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PILES, HOW DO YOU CURE THEM?
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ExCrabMate
- Member
- Posts: 278
- Joined: Tue 02 Sep, 2003 4:54 pm
- Location: West Sussex
HOLD IT The bugger isn't going in now....He's just PM'd me..... Not a Happy little Bootie is our Steve.... If you've posted Not to worry he can take em in when he goes for definate.... at least he knows we all like to Pi** him off.....!
Oh by the way Steve this has nothing to do with you, Its another steve... I'm just using your thread so the other Steve won't know....Got It
Oh by the way Steve this has nothing to do with you, Its another steve... I'm just using your thread so the other Steve won't know....Got It
The Honourable Lord Mike of Loch Borralan
.........................Because I AM Worth IT..xxxx.......Never Mistake Motion for Action
.........................Because I AM Worth IT..xxxx.......Never Mistake Motion for Action
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Artist
- Guest
Dear Sadistic Perverts
Should have gone in on the 22 Sept. Kin cancelled!
After a chat with the Doctor in person having got a letter telling me the Op was being put back for 6 weeks seems that I will be going to another hospital for the "Harvesting" A tear runs down both cheeks as I type this.
Kin NHS couldnt find its own Ar*e ifen it lost it.
Artist
Should have gone in on the 22 Sept. Kin cancelled!
After a chat with the Doctor in person having got a letter telling me the Op was being put back for 6 weeks seems that I will be going to another hospital for the "Harvesting" A tear runs down both cheeks as I type this.
Kin NHS couldnt find its own Ar*e ifen it lost it.
Artist
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Dmanton300
- Member
- Posts: 173
- Joined: Tue 24 Jun, 2003 4:35 pm
- Location: UK
Un-friggin-believable. Mind you, having said that I don't know why I'm surprised, seems to be par for the course with the thing which passes for a health service these days. Their incompetence cost me £3500 earlier this year when I had to remortgage my house to pay for some surgery that I needed but was down their list of priorities. B******s!Artist wrote:Dear Sadistic Perverts
Should have gone in on the 22 Sept. Kin cancelled!
After a chat with the Doctor in person having got a letter telling me the Op was being put back for 6 weeks seems that I will be going to another hospital for the "Harvesting" A tear runs down both cheeks as I type this.
Kin NHS couldnt find its own Ar*e ifen it lost it.
Artist
All joking aside Artist, I hope this gets sorted soon, it's no fun and is a quality of life issue. Perhaps you need to find another group of Army wooperts to get you "as a handcart" at a riverside pub again?
Ease the pain a little!The latest and greatest is the new Buccaneer
All full of black boxes and Scimitar gear
But don't worry Kruschev, you're safe 'till the days
The F*****g great bastard is fitted with Speys!
All full of black boxes and Scimitar gear
But don't worry Kruschev, you're safe 'till the days
The F*****g great bastard is fitted with Speys!
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chunky from york
- Member
- Posts: 774
- Joined: Fri 13 Jun, 2003 10:12 am
- Location: york, england
Artist.
As was pointed out to me by a nurse with a perfectly straight face, 'you are patients because you have to be patient'
Mind you it is different for the doctors.
Once checked in to Jimmy's in Leeds for an operation on my throat, to remove my parathyroids. After waiting for the best part of a year classed as 'urgent'. Rang at 6.00 am as requested to make sure they had a bed. Got there changed in my jim-jams (well it was a special occasion and I didn't think the nurses would appreciate my shreddies), filled all the paper work in, filled in the menu for meals, then told nil by mouth.
After half an hour was told 'sorry Michael the Surgeon is on holiday this week.'!
Everything re arranged for a month later, rolled up and told to get changed and into bed. Well says I 'first check the surgeons here' withering look from pretty teenage nurse as she flounced out. Came back, at least she looked embarrassed when she told me 'sorry the surgeon is in London this week'
Got the surgery done after four month delay and three months later had to have it done again as he missed two of the buggers then just for the icing on the cake it got infected oh how I laughed.
Trouble was by then the excess calcium in my blood stream had been too high too long and the arteries and veins had hardened and narrowed . Now my legs are knackered and I can walk about 50 yards before they stop working.
Still its better than the alternative.
While I am confessing I will let you (and only you) into a secret, the anesthetic gave me constipation for about 10 days. Then when I started going about 4 or 5 times a day I ended up Piles ( can't spell hemorrhoids) not a lot of fun, but mine went down and back where they belong so I'm OK now, touch wood.
Don't let the NHS sausage machine wear you down.
As was pointed out to me by a nurse with a perfectly straight face, 'you are patients because you have to be patient'
Mind you it is different for the doctors.
Once checked in to Jimmy's in Leeds for an operation on my throat, to remove my parathyroids. After waiting for the best part of a year classed as 'urgent'. Rang at 6.00 am as requested to make sure they had a bed. Got there changed in my jim-jams (well it was a special occasion and I didn't think the nurses would appreciate my shreddies), filled all the paper work in, filled in the menu for meals, then told nil by mouth.
After half an hour was told 'sorry Michael the Surgeon is on holiday this week.'!
Everything re arranged for a month later, rolled up and told to get changed and into bed. Well says I 'first check the surgeons here' withering look from pretty teenage nurse as she flounced out. Came back, at least she looked embarrassed
when she told me 'sorry the surgeon is in London this week' Got the surgery done after four month delay and three months later had to have it done again as he missed two of the buggers then just for the icing on the cake it got infected oh how I laughed.
