Relocated... just saying howdy-doo

[Kanadiana]

Howdy-Doo [:)]

Interesting to be relocated back to my home Province surrounded by many a memory ... many good ones thank god. Was a little worried to have some VERY vivid memories niggling at me ... I just react back with a sort of observant mode. Much history TRULY is history now (I think???)... thank god again! At 50...its TIME to get perspective and be a big girl now!??? I hope (ever a doubting Dora) that my time of intense re-living, triggering etc ... won't kick my ass as bad as it once did, for so long.

Dare I hope I've outgrown the heaviest reactions? Guess my hope is a fragile thing .... negative anticipatory anxiety ... is so dammed habit-forming ... gee, I vaccilate don't I? Trust? Eh? Whassat?

Have been back for almost a month in Winnipeg, Manitoba, land of humongous mosquitos that outnumber humans and winter that almost never quits ... I'm not talking the Mosquito you put fuel in and carries pilots and passengers and war things and stuff either, these suckers drink blood! OUCH

By the way ... the deepest roots of my issues root right back to this part of the world... the ones that put the "chronic" and the "complex" in my ptsd experience.

It will be really something to be back here and "be okay with back here".
Geez ... now if only I could break some behavioral and attitudinal habits that aren't necessary anymore GRIN aye, there's the rub , mates.

My youngest daughter is SO HAPPY to hear me sounding alive-ish again, and getting back in the land of the living.

I did good ... I moved!

DidI say HOWDY-DOOOOOOOOOOO to YOOOO TOOO???



seriously though ... change IS good when stagnating is the other alternative ... if the change ain't so good, move again!

I hope you're all doing well "over the pond there" ...

[harry hackedoff]

Hey Karmen, well done babe
Fifty does have that effect, doesn`t it?

At 50...its TIME to get perspective and be a big girl now!

Er, not on me obviously
Enjoy your daughters, mate

[Kanadiana]

Hey Karmen, well done babe
Fifty does have that effect, doesn`t it?

At 50...its TIME to get perspective and be a big girl now!

Er, not on me obviously
Enjoy your daughters, mate

Heyup babe back at yah Har []
I guess you're not 50 on the inside yet ... good-o and cheerio

Whats that English saying again? Something about keep your pecker up? First time my Foster brother usedthatsaying I almost choked ... "pecker" is NOT a "chin" on this side of the pond... oi oi oi

I love my daughters to pieces. They're pretty cool.

Be well ...

[harry hackedoff]

Cut me in half and count the rings
Twenty five mate and some
11 11 50
Can we have a photograph, so we know who we`re dearing with

[Kanadiana]

Cut me in half and count the rings
Twenty five mate and some
11 11 50
Can we have a photograph, so we know who we`re dearing with

Ooooh ... so you're a crusty old fart then mate? An age when fitting in makes way for taking fits instead? I like that age-range SO much, I've started uncensored-fits early. Surprizes the heck out of people who knew meas a wuss

Hmmm ... photo... I'm nothing spcial, believe me ... just another aged 50 face EEK I'll see ifIhave a little photo to uplaod to my profile IF I can figure out how to do that. It IS really nice to have a face to go with a conversation.

Back at yah crusty old fart wink wink

[Guest]

Back at yah crusty old fart wink wink

thats you sussed then "H"

[Kanadiana]

Heyup Harry ... I'm waiting for the bite back

PS: I tried to upload a photo to my profile but the
photo was too big to upload. I can't re-size it
on my set-up. I'll work on it. Its only fair because
I've already seen a few of your faces in your profiles,
so, patience ... my face will get in here eventually too.

Take care all... Kanadiana

[Mike]

Hey up youz lot....Kanadiana... In particular. Surely age is a state of mind? Following a traumatic period in my families history and the consequences that resulted...I noted that the rest of the folk were rapidly getting over the problem, leaving me wallowing in self pity.
It took some time but in eventually managed to kick my own arse and do something about it. I was by then 17.5 stone and not liking me much. I started the dreaded Atkins diet Hey presto at 58, I am down to 13 stone and still loosing Lbs, I cycle between 5 -10 miles most days and above all I am happy with myself. I certainly do not feel my age either mentally or physically
Where I realize that this sort of action would not suite most people but it goes to prove it can be done.

