Share This Page:
My other half is going to Afghan....
-
WillettsLady
- Member
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Tue 31 Mar, 2009 7:16 pm
- Location: Colchester
My other half is going to Afghan....
im not coping with it very well, he hasn't gone on tour since we've been togther so im new to it all. He's an engineer. Is it as bad as what everyone thinks? Will we be able to speak? How do other girlfriends and wives cope?
Heya,
It's not as bad as generally thought. If he's based out on a FOB communication may be limited, but letters always get through (well, mostly, and often with a small delay
), although phone/internet time may be very limited.
If he's based on a major camp (eg. Bastion, KAF - I'm assuming he's going to Afghan) then there's plenty of phone and net access. The NAAFI has wireless interweb, there are plenty of internet cabins with terminals you can book in half-hour slots, and phone cabins where you get 30mins free per week (you can buy more from the NAAFI if you want).
It won't be easy, but you needn't live in fear. Chances of anything happening to him are comparably to those of dying in an RTA. The hardest thing is coping with him being away; the best thing to do is keep busy - be that going out with friends, taking up a new hobby, whatever takes your fancy...so long as it's not Winston
It's not as bad as generally thought. If he's based out on a FOB communication may be limited, but letters always get through (well, mostly, and often with a small delay
), although phone/internet time may be very limited.If he's based on a major camp (eg. Bastion, KAF - I'm assuming he's going to Afghan) then there's plenty of phone and net access. The NAAFI has wireless interweb, there are plenty of internet cabins with terminals you can book in half-hour slots, and phone cabins where you get 30mins free per week (you can buy more from the NAAFI if you want).
It won't be easy, but you needn't live in fear. Chances of anything happening to him are comparably to those of dying in an RTA. The hardest thing is coping with him being away; the best thing to do is keep busy - be that going out with friends, taking up a new hobby, whatever takes your fancy...so long as it's not Winston
-
WillettsLady
- Member
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Tue 31 Mar, 2009 7:16 pm
- Location: Colchester
I dont live very close to his camp so i dont really know many army partners to be honest, thats why i thought id come on here. He left yesterday, it was horrible. Cried a lot when he left, not as much today, im just finding it hard to picture what he is doing. Strange feeling. is the time difference 4 hours ahead in Afghan. I think he'll be out in FOBs because he is Search Team/Bomb disposal.
Time difference is 3.5hrs when Britain's on summer time, 4.5hrs when not.
EOD guys are everywhere, so don't assume the worst until he's told you. He may be lucky and be based out of one of the bigger camps.
Bear in mind that worrying, whilst unavoidable, is good for neither of you. He does need to know you care and need you to lend an ear when he speaks to you; but he doesn't need the added pressure of worrying about how you're coping. The best thing you can do for both of you as I said is to get on with your life as best as possible. It doesn't matter if you don't know many Forces partners, although they'll maybe understand a little better, any supportive group of friends is just as good for you. The first couple of weeks are always the worst, getting used to being apart...that and the last week or two before he comes home because it starts to drag! Try not to dwell on things, get on with your own life, and the time will fly by.
EOD guys are everywhere, so don't assume the worst until he's told you. He may be lucky and be based out of one of the bigger camps.
Bear in mind that worrying, whilst unavoidable, is good for neither of you. He does need to know you care and need you to lend an ear when he speaks to you; but he doesn't need the added pressure of worrying about how you're coping. The best thing you can do for both of you as I said is to get on with your life as best as possible. It doesn't matter if you don't know many Forces partners, although they'll maybe understand a little better, any supportive group of friends is just as good for you. The first couple of weeks are always the worst, getting used to being apart...that and the last week or two before he comes home because it starts to drag! Try not to dwell on things, get on with your own life, and the time will fly by.
-
AIRBUS
- Member
- Posts: 21
- Joined: Thu 05 Oct, 2006 8:15 pm
- Location: Somewhere with lots of people in c95's !
Hey
As druadan has said it really isn’t as bad as you think it will be.
I’m in a similar situation to yourself my other half left 4 weeks ago but as druadan has pointed out the welfare package is good (Could be better but hey..!) All the larger bases have very good internet (even wifi in some areas) and phone access, mail does get through as quickly and as often as the postal and courier guys can move it, believe me those guys know the moral boost a single letter can have so they do try very hard to get mail and parcels to the guys ASAP.
