Artist and his Daughters. (a stirring saga of I said NO!)

[Artist]

Missus has naffed off to Sunmans Island (cant be ar*ed to try and spell it)

So the remaining three Daughters are at me mercy! Cackle Cackle.

It is now day four and they've all buggered off to stay with boyfriends and me Mk1 daughter!

The dreaded "Purple Sunday" will not be forgotten thats for sure. Decided to do the dhobey and just chucked this pile of G strings, Bras, T shirts etc, etc, into the old washing machine. Oooops. They now have very fetching purple underwear!

Mk2 is well hacked off with her Daddy. Quids 60 worth of expensive underwear is now Purple and not the original colour. (a very fetching Crimson so I was informed between swear words directed at my good self)

What both confused and bewildered me was the amount of metalwork attached to the G strings! You could have some buggers eye out if you threw a pair at them. The sight of three daughters trying to sort out which purple bit was who's was a joy to behold. I felt that in some small way I had brought them together in sisterly comradeship. Even if it was to denouce me as a "F**king Idiot!" (Mk2's daughters words, where do they learn such rude words?)

So here I am this Easter Monday debating whether to go and have a pint or read a good book. It's great!

No "Daad!" can you give me a lift, lend me LARGE SUM OF MONEY, give it back to you friday, honessst Daad" rubbish I normally get from the sods!

The cats seem to have decided to avoid the house save for scran also. They just sit at the bottom of the garden giving me daggers. (decided they needed worming and treating with an anti Flea thingie) The scratches are healing well.

Anyone fancy giving me a hint on how to dye purple underwear Crimson?

Artist

[minimac]

Artist

I'd love to be a fly on your wall.
Sounds great fun!!
T

[flo]

Had the same problem with Jeds thongs (well he is a Royal Marine) make sure they stay wet and soak them in a solution of Vanish stain remover overnight, then wash them at 60 degrees and hope the extra dye fades. Failing that you could earn extra brownie points and say that you thought they had all lost weight and deserved to be taken shopping for some new undies!! Or you could go down to your local woolies and buy some black die and tell them that you read in womans own that black is the new red!!!!!!!!

[minimac]

Or you could go down to your local woolies and buy some black die and tell them that you read in womans own that black is the new red!!!!!!!!

Then the stick he would get for reading Womans Own would be intolerable

[El Prez]

Steve, you sound happy, consequently there's nothing to do but stay happy.
Keep smiling mate!

[Artist]

They will have to wait until Saturday when I will bulk purchase some off me Oppo who sells ladies underwear at the market.

Can't see what the fuss is all about really. I mean to say who's going to see them? Cackle Cackle!

Have been playing me CD's full chaff which prompted a visit from the next door neighbour asking me to turn it down a Tad.

Apparently they know the Lyrics to the Cures "Fridays I'm in love" by heart. And have a working idea on the Padstow Mayday song going full chaff as well.

Maybe playing Floyds "Brick in the Wall at 0130hrs after a very successful Damson wine tasting session was in hindsight not a good move. The wine was a delicate Blow your Tits off vintage as a slight headache is being nursed at this time.

The next job is to encourage a few like minded loons to another wine tasting session this evening as daughters have said they will not be home till thursday. Mk4 is with Mk1. Mk2 is with fiance. Mk3 is staying with her "Mates" in Crewe. (a good place to be a manic depressive)

It's a bring as much as you can carry session so just to show what a good egg I am I have purchased some Beefburgers (buy one get one free) and a ruck of Burger buns. (buy one get one free) The vegitarians are catered for also. Two boxes of Rice Chrispies. (buy one get one free) And four pints of low fat milk. O and I bought an onion as well. Yep, I have really splashed out on this do!

Artist

[mattt_h]

what is crimson?

[Artist]

Matt H

Red. OK?

Artist

[mattt_h]

cheers

[Artist]

Had a visit from MAJOR DISASTER this morning. Poxy Hoover went bang.

Went to get a spare part only to be told it will take two weeks!

I asked the bloke if it was being transported by pack Animal which annoyed him. So went to another place and got the said part and fitted it to the Hoover and away I went.

The wine tasting evening went well. Still have some Rice Chrispies left mind. Mk3 came home this morning for a change of clothes. Stayed 2 hours ate me Ginsters Cornish Pasty I'd bought for me din dins, tapped me for a ten spot and buggered off! I love her really, honest!

Wife sent postcard telling me how nice it is where she is and that she would be home in 10 days time. If she came in at this time I would be in deep Cack as the diningroom table is covered in Flat irons, Cobblers Lasts and various bits n bobs in a variety of colours being readied for a Canal Shop in Elmsmere, Shropshire. Normally am stuck in the yard doing this sort of stuff. Mk3 pointed out the paint that was on the said table I told her to "Mind her own Business" The table needs to be stripped and revarnished anyway.

My but this single parenting is a Breeze! They just stay away.

Artist

[Lurchenstein]

Anyone fancy giving me a hint on how to dye purple underwear Crimson?

Wash them with bleach in hot water, with a crimson USMC T-shirt. No guarantees (easier done with white).

Should redirect the anger to that Lurch-like b@st@rd across the pond.

[JR]

Steve,Hoover wrapped in did you carry out the 1st IA,Hoover hooves one or two hooves Stops,1st IA out plug bag off empty bag,bag on in plug carry on hoovering,Hoover stops again,out plug bag off bag on in plug hoover refuses to hoove,sod off and get a broom?.Aye jr

[El Prez]

Wife wifing alright, wife stops, pray for peace, wife wifes one or two more times, pray for peace, place on warning, wife continues to wife then stops. Slap hard on arse, wife moves deliberately, wife wifes away, husband wakes up in RNH.