Joke

[Benn]

I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we
decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends
encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!

There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing
was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of
age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend
down when quite near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It
had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.


One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding
invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I
was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't

overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to
make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her
sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word.


She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead
with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I
watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her
panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment,
then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and
stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car.


My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he
hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test.

We couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."







The moral of this story is: always keep your condoms in your car.

[THE HAPPY WANDERER]

This brown hatter walks into a pub in the middle of Liverpool,

Looks around and only sees one other customer at the bar,

This guy is enormous,and tattooed on his forehead is LIVERPOOL FC,

The brown hatter is turned on by this bit of rough and decides to try his luck

He sidles and simpers up to the guy and whispers"fancy a blo*job"

At this the scouser grabs hold of him by the neck and throws him all

around the pub and procedes to knock 7 bells out of him.

The landlord runs around the bar and stops the scouser killing him.

When he gets him calmed down he asks,"what the hell did he say to

deserve that"?

The scouser looks at him and says"I DIDNT QUITE CATCH IT ALL BUT

THE B*STARD SAID SOMETHING ABOUT A JOB"




The Happy Wanderer

[lew]

two sars viruses are sitting on a park bench, one sars virus says to the other i could murder a chinese...


lew

[Jason The Argonaut]

two sars viruses are sitting on a park bench, one sars virus says to the other i could murder a chinese...

Lew your so cruel.

[lew]

twas not me


lew

[Jason The Argonaut]

Ancient History Explained...

A team of archaeologists found a slab of rock with 5 figures carved on it, in order:

A Woman, A Donkey, A Shovel, A Fish, A Star of David.

After months of study, the leader took the rock and went on a lecture tour. He said the carvings were thousands of years old but even so, they revealed a lot about the people of that time.

The woman being placed first in the line of figures showed that women were held in very high esteem - most likely a family oriented culture.

They probably used the donkey to till the fields.
The shovel shows they were highly intelligent as they knew how to make tools.
The fish shows they knew how to augment the crops they raised by also reaping from the sea.
The Star of David of course indicates they were a very religious group of people.

A little old man in the front row finally got the attention of the speaker.

When acknowledged he said, "I'm sorry to blow your conclusions but you were reading it left to right. In Hebrew we read from right to left.

That way it reads, "Holy Mackerel, Dig the Ass on that Chick!"

[Jason The Argonaut]

All you horny guys click below !

http://fun.drno.de/flash/celebxxx.swf

[Sisyphus]

No thanks, Jason. I've only kissed a guy once - and I won't be doing it again. It was 'orrible!! God knows what the ladies get out of it!

[Jason The Argonaut]

Sisyphus first one to take the bait.

[chunky from york]

Unfortunately not the last !

[always go commando]

its ponch of CHiP's, and i aint gay, prove it, you'll never find him

[lew]

good one Jason, just emailed that to everyone I know and am awaiting the responses


lew

[Jason The Argonaut]

Who's the Boss?

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss.

The brain said, " I should be Boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions."

The feet said, " We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."

The hands said, " We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."

And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.

Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered.

Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!

Moral of the story:
You don't need brains to be a Boss - any asshole will do!

[lew]

Sticky you bastard, that scared the shit out of me!!!!!!!!!!!!!



lew