I speak from both sides of the fence having been deployed and having been left behind and going to be deployed again when he gets back
It’s hard not to worry but worrying really doesn’t help either of you.
The first few weeks ARE the hardest you will have days where you find it hard and days where it’s easier, slowly the easier days out number the hard days and before you know it your coping but there will be moments where you have to take a deep breath and carry on.
This is the second tour that I have had to get through in 18 months having myself previously been deployed in the previous months ( Ships passing in the night springs to mind) and it doesn’t get easier second time round, but you do learn the methods of coping. If you haven’t already done so go out and buy a few bits to make up a parcel for him not only will it be a huge boost to him (and I speak from sending and receiving parcels on operational tour) but it will help you, you may not think so when your sat there tears in your eyes addressing the parcel but it really does help. With parcels I found from both sides it wasn’t really the quality of stuff but the frequency of getting parcels. Go out and buy a cheap DVD (assuming he has a laptop or personal DVD player), a bag of sweets, some popcorn and a carton of drink make up a little card saying have a night at the cinema ... corny but believe me when your sat on your bed in theatre not only will it make you smile but give you a huge boost and bring back memories of a night at the cinema together as well as giving your other half something to watch eat and drink.
In the last 4 weeks I have become the master of finding bargains in quid shops... If you want some ideas as to little things that are useful or just sheer luxury just pm me.
When I was in theatre I jokingly remarked that the 5 * hotel I was staying in didn’t have a pool to relax by... The other half sent me a paddling pool and arm bands (yes i can swim)... He even told the girl at argos he was sending it to Iraq.
You wouldn’t believe the fun we (6 tough mili lads) had with that but it provided hours of fun for us and again was certainly a boost to our moral. Hey not every one at the El Basra holiday park had a private swimming pool but we did and boy were our mates jealous !
It’s the fact that someone thousands of miles away has thought about you that really counts.
I’m sure you have discovered the joys of e blueys already when writing try to add a picture when u can (even if it s a crappy one from a mobile) from experience opening the e bluey and seeing a picture really does give you that extra boost and it usually means that it goes on to more than 1 page which means more blueys to open = more post=bigger boost.
You will soon get to learn the times that they download at the respective bfpo which means that if you’re lucky... You can type the e bluey its downloaded and printed a few hours later and on its way to him and he will get it in theatre as soon as. Normally a day or 2 but if the gods are smiling and all is well it can be as little as a few hours if he’s at a main base. .. I sent a letter on Friday evening, it was downloaded and printed over night in theatre and he had received it before I had woken up on Saturday and emailed a reply.. OK that’s the extreme and it doesn’t happen often but it shows the system works.
You soon become expert at writing letters and don’t worry if you don’t say a lot in them remember that getting letters is a terrific boost even if they don’t say a great deal.
I know that the first few days you crave any contact but the first 10 days or so in theatre are always the most manic with briefings and stuff and the hardest days to actually get to make contact and ironically its when you most want to make contact .but he will contact you when he can REMEMBER no news is good news
I can’t explain how good it feels when you get a call from him but Im sure you will soon get that feeling! You soon learn that they call at the most gash of moments (In the shower or on the loo!) And when you pick up your mobile and see a missed call from a 01483 number it’s the pits as you know you have missed them, you can’t call them back and you don’t know when they will be able to call you again... You soon learn to be glued to your mobile phone... But don’t let it rule your life.
Likewise when the phone rings at 4am (and it will!) don’t panic its not going to be the call you dread its just him calling as he has found a time slot to get on the phone smile answer the phone and enjoy every second of the call. Once he’s been issued his phone card you will have access to voicemail, you can leave him a voice message which he will get when he goes to use the phone. its best to use this for short "Hi"
type messages never ever use it for anything important for the person sat in theatre its infuriating to get a message and then not be able to get to call the person and then start to worry !!!!.
There will be milestones that mean the world to you, your first call from theatre, your first e Bluey etc these you will remember. I will never forget the first call I got from theatre... I was in tesco at the time.. yet I couldn’t tell you the first call I made from theatre when I was there.
