It`s not Anne Widdecombes Tampax store is it
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harry hackedoff
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Just had the following sent me.......Oh how the memories flooded back! 
HERE'S HOW TO RECAPTURE THE ATMOSPHERE OF THE OLD DAYS AND SIMULATE LIVING ONBOARD SHIP ONCE MORE.
1. Build a shelf in the top of your wardrobe and sleep on it inside a smelly sleeping bag. Remove the wardrobe door and replace it with a curtain that's too small.
2. Wash your underwear every night in a bucket, and then hang it over the water pipes to dry.
3. Four hours after you go to bed, have your wife whip open the curtain, shine a torch in your eyes, and say "Sorry mate, wrong pit."
4. Renovate your bath room. Build a wall across the centre of the bath and move the showerhead down to chest level. Store beer cans in the shower enclosure.
5. When you have a shower, remember to turn the water off while you soap.
6. Every time there is a thunderstorm, sit in a wobbly rocking chair, and rock as hard as you can until you're sick.
7. Put oil instead of water into a humidifier, then set it to "high".
8. Don't watch TV. except for movies in the middle of the night. For added realism have your family vote for which movie they want to see - then select a different one.
9. (Mandatory for engineering types) Leave a lawnmower running in your living room 24 hours a day to re-create the proper noise levels.
10. Have the paper boy give you a hair cut.
11. Once a week blow compressed air up through your chimney. Ensure that the wind carries the soot over into your neighbour's house. When he complains, laugh at him.
12. Buy a rubbish compactor, but only use it once a week. Store up your rubbish in the other side of your bath.
13. Wake up every night at midnight and make a sandwich out of anything you can, preferably using stale bread. Optional: Cold soup or canned ravioli, eaten out of the can.
14. Device your family menus a week in advance without looking in the fridge or larder.
15. Set your alarm clock to go off at random times through the night. When it goes off, leap out of bed, get dressed as fast as you can then run into the garden and break out the garden hose.
16. Once a month, take every major household appliance completely apart, and then re-assemble.
17. Use 4 spoons of coffee per cup; allow it to sit for 3 hours before drinking.
18. Invite about 185 people you don't really like to come and stay for a couple of months.
19. Install a small florescent light tube under your coffee table, and then lie under the table to read books.
20. Raise the thresholds and lower the top sills of all the doors in the house. Now you will always either hit your head or skin your shins when passing through them.
21. Put lock wires on the wheel nuts of the car.
22. When baking cakes, prop up one side of the cake tin while it is baking. When it has cooled, spread icing really thickly on one side to level it out again.
23. Every so often, throw your cat in the swimming pool or bath and shout "man -overboard" then run into the I'M A SCAMMER SPAMMER!!! and sweep all the pots and pans onto the floor while yelling at your wife for not having secured for sea properly.
24. Nickname your favourite shoes "steamies" then get your children to hide them around the house on a random basis.
25, Empty your garden shed of all implements and thread them onto a belt, put the belt on prior to tidying the loft.
26, When your wife does the laundry, get her to put superglue down the inside of the legs of your trousers and inside of your shirt sleeves press them with starch and then smash the buttons with a hammer.
HERE'S HOW TO RECAPTURE THE ATMOSPHERE OF THE OLD DAYS AND SIMULATE LIVING ONBOARD SHIP ONCE MORE.
1. Build a shelf in the top of your wardrobe and sleep on it inside a smelly sleeping bag. Remove the wardrobe door and replace it with a curtain that's too small.
2. Wash your underwear every night in a bucket, and then hang it over the water pipes to dry.
3. Four hours after you go to bed, have your wife whip open the curtain, shine a torch in your eyes, and say "Sorry mate, wrong pit."
4. Renovate your bath room. Build a wall across the centre of the bath and move the showerhead down to chest level. Store beer cans in the shower enclosure.
