Why thankee kind zir, 'tis another job well done then!Artist wrote:(Archie, I really hate you!)
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PILES, HOW DO YOU CURE THEM?
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Artist
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Unbelievable.......... further to my statistical documentation on this topic....
It appears that Artist, alias Steve the grape, has had a further 61 persons log on to read the missives of a few delerious Eeejuts (myself included) ranting on about this guys PILES..............
I do, however find it encouraging that this subject has more appeal to our readers than, say the lifestyle of the Beckhams, The drinking habits of George Best and the prospect of the forthcoming downfall of the British Government!...... Go for it Artist .... just another week or so and we will have to find another GRIPPING topic.
It appears that Artist, alias Steve the grape, has had a further 61 persons log on to read the missives of a few delerious Eeejuts (myself included) ranting on about this guys PILES..............
I do, however find it encouraging that this subject has more appeal to our readers than, say the lifestyle of the Beckhams, The drinking habits of George Best and the prospect of the forthcoming downfall of the British Government!...... Go for it Artist .... just another week or so and we will have to find another GRIPPING topic.
The Honourable Lord Mike of Loch Borralan
.........................Because I AM Worth IT..xxxx.......Never Mistake Motion for Action
.........................Because I AM Worth IT..xxxx.......Never Mistake Motion for Action
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Artist
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Dmanton300
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- Location: UK
I could offer up a dodgy gall bladder, but I was relieved of it by a very nice surgeon a couple months back. I was told it may affect my diet (particularly my sensitivity to fatty foods and alcohol. . you can imagine my horror!). Fortunately, to use a qaint Americanism, I appear to have made out like a bandit. The eight pint and a kebab test passed with no ill effects whatever. And just to verify the results I repeated the experiment several times (it's an ongoing study, I'm a scientifically minded chap!). The only food I'm apparantly sensitive to? Apples! They disagree violently with me now. But fried breakfast's are fine. I can live with that. Life is, indeed, good!JulesB wrote:Im almost tempted to ask him not to have them 'off'....this thread has entertained me for months!
Is there anyone else out there with some sort of medical affliction we can all offer ludicrous cures for?
Me? well that would be telling!
Gall bladders:- pesky little good for nowt internal organs you can get by perfectly adeqautely without.
BTW Jules, check yer e-mail!
The latest and greatest is the new Buccaneer
All full of black boxes and Scimitar gear
But don't worry Kruschev, you're safe 'till the days
The F*****g great bastard is fitted with Speys!
All full of black boxes and Scimitar gear
But don't worry Kruschev, you're safe 'till the days
The F*****g great bastard is fitted with Speys!
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Artist
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Dmanton300
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- Posts: 173
- Joined: Tue 24 Jun, 2003 4:35 pm
- Location: UK
Actually it's a peek into my past.JulesB wrote:Oooh D!
I think weve just looked into your future!
As Artist said "been there, done that". But only in a very minor way, nothing like he's going through and not for a long time.The latest and greatest is the new Buccaneer
All full of black boxes and Scimitar gear
But don't worry Kruschev, you're safe 'till the days
The F*****g great bastard is fitted with Speys!
All full of black boxes and Scimitar gear
But don't worry Kruschev, you're safe 'till the days
The F*****g great bastard is fitted with Speys!
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Artist
- Guest
Dmanton 300
My little problems have been a faithful pain in the bum for yonks. Only the last couple of years have the little sods come to haunt me. One day I was seriously thinking about shoving them back in with a cut down broom handle!
The session in the Dublin Packet Chester had me mates in tears. Had me in tears as well come to think of it but for totaly different reasons! They are hiding at the moment but anyday, any time, they make a sudden feint and it's Sh*ting sideways for Britain again.
Artist
My little problems have been a faithful pain in the bum for yonks. Only the last couple of years have the little sods come to haunt me. One day I was seriously thinking about shoving them back in with a cut down broom handle!
The session in the Dublin Packet Chester had me mates in tears. Had me in tears as well come to think of it but for totaly different reasons! They are hiding at the moment but anyday, any time, they make a sudden feint and it's Sh*ting sideways for Britain again.
Artist
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Dmanton300
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- Posts: 173
- Joined: Tue 24 Jun, 2003 4:35 pm
- Location: UK
Oh I have no doubt that one day I'll be visiting the proctologist and "assuming the position". . .I just have no real desire to hasten the day!Artist wrote:Dmanton 300
My little problems have been a faithful pain in the bum for yonks. Only the last couple of years have the little sods come to haunt me. One day I was seriously thinking about shoving them back in with a cut down broom handle!
Artist
Lots of fibre.The latest and greatest is the new Buccaneer
All full of black boxes and Scimitar gear
But don't worry Kruschev, you're safe 'till the days
The F*****g great bastard is fitted with Speys!
All full of black boxes and Scimitar gear
But don't worry Kruschev, you're safe 'till the days
The F*****g great bastard is fitted with Speys!
DMANTON said
I could offer up a dodgy gall bladder, but I was relieved of it by a very nice surgeon a couple months back. I was told it may affect my diet (particularly my sensitivity to fatty foods and alcohol. . you can imagine my horror!).
The Gall Bladder as we all know !!!!!!!
lies on the right side of the chest, just under the liver. 
