First time poster needs advice

[Sebastian Street]

Hello everyone I'm Sebastian from Wiltshire.
I like your website, I really hope you guys would be able to help me out.

I originally posted this on a different part of the forum, but I don't think it gets much traffic so I hope you don't mind me posting it here as well.

My girlfriend of some 4 years has just been accepted to join the Army as an officer.
She has no degree or anything but she trained really hard for it and put in loads of study and got accepted.
I have tried to be "her rock" or what ever you want to call it and I have really tried to be helpful and supportive and I think she is genuinely grateful.

Obviously a lot of blokes join the army and leave wives and girlfriends behind, and in some ways my story isn't so different to theirs, but I have scoured the net and there seems to be very little in the way of advice for husbands and boyfriends.

Naturally I am worried about her safety (I have know idea what it's like to be a woman in the army), I am concerned about what effect the training will have on her, whether we will still be able to relate to eachother when she gets fully intergrated in to forces life.
Also I want to be there for her and I want to make things as good for her as possible when she is not "on duty"

Apologies this has turned in to bit of a saga, but I hope you can understand how I feel.

Is there anyone who can offer me any advice and experience?

Thanks in advance

[Tab]

It may sound a bit stupid, but learn to live with it. If you look back over the conflicts in the last decade I can only remember one woman being killed in a combat area.

[Sebastian Street]

Thank you Tab. You're right that is something I am going to have to deal with.

To be honest I know that statistically she is much lower risk and that does give some reassurance.

What I am more concerned about is the effect that it will have on our lives. Of course this is a life chaning experience for both of us and I am worried that I won't be able to understand and relate to her and attend to her needs when she is on leave etc. Is there anything you could suggest that would help me with this?


Thanks again for your interest

[Hyperlithe]

As a woman in the military, my best advice to you is to talk to her!
We can't tell you what will help her best, only she can do that.
From my own experience, I don't like a fuss, and just want everything to be 'normal' when I'm home.
There are lots of other things I could tell you from my perspective, but she could be completely different from me, so it wouldn't necessarily be very helpful!

[Sebastian Street]

Hi Hyperlithe, thanks for your reply, that is pretty sound advice. I guess we won't know what to do until it happens.
I don't want to make too much of a fuss, but at the same time I need her to know that I'm 100% with her.

Just stupid stuff really, like how often should I call and write etc that sort of thing.

Thanks again for the help

[Sisyphus]

My daughter spent 7 1/2 years in the Navy. During that time she and her boyfriend got engaged and then married. He went to live with her down South and followed her whenever she was posted.

So I suppose that side of it depends on your job/career and whether you can be flexible enough to move in the same way.

Writing is a great way to communicate [even in these days of electronic wizardry where communication is so much easier]. Mind you don't expect instant replies when she's in training - she's going to be a busy girl!

Good Luck!

[Sebastian Street]

Thanks Sisyhus, I really value your input

[Hyperlithe]

It's nice to get letters while you're in training, having something tangible that you can re-read on a down day makes a difference. My mum used to send me funny cards with a little note in. Either do it so that she gets a letter every week, giving her a set thing to look forward to, or do it randomly, so that it's a nice surprise, up to you!
It'll be easiest to let her call you, as you keep some peculiar hours whilst in training, and you'll never know whether she's able to talk or up to her ears in ironing and boot polish.

[Sebastian Street]

Thanks Hyperlithe, that is some good advice, I will definitely take that one board. I like writing letters so that will work nicely for me.

Thanks again

[MSI64]

Can I suggest when you write, dont try and overthink it.
Talk about every day stuff, thats the kind of thing that puts things in perspective
. ALways be at the end of a phone. Let her waffle to her hearts content when she calls. If you miss her call make sure you call her as soon as you can. Dont get stressed if she misses a phone call or cuts you short if you call. Sometimes its not a good time to talk.
Try going online and learn her new language, so you have a handle on what she is talking about.
Never ever ever trivialize anything she tells you about training, the smallest things suddenly become very important when your in training, and small victories may sound like nothing to you but it means everything to the person training.

Good luck to both of you.