5. When you have a shower, remember to turn the water off while you soap.
6. Every time there is a thunderstorm, sit in a wobbly rocking chair, and rock as hard as you can until you're sick.
7. Put oil instead of water into a humidifier, then set it to "high".
8. Don't watch TV. except for movies in the middle of the night. For added realism have your family vote for which movie they want to see - then select a different one.
9. (Mandatory for engineering types) Leave a lawnmower running in your living room 24 hours a day to re-create the proper noise levels.
10. Have the paper boy give you a hair cut.
11. Once a week blow compressed air up through your chimney. Ensure that the wind carries the soot over into your neighbour's house. When he complains, laugh at him.
12. Buy a rubbish compactor, but only use it once a week. Store up your rubbish in the other side of your bath.
13. Wake up every night at midnight and make a sandwich out of anything you can, preferably using stale bread. Optional: Cold soup or canned ravioli, eaten out of the can.
14. Device your family menus a week in advance without looking in the fridge or larder.
15. Set your alarm clock to go off at random times through the night. When it goes off, leap out of bed, get dressed as fast as you can then run into the garden and break out the garden hose.
16. Once a month, take every major household appliance completely apart, and then re-assemble.
17. Use 4 spoons of coffee per cup; allow it to sit for 3 hours before drinking.
18. Invite about 185 people you don't really like to come and stay for a couple of months.
19. Install a small florescent light tube under your coffee table, and then lie under the table to read books.
20. Raise the thresholds and lower the top sills of all the doors in the house. Now you will always either hit your head or skin your shins when passing through them.
21. Put lock wires on the wheel nuts of the car.
22. When baking cakes, prop up one side of the cake tin while it is baking. When it has cooled, spread icing really thickly on one side to level it out again.
23. Every so often, throw your cat in the swimming pool or bath and shout "man -overboard" then run into the I'M A SCAMMER SPAMMER!!! and sweep all the pots and pans onto the floor while yelling at your wife for not having secured for sea properly.
24. Nickname your favourite shoes "steamies" then get your children to hide them around the house on a random basis.
25, Empty your garden shed of all implements and thread them onto a belt, put the belt on prior to tidying the loft.
26, When your wife does the laundry, get her to put superglue down the inside of the legs of your trousers and inside of your shirt sleeves press them with starch and then smash the buttons with a hammer.
The Honourable Lord Mike of Loch Borralan
.........................Because I AM Worth IT..xxxx.......Never Mistake Motion for Action
.........................Because I AM Worth IT..xxxx.......Never Mistake Motion for Action
JR... Yes they are out there ....I'm off for a few days so they are someone Else's problem
The older I get the more I miss it..... The wife says its all down to getting OLD.... But... yes I do miss it...
Standing on the quarter deck at sunset with a mug of Tea and watching the sun going down.
The smell of land as you approach a distant island.
Those Little clouds in the tropics which suddenly unleash their contents on you and the unsuspecting officers who are sunbathing on the bridge wings.
Collecting Flying fish on deck in the morning watch and getting the chefs to fry them for breakers....
These are things that only those who have been at sea, can only appreciate
Aye
Mike
The older I get the more I miss it..... The wife says its all down to getting OLD.... But... yes I do miss it...
Standing on the quarter deck at sunset with a mug of Tea and watching the sun going down.
The smell of land as you approach a distant island.
Those Little clouds in the tropics which suddenly unleash their contents on you and the unsuspecting officers who are sunbathing on the bridge wings.
Collecting Flying fish on deck in the morning watch and getting the chefs to fry them for breakers....
These are things that only those who have been at sea, can only appreciate
Aye
Mike
The Honourable Lord Mike of Loch Borralan
.........................Because I AM Worth IT..xxxx.......Never Mistake Motion for Action
.........................Because I AM Worth IT..xxxx.......Never Mistake Motion for Action
One of the things that has always stuck in my memory was as keyboard sentry on the morning watch and HMS Newfoundland was steaming into Manila. I poked my head out of the quarterdeck hatch and the sun was just coming up over thousands of Filipino islands. Cannot describle it but it was magical. I'm sure there were many more memorable moments but that is the one that always surfaces.