Try not to worry keep in mind that the media report and hype.
If anything does god forbid happen you WILL know before the media report it I have seen the system in action . It does work trust me.
Don’t get in to panic mode because SKY/BBC/IRN/ITV have reported that X happened at Y resulting in Z.
I see that your other half left on Sunday chances are if he left from Brize I would have seen or met him at the terminal! small world.
They all left happy and arrived safe !
Don’t worry that you don’t live close to other Army families, good friends are every bit as supportive.
Somehow I don’t quite think that me turning to the other service wives would go down well ….( The clues are above!)
But does explain why most of my mates tell there wives and gf’s to talk to me when they get deployed LOL
The time will soon pass and before you know it you’ll be thinking about R&R picking him up from Brize (if you can do .. do it !) and making those days count.
If there’s anything else you want to know or ask PM me always happy to help.
"A"
As druadan has said it really isn’t as bad as you think it will be.
I’m in a similar situation to yourself my other half left 4 weeks ago but as druadan has pointed out the welfare package is good (Could be better but hey..!) All the larger bases have very good internet (even wifi in some areas) and phone access, mail does get through as quickly and as often as the postal and courier guys can move it, believe me those guys know the moral boost a single letter can have so they do try very hard to get mail and parcels to the guys ASAP.
I speak from both sides of the fence having been deployed and having been left behind and going to be deployed again when he gets back
It’s hard not to worry but worrying really doesn’t help either of you.
The first few weeks ARE the hardest you will have days where you find it hard and days where it’s easier, slowly the easier days out number the hard days and before you know it your coping but there will be moments where you have to take a deep breath and carry on.
This is the second tour that I have had to get through in 18 months having myself previously been deployed in the previous months ( Ships passing in the night springs to mind) and it doesn’t get easier second time round, but you do learn the methods of coping. If you haven’t already done so go out and buy a few bits to make up a parcel for him not only will it be a huge boost to him (and I speak from sending and receiving parcels on operational tour) but it will help you, you may not think so when your sat there tears in your eyes addressing the parcel but it really does help. With parcels I found from both sides it wasn’t really the quality of stuff but the frequency of getting parcels. Go out and buy a cheap DVD (assuming he has a laptop or personal DVD player), a bag of sweets, some popcorn and a carton of drink make up a little card saying have a night at the cinema ... corny but believe me when your sat on your bed in theatre not only will it make you smile but give you a huge boost and bring back memories of a night at the cinema together as well as giving your other half something to watch eat and drink.
In the last 4 weeks I have become the master of finding bargains in quid shops... If you want some ideas as to little things that are useful or just sheer luxury just pm me.
When I was in theatre I jokingly remarked that the 5 * hotel I was staying in didn’t have a pool to relax by... The other half sent me a paddling pool and arm bands (yes i can swim)... He even told the girl at argos he was sending it to Iraq.
You wouldn’t believe the fun we (6 tough mili lads) had with that but it provided hours of fun for us and again was certainly a boost to our moral. Hey not every one at the El Basra holiday park had a private swimming pool but we did and boy were our mates jealous !
It’s the fact that someone thousands of miles away has thought about you that really counts.
I’m sure you have discovered the joys of e blueys already when writing try to add a picture when u can (even if it s a crappy one from a mobile) from experience opening the e bluey and seeing a picture really does give you that extra boost and it usually means that it goes on to more than 1 page which means more blueys to open = more post=bigger boost.
You will soon get to learn the times that they download at the respective bfpo which means that if you’re lucky... You can type the e bluey its downloaded and printed a few hours later and on its way to him and he will get it in theatre as soon as. Normally a day or 2 but if the gods are smiling and all is well it can be as little as a few hours if he’s at a main base. .. I sent a letter on Friday evening, it was downloaded and printed over night in theatre and he had received it before I had woken up on Saturday and emailed a reply.. OK that’s the extreme and it doesn’t happen often but it shows the system works.
You soon become expert at writing letters and don’t worry if you don’t say a lot in them remember that getting letters is a terrific boost even if they don’t say a great deal.
