My family

[tugalis]

Would anyone be able to give me any information on how it is for the girlfrieds/wives and kids with the Parter/Dad in the Marines. Im currrently going through the process but Ive got a girlfriend of 4 years and a little baby girl whose a year old.
My girlfriend is 100% behind me but is worried about the time away and that, also is we got married whats it like for her on base, especially if I get stationd away, if there alot of friends between the wives and that type of thing??

Any answers would be great.

Thanks

Tug

[Sully]

There were some wives/girlfriends posting on here but as nobody has got back to you with the gen, I'll have a crack as a bloke. I left the Corps with family considerations in mind - I just couldn't see it working for me, my dad was around when I grew up so I suppose that's the reason.

When I was in RM postings tended to be for 6 months at a time and were always unaccompanied meaning that wife, partner and now single sex partner had to stay at home. I spent a lot of time abroad and I don't think I would have enjoyed it with kids. Lads do join up with kids (there were 2 in our recruit troop) and plenty of bootnecks have families but it wouldn't have worked for me. The Mrs knew I was a bootneck and took that as part of the package but my little fella had no choice.

It's up to you mate but don't go into it thinking you'll have stacks of time with them.

All the best with whatever you decide to do. I wouldn't have missed it for the world but I was in a different situation.

[tugalis]

Cheers for the post mate, glad someone got back to me, everyone is obviously too busy :D

I know I wouldnt get no where near as much time as you would in civie street, my old man used to work overseas for 3 months at a time after he came out of the USAF. His idea was aslong as you enjoy the time when you are with your kids then hopefully it should help with the time your not. Think im gonna try to be like that.


Like I said cheers for the post maty

Tug

[chassytots]

Hello Love

Sorry no one has got back to you...I am not around much...

I have been with my bloke for 3 yrs and he passed out last Sept so I have been around from day 1 and I am now 13 weeks pregnant.

It is great that you have the support of your girlfriend and it sounds like you are concerned about how she feels about it all which is great news because it really takes to make it work.

The time apart isn't easy, you will miss big chunks of your baby girl's growing up and your girlfriend's life and she will have to cope with missing you and bringing up your daughter on her own. However...as long as you make the effort when you can that is what matters. When you get leave go home to your girlfriend and daughter and make up for lost time, ring your girl whenever you can and tell her as much as you possibly can about your life and ask her about hers.

I have chosen not to get married and live on a base and instead we are buying a house. We have decided to buy a house instead because A) When he leaves we won't have to move off a base and will have our own home. B) There is no way of knowing how much time you he will spend away and so prefer to be closer to friends and family C) It is important for me to have my own life, my own job, my own friends and not to become part of the RM life C) My bloke wants to be able to come home and leave the Mairne's behind him until he goes back. D) I have met some really nice RM WAGs however I have met a lot of wet, moany ones too and feel I would rather be at a distance from them.

It is different for everyone...

If you wana know anymore I will get back to you as soon as I can

Chass x

[harry hackedoff]

Good on you Chassy,and good luck with the child
Plenty will read your post and say "if only" well done mate

[English Rose]

Hiya Tug,

My husband's in the REME so I live on an Army base. This is my first posting so I can only give my view on this place but I've lived here for 7 months and I've only just started to get to know people but I've never really gone out of my way to meet people as I'm very wary of them, to be honest.

Personally, I stay out of the cliques, don't give anything away that I'm not happy about people knowing and never discuss my husband or my life behind closed doors (not that there's much to say ) I have a few mates who I'll see once a week or a fortnight or so for a coffee and a chat and that's about it, I generally keep myself to myself but that's my choice, there is always someone to go and see if I'm really that bored!

There are a lot of girls who I'll chat to very, very generally as they simply can't be trusted. I'll say to them 'isn't it sunny today' and they'll go and tell someone I said it was raining....do you know what I mean? There's a lot of boredom, jealousy, bitterness, and resentment to be found on an Army camp.

Having kids helps because you've instantly got something in common with someone else and there are some good girls about. My advice would be to your missus would be to just choose her friends carefully and be very guarded about homelife.

[Frank S.]

I'll say to them 'isn't it sunny today' and they'll go and tell someone I said it was raining....do you know what I mean? There's a lot of boredom, jealousy, bitterness, and resentment to be found on an Army camp.

"Idle hands do the Devil's work", eh?

[anglo-saxon]

E-R speaks the truth.

Living on base is like living in a small town (I've done both and the similarities are alarming). If you're not careful, every man and his dog will know your personal business (or think they do) and judge you accordingly (albeit that they may well have received second-hand, third-hand, etc. info, i.e. gossip).

