's why they're still there and I'm not

[Artist]

O the joys of summer in Cornwall. the smell of Stale Fish and Chips, the overflowing gash bins. Putting your foot into summut that has all the characteristics of a failed Quatermass Experiment!

Padstow would be full of Emmets (tourists) all a tad confused owing to having partaken of 4 or 5 pints of St Austells finest Ale. High Speed Death followed by a couple of pints of scrumpy.

In the early light of dawn the odd one would be found dossing on a fishing boat. Usual practice was to let them sleep and cast off for a Mornings Crabbing/Lobster Potting. It was fun watching these wretches heave their guts up over the side/each other.

On occasion the odd Hoo Ray Henry would for "A JOLLY GAPE" steal a rowboat and come over from Rock to see how the other half lived. The local lads in good time honoured fun would threaten to rip their balls of and use them as fishing floats if they ever nicked another row boat again!

This seemed to worry the Hoo Ray's what with them never having encountered the real world before. Manys the night we'ed be a laffing and a stringing up Hoo Rays by their nether regions. Cries of "My Fathers a Barrister/General" and suchlike would elicit replies along the lines of "My ole mans a bloody drunkard cording to me Mam so bugger offt back to bloody London you'm stuck up bugger!" Ooo how I miss the good times.

And that was over thirty years ago! God alone what it's like now!

In fact me mate Johnny Webb comes to Cheshire in the summer for a fortnight on a canal boat just to avoid Padstow!

Now I only get to rip of Hoo Rays once or twice a week. HO HUM.

Artist

[snyder]

O the joys of summer in Cornwall. the smell of Stale Fish and Chips, the overflowing gash bins.

It occurs to me that England might be the only first-world country where American fast food has had the effect of improving the local cuisine.

[Artist]

snyder

Macdonalds cartons are all over the streets after the weekends in most British towns and Cities. The number one takeout to take home in the UK is Indian followed by Chinky nosh.

Personally I wouldnt buy a Bicmac in any circumstances. Full of God knows what. My kids bring them home on occasion but rarely bring the offending junk into the house preferring to eat it in the garden. As Daddy can sniff the foul stuff at 100 paces!

Artist

[El Prez]

I think I may do some damage if I see another shaved head driving a 4x4, while wearing 3/4 cut offs and white trainers; without a T shirt.
Why does th ehighway code get binned post purchase of a large vehicle, I always ask and they give the same reply, "Wot?"

[Artist]

Prez

The buggers are out on the cut as well. Lock 13 Audlem last week. Two hire boats converging on said lock, one from the South the other from the North. Shaven headed crews on both so it seemed to me.

It was everything forward and trust in the Lord! The Oggin came over the side of the canal and soaked the feet all the people sat outside the Shroppie Fly. As it was a slanging match proceeded between the two crews about who had right of way.

I thought F**k It! and tootled off. Can't be ar*ed to bother anymore with the stupid morons who have the gall to call themselves British! What happened to the old "Manners maketh the Man" days that I was brought up to believe in?

Artist