Denial

[scaleyback]

Journalist on the radio this morning reporting on what was described as a 'bizarre' press conference on the roof of a hotel by the Information Minister whilst 300 yards away US Soldiers are engaged in street fighting. Minister claims he will take journo's on a bus tour downtown to show where they have repelled the 'invaders'.

The man is a comedy genius

[JR]

That Iraq information Minister has just been signed on by a well known Film Company to appear in the Film 'The Road to Baghdad'.Aye JR

[Topper]

The information minister on sunday claimed that the Iraqis had destroyed 'two US tanks and a spade.' They must be getting desperate. Apparently he meant a tank with a bulldozer style attachment on the front, still quite a gaffe though.

[TexasRanger]

I was awake at 3:00 am this morning doing my level best to force down by 14th corona, so you can imagine my horror when the Minister came on and told a group of reporters. "Deez Mercenary are commiting suicide at the gates of Baghdad" He then went on to say that "The sickness in their heads cause them when they take the pictures in a lobby with a bed at the airport. They are not in the city, we are to destroying them."

As he was saying this my confusion was added to by the scenes of U.S. soldiers idly passing the time in front of a palace like structure reported to be in the heart of Baghdad. Can somebodies pleez explain to me the truths?

[Information!]

"Deez Mercenary are commiting suicide at the gates of Baghdad" He then went on to say that "The sickness in their heads cause them when they take the pictures in a lobby with a bed at the airport. They are not in the city, we are to destroying them."

Ah the clever Americans he is humilited... You see I do speek de truths
Yesterday we deed destroys the spade. Eet was a Spears and Jacksons spades i am telling you. Abdul crushed thee spades with hees xray eyes. He loooked at eet and it is bursting into flames.
The latest news, I tell you dis ees thee truths, two girls were bringing down thirty American B52 helicopters by throwing pitta breads at them, the humiliateds pilots were captured by those girls and are being held as prisoner of war at the airport which we steel have total controls overs. I woood tayk you to the airports but today my car is in for eets MOT. Maybe tomorows I tayk you and show you the 600 prisoners we catch from these fifty B52 helicopters. Our peoples ees at the gates of Baghdad and are throwing themselves onto your infidel bullets at the moment and we ees winning the war. Look over there and you weel see our glorious army in eets Abrams tanks... see how they are coming over here to fire a salute for us... Sheet I gotta go lads... "Achmed, start the donkey, we gotta get out of here, quick!"

[TexasRanger]

welcome

You and I have much to talk about.

[Andy O'Pray]

While watching this joker late last night, I really wanted a US soldier to come up and tap him on the shoulder. I will never know how these journalists could keep a straight face. Surely this guy must be mentally ill. I have been lied to before by Middle Eastern people. See Owdun, I can so be politically correct, but never like this guy.

Aye - Andy.

[Bruce McDonald]

Great picture Information!, just what was called for.

[El Prez]

If only my own Presidential Information and Story Teller (PIST) was as good as 'Have you heard this one?' Saeef.
Whatever he's on I want some.
Lucky Planet: Uranus.
Lucky Bomb: Buster
Fav Quote "What the F.........."

[harry hackedoff]

isn`t denial a long river which runs through Egypt?

[Information!]

Sorry I am not beeing on the teles this mornings but there ees a teleban on at the moments. He he, I am making funnies now, is good yes? I am not waisteeng my times though as I going to see the prisoners we are catching yesterday. Let me tell you this truths. Your newpapers are lyings to you. Theese pictures showing your soldiers, sorry, mercinaries sat in the palaces of Baghdad ees our prisoners. We send them photos to the papers and they change the words. See look at my face, I am telling the truths, is theese the face of liar? Ees it? No, I don't theenks so. Yes I am tell you your papers are lie to you. We are capturing theese soldiers, bugger, mercinaries and locking them een the palace they are not gettings out unless we are saying so. We have just also capture another 7000 troops and are keeping them at the airport with the other prisoners we are having there. We fly them in yesterday in our airplanes. What you not beleeeve me? Look lofty I am telling you theese is the truths. Iam not telling you porky pies... That is eet! I'm goings to get my car from garage and eef it fails hees MOT that mechanic, Mustapaha Tiketmate, can stands by.

[JR]

He's the bastard who said his name was 'jock McGregor' Port Said 1956,I've still got the post cards? to prove it.Aye JR

[harry hackedoff]

Salem- aleckum, may your tribe increase,
Where`s yer mug shot gone Saheed? Surely not copyrite infringement?Talk nicely to Jay
Loved it, today, when you said to the reporter, er sorry, "purveyor of imperialist lies",
"No, I`m not afraid, and don`t you be afraid. It`s quite safe here"

Got to go now, bud. I`m dying for a shi-ite
Aye, Harry crappers

[Information!]

Ah ha! I am back, my seecret police informed me that you were looking for me so I had to hides and maked myself smaller.
Salem- hakedoffs "It`s quite safe here" ah you see I tell truths. I wouldn't hangs around heres for too long if I were you though.
Mr JR I am not these Jock McGregors that you speek of. I deed not steel you fake Rolex watch either, why deed you not reply to my post cards. I send you post cards of my favourite camel, who is also my wife, and you dont's reply. Deed you ever hears from my friend Angus McCoatup?
I must go now and writes the script of what weel be happenings tonight to tell you all in the mornings. I have a copys here for those whos can't make it in the morning.

[Rotary Booty]

Information

Get your butt to Baghdad International Airport (Nee Saddam) soonest, as the Presidential jet is waiting to whisk you to Great Britain.

George Brown, our esteemed financial expert, wishes you to read his Budget speech tomorrow ............. he reckons you will make it sound more believable.