It is an unfortunate fact of human nature that those with less than full lives have a tendancy to live vicareously though the lives of others. Precisely the reason why daytime soap operas are so popular. Not a healthy way to live at all.

I keep telling my Mrs to watch what she tells people. "Oh, but I only told such and such". In other words she might as well have put it in 6-foot neon on the side of the highway. She tells her so-called friend that I might be getting posted to Vancouver Island and three days later I've got total tossers that I would never give any personal info to coming up to me and asking me about my business.

"Oh, I hear you're moving." My response being the standard, "Really? Who told you that?" Makes them squirm every time. They get nothing out of me.

You want to find out who you can really trust? Tell one piece of benign info (somethng that sounds vaguely juicy, but actually isn't) to each person being tested. Just one piece of info exclusivle per person and see what gets back to you (and how fast). It can be quite enlightening and often with an amusing aftermath, espcially if you have the nuts to confront the first recipient.

As I have had to finally explain to my Mrs, gossip is a display of a lack of loyalty among friends and without loyalty, what kind of a friendship is it? She's a great girl, but far too trusting of people sometimes, which just leads to disappointment. She now realises that rather than the dozen or so friends she thought she had, she really has about two proper, loyal, friends that she can actually trust. At least she knows where she stands and can work with that.

All that guff is one reason why I haven't encouraged my Mrs to get too involved with "Regimental life". She comes with me to events and mess dinners, etc. but that's it. Too many silly wives wearing their husbands rank in the military. It's as if by marrying "Lord such and such", they automatically become "Lady such and such". Sad, small people. Still, sidestepping them is as easy as avoiding diseased road-kill, so life is good!

Nurse! Meds, please!

[English Rose]

"Idle hands do the Devil's work", eh?

Yup!

Spot on, Anglo!

I should also say, though, I do think it is very important to know some wives as civvy mates just don't quite understand what it's like and it does help to have someone to talk to about things when the other half has to go away at really inconvienient times, away making sand castles or to moan about the bin collections even! You do sort of need some support from someone who's in exactly the same boat.

Not everyone is a back stabbing bitch but you really do need to watch out for them - just don't assume someone is really nice because they seem to be

[harry hackedoff]

Not everyone is a back stabbing bitch but you really do need to watch out for them - just don't assume someone is really nice because they seem to be

Too right there Rosie
Look at Loz, Flo, JoJo, Flighty, ariadne, etc etc kinnell

Keep your own councill til you know who the doomers are. Plenty of aquaintances but not many real mates. Just like in real life

[tugalis]

Thanks for your help!!

I know this is going to be hard but I know in the end it will be the best thing for us!! Ive heard alot from my friends in the forces about how the women can be bitches and screw everything that moves, also the bit about marrying the rank!! Its really good to know there are some down to earth and decent people about in the world!!!

Tug

[chassytots]

English is right not everyone is a back stabbing bitch lol and it is difficult to find civvies who understand what it feels like to have a partner in the forces but that is why there are lots of forums out there like this one!

I have found some great forums (some not so great ones too) and they have helped me get through things and get my had around things I am not sure I could have on my own.

Ultimately I think the key for your missus is good friends (I have some fab non-military mates who help me out and are so understanding) and for you to be as supportive of her as she is of you.

I had a bad experience with the whole rank issue at my OH's PassOut but it is how you deal with those things that matter. Personally if I am not wearing a uniform and you speak to me like I am don't expect a very nice reply if one at all...

I hope it all goes well for you, its not been easy for me and there have been been plenty of tears but its all worth it in the end...

XCX

[English Rose]

I had a bad experience with the whole rank issue at my OH's PassOut but it is how you deal with those things that matter. Personally if I am not wearing a uniform and you speak to me like I am don't expect a very nice reply if one at all...

This hasn't happened to me but it has to people I know. My sister-in-law was asked, at the Xmas do, what rank her husband was, she said 'Lcpl' and the woman said 'oh, I'm sorry, I can't speak to you' My sister-in-law isn't one to argue and let her get away with it but, like Chas, that wouldn't happen if she said it to me!

Just to show the other side though, I'm a member of a wive's site, both officers and NCO's, where a group of girls at one posting get together once a week for coffee and when one of the Officer's wive's asked if she could come, she was told no because of her husband's rank - these were the same girls who moan about Officer's wives wearing their husband's rank.

So it does work both ways. And, I certainly don't think it's likely to happen so much that it should put your missus off.

I think a lot of it is down to the individual. I would say you have to be quite tough and take no nonsense of anyone. They'll always be one person who tries to push your buttons. This has only happened to me once and when it was clear I wasn't having it, the girl changed her attitude and has been trying to crawl up my arse ever since but I don't give her the time of day.