The removal of this part of your body is mainly done in the Devon and Cornwall area. It is known as the SOUTH WEST DISEASE. It is due to the fat's in the local diets. CREAM, PASTIES, BUTTER, CLOTTED CREAM, KFC and lets not forget That very rich Ba*@?$D who sell's those burgers egg banjoes and others at the training estamlishments. from Deal to Exmouth. you know who I mean 
The clinical definition of a Gall Bladder sufferer is that He / She fall's into one or more of these categories
1) FAIR
2) FAT
3) FERTILE
4) FORTY
5) FU***N UGLY
Knowing very little about you are you located in the south West? AND HOW MANY OF THE ABOVE DO YOU REALLY FIT IN TO
IF YOU DO NOT LIVE IN THE SOUTH WEST
I bet your surgeon made a bit of a fuss of you because not many Gall Bladders are resected up north.
Before loads of you write in from UP NORTH
with stories of all your friends who are now bladderless
I am not saying that they are not done up there, but that they are not done as offten as they are down South.
And I bet you glad it's gone! The pain caused by this littel bugger is so debilitating only the suffer knows how bad it GET'S
I could offer up a dodgy gall bladder, but I was relieved of it by a very nice surgeon a couple months back. I was told it may affect my diet (particularly my sensitivity to fatty foods and alcohol. . you can imagine my horror!).
The Gall Bladder as we all know !!!!!!!
lies on the right side of the chest, just under the liver. The removal of this part of your body is mainly done in the Devon and Cornwall area. It is known as the SOUTH WEST DISEASE. It is due to the fat's in the local diets. CREAM, PASTIES, BUTTER, CLOTTED CREAM, KFC and lets not forget That very rich Ba*@?$D who sell's those burgers egg banjoes and others at the training estamlishments. from Deal to Exmouth. you know who I mean The clinical definition of a Gall Bladder sufferer is that He / She fall's into one or more of these categories
1) FAIR
2) FAT
3) FERTILE
4) FORTY
5) FU***N UGLY
Knowing very little about you are you located in the south West? AND HOW MANY OF THE ABOVE DO YOU REALLY FIT IN TO
IF YOU DO NOT LIVE IN THE SOUTH WEST
I bet your surgeon made a bit of a fuss of you because not many Gall Bladders are resected up north.
Before loads of you write in from UP NORTH
with stories of all your friends who are now bladderless
I am not saying that they are not done up there, but that they are not done as offten as they are down South.
And I bet you glad it's gone! The pain caused by this littel bugger is so debilitating only the suffer knows how bad it GET'S
the moon is always followed by the riseing sun if it does not ! What will you put on my Head Stone
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Dmanton300
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- Joined: Tue 24 Jun, 2003 4:35 pm
- Location: UK
Funnily enough I live in Somerset!SC **2 wrote:DMANTON said
I could offer up a dodgy gall bladder, but I was relieved of it by a very nice surgeon a couple months back. I was told it may affect my diet (particularly my sensitivity to fatty foods and alcohol. . you can imagine my horror!).
[Knowing very little about you are you located in the south West? AND HOW MANY OF THE ABOVE DO YOU REALLY FIT IN TO
IF YOU DO NOT LIVE IN THE SOUTH WEST
I'll second that, sometimes the pain was quite spectacular in it's depth and intensity. Sometimes I was scared I was going to live! There is a particularly amusing story involving my good self, a *very* nice girl from New York, some moaning and groaning she thought was me being appreciative and a subsequent few hours spent in accident and emergency in a pethidine haze. She saw the sights that night I can tell you!And I bet you glad it's gone! The pain caused by this littel bugger is so debilitating only the suffer knows how bad it GET'S
"So, what bought this attack on Mr Manton" Quick glance at girlie, she giggles and blushes, nurse looks, penny drops, nurse exits stage left.
The latest and greatest is the new Buccaneer
All full of black boxes and Scimitar gear
But don't worry Kruschev, you're safe 'till the days
The F*****g great bastard is fitted with Speys!
All full of black boxes and Scimitar gear
But don't worry Kruschev, you're safe 'till the days
The F*****g great bastard is fitted with Speys!
JulesB wrote: Is there anyone else out there with some sort of medical affliction we can all offer ludicrous cures for?
My name is Itchie,
Uncle Archie said I could use his computer, as long as I paid him for the electricity.
My problem is possibly more psycholigical than medical, but here goes......
All my life, 16 and a half years that is, I've had great difficulty with women, I just can't understand why women don't like me.
When I take my girlfriend to the cinema I always arrive ahead of time and meet her inside the theatre, that way she only has to buy her own ticket and not mine as well. I always remove my bicycle clips before entering the building too.
When we go out to a restaurant I am the perfect gentlemen, I hold the door open and I always allow her to be in front of me in the queue, (and fellas we all know how long the queue can be at a McDonalds.)
When she asks me for an honest opinion about her bum re the dress in question, I tell the truth as she has requested, I could never lie to a lady.
When we kiss and cuddle I take great care not to drool over her cardigan.
We went away for the weekend to a little hotel in Cornwall, lovely it was. We hiked in the hills, had a picnic of sandwiches and a flask of tea in a quiet little wood and then she lay down and said is there anything else that I would like to do with her whilst we were alone in the woods. Well I ask you? How was I to know she was going to get upset when I suggested paintballing. She seemed particularly surprised that I'd brought my gun and a spare for her.
You see I really don't understand women at all, perhaps there is a lady out there who will take pity on me and show me where I'm going wrong.
Thanks in anticipation
Itchie
(Archies Nephew)
P.S. What does ludicrous mean?
Archie.
"If there is a better way......find it!" (Thomas Alva Edison)
"If there is a better way......find it!" (Thomas Alva Edison)