I know that the first few days you crave any contact but the first 10 days or so in theatre are always the most manic with briefings and stuff and the hardest days to actually get to make contact and ironically its when you most want to make contact .but he will contact you when he can REMEMBER no news is good news
I can’t explain how good it feels when you get a call from him but Im sure you will soon get that feeling! You soon learn that they call at the most gash of moments (In the shower or on the loo!) And when you pick up your mobile and see a missed call from a 01483 number it’s the pits as you know you have missed them, you can’t call them back and you don’t know when they will be able to call you again... You soon learn to be glued to your mobile phone... But don’t let it rule your life.
Likewise when the phone rings at 4am (and it will!) don’t panic its not going to be the call you dread its just him calling as he has found a time slot to get on the phone smile answer the phone and enjoy every second of the call. Once he’s been issued his phone card you will have access to voicemail, you can leave him a voice message which he will get when he goes to use the phone. its best to use this for short "Hi"
type messages never ever use it for anything important for the person sat in theatre its infuriating to get a message and then not be able to get to call the person and then start to worry !!!!.There will be milestones that mean the world to you, your first call from theatre, your first e Bluey etc these you will remember. I will never forget the first call I got from theatre... I was in tesco at the time.. yet I couldn’t tell you the first call I made from theatre when I was there.
Try not to worry keep in mind that the media report and hype.
If anything does god forbid happen you WILL know before the media report it I have seen the system in action . It does work trust me.
Don’t get in to panic mode because SKY/BBC/IRN/ITV have reported that X happened at Y resulting in Z.
I see that your other half left on Sunday chances are if he left from Brize I would have seen or met him at the terminal! small world.
They all left happy and arrived safe !
Don’t worry that you don’t live close to other Army families, good friends are every bit as supportive.
Somehow I don’t quite think that me turning to the other service wives would go down well ….( The clues are above!)
But does explain why most of my mates tell there wives and gf’s to talk to me when they get deployed LOL
The time will soon pass and before you know it you’ll be thinking about R&R picking him up from Brize (if you can do .. do it !) and making those days count.
If there’s anything else you want to know or ask PM me always happy to help.
"A"
Last edited by AIRBUS on Wed 08 Apr, 2009 4:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.
-
WillettsLady
- Member
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Tue 31 Mar, 2009 7:16 pm
- Location: Colchester
Thanks so much for that, i left my phone at work today and when i got home i had that missed call, obviously i didnt know what or who it was so i called it back and when i realised who rang me i burst into tears. im so gutted. I have already sent him some bits over and ebluey's i just hope he isnt really angry or upset that i missed his call. Everything you said has been really helpful, i might do that paddling pool sketch, he is a big kid and doesn't like the heat all that much haha.
Im already feeling that it will get easier, i've still cried everyday so far, but less each day. He got me a wii and wiifit before he left so that'll keep me a bit busy. Cant believe you probably saw my man before he left. Random. Is your's out there for 6 months as well?
x
Im already feeling that it will get easier, i've still cried everyday so far, but less each day. He got me a wii and wiifit before he left so that'll keep me a bit busy. Cant believe you probably saw my man before he left. Random. Is your's out there for 6 months as well?
x
-
AIRBUS
- Member
- Posts: 21
- Joined: Thu 05 Oct, 2006 8:15 pm
- Location: Somewhere with lots of people in c95's !
Dont blame yourself because you missed his call, he wont be angry and he will call you back when he can. These things happen - frequently !.
Your not alone in crying we have all done it but every day is easier!
Yeah my man is there for another 6 months (ish) but the time will start to fly soon trust me it does. There comes a time when you think where has the time gone and hes home (under your feet) .
Try to fill your time ... The wii is ideal just think by the time hes home you will be expert in the Wii and be able to thrash him at it !!
Set your self a goal to achieve before his R&R or the end of tour and surprise him with your new skill or talent .
Its amazing what you can achieve in 6 months with a little effort - On his last tour I qualified as a sports masseur !
This time Im doing a course in cordon bleu cookery . fills the time and by god when he gets home will he have the massage of his life and a decent meal
Welcome to Army life !
Check your private messages
"A"
Your not alone in crying we have all done it but every day is easier!