Trouble was by then the excess calcium in my blood stream had been too high too long and the arteries and veins had hardened and narrowed . Now my legs are knackered and I can walk about 50 yards before they stop working.
Still its better than the alternative.
While I am confessing I will let you (and only you) into a secret, the anesthetic gave me constipation for about 10 days. Then when I started going about 4 or 5 times a day I ended up Piles ( can't spell hemorrhoids) not a lot of fun, but mine went down and back where they belong so I'm OK now, touch wood.
Don't let the NHS sausage machine wear you down.
Chunky from York
I may not be the man I was, but I was
I may not be the man I was, but I was
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Artist
- Guest
Chunky
When I was stuck in Stonehouse RNH laid on me back for 6 months, trussed up like a turkey I got constipation big time.
Anyway they put this plaster jacket on. (felt like a knight of old) Neck to hips. Walked like Robocop! And let me out into the big wide world.
Yours truly bimbled into the JJ Moore and downed a couple of there best bitters. All of a sudden felt the urge to sit on the pan.
I'm not kidding I must have sh*t for Britian! Was convinced at one stage I would need to flush the pan or I would have started rising up.
On a scale of 1 to 10 ref good dumps this one rated a 1,000! The only problem was the pills and things I had been taking resulted in me getting as high as a kite. Two pints and I was out of it. Woke up back in the bloody ward!
They escorted me home the next day in a Pussers ambulance instructing the wife (ex Naval Nurse) that I was not repeat not to imbibe. We all make mistakes as the Dalek said leaping off the dustbin. Bloody cheap run ashore mind!
Artist
When I was stuck in Stonehouse RNH laid on me back for 6 months, trussed up like a turkey I got constipation big time.
Anyway they put this plaster jacket on. (felt like a knight of old) Neck to hips. Walked like Robocop! And let me out into the big wide world.
Yours truly bimbled into the JJ Moore and downed a couple of there best bitters. All of a sudden felt the urge to sit on the pan.
I'm not kidding I must have sh*t for Britian! Was convinced at one stage I would need to flush the pan or I would have started rising up.
On a scale of 1 to 10 ref good dumps this one rated a 1,000! The only problem was the pills and things I had been taking resulted in me getting as high as a kite. Two pints and I was out of it. Woke up back in the bloody ward!
They escorted me home the next day in a Pussers ambulance instructing the wife (ex Naval Nurse) that I was not repeat not to imbibe. We all make mistakes as the Dalek said leaping off the dustbin. Bloody cheap run ashore mind!
Artist
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chunky from york
- Member
- Posts: 774
- Joined: Fri 13 Jun, 2003 10:12 am
- Location: york, england
Artist,
I know what you mean, hoping it is forming a coil rather than a pyramid and ending up going back in. Then worrying if you will need a stick to get it to flush, mine was a funny green colour from the drugs.
But they wouldn't let me experiment with beer, until some of the lads smuggled some cans in. Indescribably beautifully.
I know what you mean, hoping it is forming a coil rather than a pyramid and ending up going back in. Then worrying if you will need a stick to get it to flush, mine was a funny green colour from the drugs.
But they wouldn't let me experiment with beer, until some of the lads smuggled some cans in. Indescribably beautifully.
Chunky from York
I may not be the man I was, but I was
I may not be the man I was, but I was
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Artist
- Guest
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Sticky Blue
- Member
- Posts: 3623
- Joined: Tue 18 Dec, 2001 12:00 am
- Location: Portsmouth, UK
- Contact:
Artist, any news on a new date?
Not that we want to gloat or take the mick you understand
I hope a date comes through really soon for you mate... we'll have to find some other afflicted bugger to take the mick out of when your chalfonts are removed.
Not that we want to gloat or take the mick you understand
I hope a date comes through really soon for you mate... we'll have to find some other afflicted bugger to take the mick out of when your chalfonts are removed.Drums beating, colours flying and bayonets fixed...
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Artist
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harry hackedoff
- Member
- Posts: 14415
- Joined: Tue 19 Feb, 2002 12:00 am
Don`t worry mate, before too long you`ll be curling one down like this
www.ratemypoo.com/ratemy/poo?image=21209&pi=3.14
Spagheti is most excellant for the digestion, by the way
Bet you`re green with envy
Has anyone seen my cork
Aye, Harry
www.ratemypoo.com/ratemy/poo?image=21209&pi=3.14
Spagheti is most excellant for the digestion, by the way
Bet you`re green with envy
Has anyone seen my cork
Aye, Harry
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Artist
- Guest
Latest update.
See you all in 5 days. Hopefully will cease shi*tting sideways for Britain after the "Grapes of wrath" have gone. 
Mike, will take in the card Barbara sent me and try to wipe a tear from my eye after the removal knowing that at least someone likes me for me and not my body. (everyone likes my body, medical students, perverts, but I digress) See you later.
Anybody want to by a tube of slightly used Germoloid cream? I'll put it on E Bay as an auction item.
Artisat (Artist)
P.S. daughters have had a whip round and bought me a rubber ring thingy for when I am let out. (Bless them............ [little sods!])
See you all in 5 days. Hopefully will cease shi*tting sideways for Britain after the "Grapes of wrath" have gone.
Mike, will take in the card Barbara sent me and try to wipe a tear from my eye after the removal knowing that at least someone likes me for me and not my body. (everyone likes my body, medical students, perverts, but I digress) See you later.
Anybody want to by a tube of slightly used Germoloid cream? I'll put it on E Bay as an auction item.
Artisat (Artist)
P.S. daughters have had a whip round and bought me a rubber ring thingy for when I am let out. (Bless them............ [little sods!])
