'Porkies'

[JR]

Whilst serving on board the HMS Victory I had the misfortune to be nominated to take a 'gaggle' of School children on a tour of the Ship,the 'Gaggle' included my eldest 'sprog' who informed all and sundry that I was her Daddy (much giggling from the girls) the day was Trafalgar day with the ship dressed overhaul with the famous signal 'England expects ect', the question from the school kids came fast and furious,then the crunch,why all those flags 'Mister' well sez I its the 21st of October and the flags are for 'Jenny' my sprogs Birthday,and from that day to this that girl still believes the the dressed overhaul was for her benefit,come this 21st Oct I will drop the pretence the big 'sprog' is now old enough to bear the shock???.Aye JR

[John_D]

Talking about the Victory Jim
In 1977 I was down at Selsey Bill
on hols Ithink it was when the museum
first moved into the officers quartewrs.
40Cdo were based there.

anyway I takes the family to tour the Victory.

half way through the tour,( Ithink it was the second gun deck)
my youngest son ( then 3yrs old) says dadie I want a wee wee.
so what was the option. when Royal was not looking young en
had his wee wee on one of the guns.

John_D

[JR]

A true 'son of a gun' John,could'nt make the gun port eh?.Aye jr

[Mike]

The French Skool Kids were the worst....I could never undrstand why the were sent to view one of the vessels of war that wopped them.... the Krouts and the Yanks were the best and always Klebed (Tipped)...

Now there is an expression that I have never come across before or after leaving the Vicky Ship....Any Idea JR (Klebed and Kelb boxes) the origines there of?
Aye
Mike

[Jamie T]

JR, no sprog is ever old enough to bear the shock. She'll never forgive you and may possibly gain a complex about flags on her birthday.
Either that or she'll find it funny and get her own back one day.

[JR]

Mike,you old son of a sea cook?,Kleb boxes? Its got to be something that Jolly Jack thought up, cant find any reference to it anywhere,Now Royal would have called it a 'Piggy' Bank,we can both relate to that time of the week when they were carried Aft to the Wardroom table,with all those miserly money grabbing Matelots counting,once they got to Ten off came the shoes. Did you ever do the bank run? walking out of the dockyard with the money bag,dockyard copper on the gate giving you the ok little realising how many blue liners you had in the bag,Ship Marines,very versatile,very crafty,very adaptable.Aye JR

[barrybudden]

Paddy was being taken on a tour of the Victory, he says to the guide
'hoi, whats that brass thing on the deck for?'
The guide replies 'thats the spot where Nelson fell'.
I'm not surprised says Paddy I nearly triped over it myself.

[harry hackedoff]

Haw Haw Haw, that man Larf.
Jim, woddyano about "Fothering"?
Tricky one, hey mate

[sneaky beaky]

Had a laugh the other day. My Bro in Law was with us for a week. His name is Ian Nelson.
He joined the Navy from school and went straight to the training ship HMS Arethusa. (Ipswich, I think.) Anyway one of the things they used to make these youngsters do is "Man the Mast". Young cadets everywhere, with the supposedly best cadet standing on top of the mast!!
My Bro in Law fell off the top of the mast and became a cropper. (Not to any real serious injury, I might add) He also became fairly famous as the only cadet to have fallen off the mast.
Many years later, a distant relation was being given a guided tour of the Arethusa and asked the guide to show her the spot where Nelson fell! Condescendingly he said ,"Sorry madam but Nelson fell on the Victory not the Arethusa". I think her reply was something along the lines of - "No you silly man not Admiral Nelson - Ian Nelson!!"). I think he has dined on that story for years.
Just as a foot note. His great, great, great grandfather, twice removed, or something - was Horatio Nelson.
His sister, is my wife - so you see I am really famous!!
Sneaky

[El Prez]

Cor......I know someone who is married to the sister of the wife of a chap who is a distant relly of Horatio Nelson. Cor.

[harry hackedoff]

Fothering, here we go.
When Endeavour was discovering the wonderfull world of Oz, she was driven onto a reef, despite the best efforts of the crew trying to pull her astern with the ships boats and since the bottom was over two hundred fathoms the bower anchor wasn`t much use at only one hundred and fifty. The reef`s name is Endeavour Reef, funny coincidence, that

Jim Cook had two prioritys, get her afloat and keep her afloat. The nearest land was miles away. He jettisoned tons of both iron and stone ballast but she held fast and in a last desparate measure he ordered the guns over the side. Eventually she was pulled off astern by the crews in the two longboats and her water intake increased because the hole made by the reef was now open to the sea. For over twenty four hours every man jack on board, including the Captain, worked fifteen on fifteen off at the pumps and they were just able to keep the water from flooding the ship. A young Middy had served on an American merchantman which was holed far worse than Endeavour off the east coast of America and her captain was so confident of Fothering as a means of repair, that she made the crossing to Bristol instead of returning to harbour. Several of Cook`s officers had heared of the event but none had ever seen it carried out. Cook had come up from the lower deck and was far more open to suggestions from junior ranks and so he gave the young Middy five matelots and told him to get on with it. Oakum is teased out rope yarn and it was mixed with grease and applied in fist-sized lumps to an old piece of sailcloth. This was hauled under the ship till it covered the hole and water presure forced it over the damage. At once the inrush of water stopped and the ship was saved.
Next question, does anyone know what "c@#t" are?
Tip, they`re not like crows feet in the nether region

This thread was hi-jacked by militaryforums Historical Ships rep.

[harry hackedoff]

It`s the sixteenth century matelots name for the grooves in large ropes

[Mike]

Paddy was being taken on a tour of the Victory, he says to the guide
'hoi, whats that brass thing on the deck for?'
The guide replies 'thats the spot where Nelson fell'.
I'm not surprised says Paddy I nearly tripped over it myself.

In my time on the Vicky Ship I must have taken thousands of trips round...And I guess that on each ocasion...the above little Dit was said...... The plaque is now firmly bolted to the decking
Aye
Mike

[Information!]

There ees no infidel tanks or troops in Baghdad