Yeah my man is there for another 6 months (ish) but the time will start to fly soon trust me it does. There comes a time when you think where has the time gone and hes home (under your feet) .
Try to fill your time ... The wii is ideal just think by the time hes home you will be expert in the Wii and be able to thrash him at it !!
Set your self a goal to achieve before his R&R or the end of tour and surprise him with your new skill or talent .
Its amazing what you can achieve in 6 months with a little effort - On his last tour I qualified as a sports masseur !
This time Im doing a course in cordon bleu cookery . fills the time and by god when he gets home will he have the massage of his life and a decent meal Welcome to Army life !
Check your private messages
"A"
-
AIRBUS
- Member
- Posts: 21
- Joined: Thu 05 Oct, 2006 8:15 pm
- Location: Somewhere with lots of people in c95's !
Thanks Tom
Speaking from experience
Never really sure whats worse ..
Sitting in theatre waiting for parcels and letters and seeing others get some and feeling forgotten ...Trying to get to the phone or internet
OR
Sat at home in the UK
Waiting for the phone or letter to arrive feeling forgotten...
In reality your not forgotten at all and the calls letters and parcels do arrive.
Always feel for the lads in theatre with me who dont get post and parcels often so always try to get friends to write the odd letter to them rather than flood me . ( 1 mate met his fiance from one of these letters!!!)
Till you been there you just dont appreciatte the boost a letter gives.
"A"
Speaking from experience
Never really sure whats worse ..
Sitting in theatre waiting for parcels and letters and seeing others get some and feeling forgotten ...Trying to get to the phone or internet
OR
Sat at home in the UK
Waiting for the phone or letter to arrive feeling forgotten...
In reality your not forgotten at all and the calls letters and parcels do arrive.
Always feel for the lads in theatre with me who dont get post and parcels often so always try to get friends to write the odd letter to them rather than flood me . ( 1 mate met his fiance from one of these letters!!!)
Till you been there you just dont appreciatte the boost a letter gives.
"A"
6 months is a long time [when you're in love!] but it soon goes. I got engaged and 4 weeks later went to Singapore for 18 months. No phones, no internet, zilch!
But I wrote something like 340 letters - the longest being over 40 pages! And they'd take nearly a week in the post, one way. Ah! Young love!
And 40 years later we're still in love!
So keep your chin up. He'll be back before you know it. And meeting up is......... :multi:
But I wrote something like 340 letters - the longest being over 40 pages! And they'd take nearly a week in the post, one way. Ah! Young love!
And 40 years later we're still in love!
So keep your chin up. He'll be back before you know it. And meeting up is......... :multi:
-
English Rose
- Member
- Posts: 275
- Joined: Sun 28 Mar, 2004 3:15 pm
- Location: Germany
Hiya, sorry for the delay in reply. My husband came back from Afghan 9 days ago, it was my first tour as well so I know how you feel. Like Airbus says, it does actually go quite quickly. It won't always feel like it at the time but when you look back in six months you'll wonder where the time went.
You're a couple of weeks in now, are you feeling a bit brighter? The first two weeks were miserable but you do learn to pick up and get on with it.
You've been given some great advice already so won't double up on it but if you want to talk or want somebody to moan at, feel free to chuck me a PM or just have a whinge on here to get things off your chest.
And don't worry about missing his call! I had to cut my husband short one time because our little one was throwing a massive tantrum and it was impossible to talk, I felt utterly gutted because it was the first time I'd spoken to him in three weeks but it works both ways - they can't always call when you want them to either and they realise life doesn't stop just because they're not there.
You're not on your own so just talk, talk, talk
You're a couple of weeks in now, are you feeling a bit brighter? The first two weeks were miserable but you do learn to pick up and get on with it.
You've been given some great advice already so won't double up on it but if you want to talk or want somebody to moan at, feel free to chuck me a PM or just have a whinge on here to get things off your chest.
And don't worry about missing his call! I had to cut my husband short one time because our little one was throwing a massive tantrum and it was impossible to talk, I felt utterly gutted because it was the first time I'd spoken to him in three weeks but it works both ways - they can't always call when you want them to either and they realise life doesn't stop just because they're not there.
You're not on your own so just talk, talk, talk
Waiting for my rocket to come.