Kanadiana....Appologies for having not visited your ste for a while I'll be there soon.
Aye
Mike

[Kanadiana]

Hey up youz lot....Kanadiana... In particular. Surely age is a state of mind? Following a traumatic period in my families history and the consequences that resulted...I noted that the rest of the folk were rapidly getting over the problem, leaving me wallowing in self pity.
It took some time but in eventually managed to kick my own arse and do something about it. I was by then 17.5 stone and not liking me much. I started the dreaded Atkins diet Hey presto at 58, I am down to 13 stone and still loosing Lbs, I cycle between 5 -10 miles most days and above all I am happy with myself. I certainly do not feel my age either mentally or physically
Where I realize that this sort of action would not suite most people but it goes to prove it can be done.

Kanadiana....Appologies for having not visited your ste for a while I'll be there soon.
Aye
Mike

Hi Mike ... good to hear about the shifted gears,and the weight loss if it was too much for you.

We're all so different, and travel at different speeds and ways hey? My life has been a pattern of stop, go, backwards, forwards, stand still, etc ... and shit happens when I'm boppin along good. If I'm not currently down and depletd by other stressors, then I can handle the shit ...if not? Curl up and die no energy, can't go there, can't do it, hate hate hate healthsuffers, depression overwhelms etc YUK

I think that stress management, in general, all the kinds that deplete and especially the chronic stuff, if they can be dealt with or done away with, suddenly energy sort of comes, bit by bit, so's things that would have overwhelmed just become very difficult, or pretty easy to handle.

Depletion. What depletes? For me, I had to identify a lot of things and tackle/get rid of a step at a time (th things I could ... bad relationships are areal biggy ... self-steem and mood can be in the dirt with an ongoing bad relationship scenario ... and so forth

PTSD is bad enough and hard enough to weather and cope with ... ptsd with other stressors (all kinds) on TOP of ptsd and their reactions to th nw stressors, becomes intolerabl/impossible... suicide starts to sound like a prestty peaceful solution or like the right answer for guilt .... WHEN the load of stressors is just too dammed much.

Do what we can to lighten our loads so the load we can't dump can be tackled hey? I know I had to lighten my load FIRST before forward progress could happen.

How can you remove that stone when that mountain is sitting on you? Get rid of th mountain then move the ston?

It happens too! COOL ... FAITH and a little practical logic, and good people who understand.... whatever works and doesn't harm.
Ah ... I yap yap yap .... freeflow tangent. All I mant to say was HURRAH MIKEand HELLO! GRIN

Group hug GRIN again!

For those of you in the intense phase of this ptsd hitting home PLEASE, I've been thereand way way down and lost, thinking I was just an absolute useless nutcasefor life etc ....and terrified I could never experience and feel "together, optimistic, happy, caring, loving, etc again ... well, the proof is in the pudding for me ... once me and life were nothing but a black hole with only one answer out .... thank god that wrong answer was bungled each tim ... and I'm here and feel a future again. I FEEL life again and WANT life etc ... FAITH alright? Blind for starters ... it really DOES pay off... I've heard much worse stories than mine...

hugs from Kanadiana Karmen

[harry hackedoff]

Mikey, best you updates yer mugshot, you thin bastard Well done mate. Karmen, thanks for the pm, darling
Old fart and Dutch oven, hmmm

[Kanadiana]

Hi again ... just want to pass on som good news. Yesterday I drove out to the country and tripped down memory lane ... visted places where all the good and the bad of childhood happened.

Good news ... the spots that used to trigger reactions, flashbacks, intrusive memories, including body-memories etc, is now "just a place where shit happened" and though I remember now, I don't re-live, and its nice that the nasty stuff doesn't intrude on appreciating the beauty and nature, or the happier things of the past. I've come to terms with much ... especially with GUILT and SHAME. Perspective happens.

When i think back to when I went thru the upchuck of everything, I DO remember feeling and believing that I would ALWAYS re-live and that I had no power to control or tolerate what I was gong through.

I'm glad I was wrong. I'm still vulnerable to "over-reactions" when stress or fear is too big ... but for the traumas from childhood AND the bad ones from older,including surviving life threatning things ... well hey ... I've either finally overcome/outgrown the reactions or ... ??? Hmmm

Peace ... happens. We can get there from here,e ventually. I very strongly believe that.

anyways ... rock-n-roll what a great day yesterday was!