Wully
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Laughing like a drain when an idiot booty sitting on the arse end of the B in the darkening evening light asked the shadowy figure standing next to him for a light.
Capt HMS Bulwark didn't smoke, but something came out of his ears.
Capt HMS Bulwark didn't smoke, but something came out of his ears.
You should talk to somebody who gives a f**k.
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El Presidente
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El Presidente
Frank,You 'old' sea daddy you,You forgot to mention the runs ashore,Guard and Band,Morning colours,And of course the good old Royal Marine Thumping party for 'Stroppy' matelots, Oh and of course the delight of going through the 'Middys' flat at call the hands,cutting the hammock clues and nettles Whoopeee.Aye JR Who needs the World as your Oyster,When you've had the world as your cap Badge
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Artist
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Dawn at Scarpa Flow (1977ish), The sun coming up and all the land looking like an Artists Pallete with all the colours of a rainbow in thousands of different hues being reflected in the dead calm water.
Magical, really magical. Even Bob Fergie a bloke who joined up with Hanna Snell commented on it as being "Taint bad at all Young Stevee, now leets git these blooody batteries up to the C11 hey" Which coming from Bob was really amazing as he'd been everywhere Royal could go in his time.
Artist
Magical, really magical. Even Bob Fergie a bloke who joined up with Hanna Snell commented on it as being "Taint bad at all Young Stevee, now leets git these blooody batteries up to the C11 hey" Which coming from Bob was really amazing as he'd been everywhere Royal could go in his time.
Artist
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harry hackedoff
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- Joined: Tue 19 Feb, 2002 12:00 am
From elsewhere Mike,
27 Stand in front of the washing machine at 0400 and shout at the top of your voice,"Washing Machine, manned and ready SIR!"
28 Four hours later, shout "Permission to stand down, SIR"
27 Stand in front of the washing machine at 0400 and shout at the top of your voice,"Washing Machine, manned and ready SIR!"
28 Four hours later, shout "Permission to stand down, SIR"
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I did two years on the 'Min' with Roy Sainsbury, Tony Wood, Mick Bugbee, Gary Cheshire, Chris Connell, 'Big' Sid Everton, Garth Myerscough, Tom Higgins (RIP) and Frankie Francis. 10 man detachments meant that we replaced 10 matelots so glorified sailors was we, but we had a bloody good time (even though it felt like shite whilst we were having it). I shall drop the old boy who runs the site, some of my piccies ranging from 80 to 82. Watch his space?
I was leafing through a book of phots of old naval ships a while back and it fair brought a tear to my eye to see one of the Old Minerva on its side on some skanky Indian beach being stripped down
I was leafing through a book of phots of old naval ships a while back and it fair brought a tear to my eye to see one of the Old Minerva on its side on some skanky Indian beach being stripped down
'you can take the man out of the corps but you can't take the corps out of the man'
Sharky, send your pics to Sticky Blue, he will help post them and send copies to the museum at Eastney; where his wardrobe is awaiting classification, it hasn't changed since 1960dot, but he's still in fashion.
You should talk to somebody who gives a f**k.
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El Presidente
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El Presidente
Coming into sight of Tahiti after 3 weeks at sea ex Vancouver on RFA Sir Geraint, the main island with cloud cover and a smell similar to pine, from a distance of about 15 to 20 miles perhaps, but probably the most enjoyable sight was Gib early morning, never fails to excite.
You were only supposed to blow the Bloody Doors Off....
Rob.... your advice as to post pics to the RM Museum......
I have a shit load (34) of pics from Aden circa 1963, that I have offered to the Museum, I have posted 2 mailys to them with no bloody reply!!
Aye
Mike
I have a shit load (34) of pics from Aden circa 1963, that I have offered to the Museum, I have posted 2 mailys to them with no bloody reply!!
Aye
Mike
The Honourable Lord Mike of Loch Borralan
.........................Because I AM Worth IT..xxxx.......Never Mistake Motion for Action
.........................Because I AM Worth IT..xxxx.......Never Mistake Motion for Action
