I'm sat here bored, still not given birth, in danger of being harpooned if I stay in the one place for too long and mighty p'd off.
Anyone got anything to make me smile or even better laugh myself into labour?
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Someone amuse me, PLEASE!
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Scottish Thistle
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- Posts: 591
- Joined: Tue 30 Mar, 2004 3:17 pm
- Location: Glasgow
Someone amuse me, PLEASE!
Howdy everyone!
I'm sat here bored, still not given birth, in danger of being harpooned if I stay in the one place for too long and mighty p'd off.
Anyone got anything to make me smile or even better laugh myself into labour?
I'm sat here bored, still not given birth, in danger of being harpooned if I stay in the one place for too long and mighty p'd off.
Anyone got anything to make me smile or even better laugh myself into labour?
Live well - laugh often - love much
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Artist
- Guest
Try emulating that Eijut David Blain ST.
Eat sixteen tins of Pork Saugages n Beans helped down with 10 litres of Iron Bru. Wait four hours and then imerse yourself in oggin, take deep breaths before you go under and then hold you breath for nine minutes. The resulting Fart should register on the Ricter Scale and the baby should pop out like a cork from a champagne bottle. So make damn sure you have Skiffle behind you ready to catch the little bugger.
BruuuuuumphHHHHHHH! Hic! POP! WACK! WAHHHHH!
Piece of piss!!!
Artist
Eat sixteen tins of Pork Saugages n Beans helped down with 10 litres of Iron Bru. Wait four hours and then imerse yourself in oggin, take deep breaths before you go under and then hold you breath for nine minutes. The resulting Fart should register on the Ricter Scale and the baby should pop out like a cork from a champagne bottle. So make damn sure you have Skiffle behind you ready to catch the little bugger.
BruuuuuumphHHHHHHH! Hic! POP! WACK! WAHHHHH!
Piece of piss!!!
Artist
Sex, apparently is a good help with giving birth, however, it was the reason to why your carrying a rugrat.
Curry too! Mind you, it may give you the sh*ts, just watch out you don't actually 'drop the kids off at the pool'.
Failing that, just read Doc's recent KIND replies, may give you a giggle or can be used as a form of shock treatment!
Curry too! Mind you, it may give you the sh*ts, just watch out you don't actually 'drop the kids off at the pool'.
Failing that, just read Doc's recent KIND replies, may give you a giggle or can be used as a form of shock treatment!
[img]http://www.btinternet.com/~stuart.bowell/jb.jpg[/img]
[url=http://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/][img]http://tickers.baby-gaga.com/p/dev307bf___.png[/img][/url]
[url=http://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/][img]http://tickers.baby-gaga.com/p/dev307bf___.png[/img][/url]
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Scottish Thistle
- Member
- Posts: 591
- Joined: Tue 30 Mar, 2004 3:17 pm
- Location: Glasgow
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Scottish Thistle
- Member
- Posts: 591
- Joined: Tue 30 Mar, 2004 3:17 pm
- Location: Glasgow
flo wrote:how long until baby skiffs is due. Have to say i discovered which why your condom didnt work
and this is what happened...................
ANYTHING YET..............NO TWINGES
5 (very long )days and counting, Flo. I think I've had him drive me over every bumpy road there is going. Back road to Largs tonight methinks
Live well - laugh often - love much
Dont even attempt castor oil, all it will do is give you a severe dose of the trots, our jed can vouch for that (long story )
Dont worry mate just relax and enjoy the next 5 days because after that it all goes down hill, dirty nappies, crying (and that includes skiffle) lack of sleep
Make sure him indoors does his share and if anyone offers to help ACCEPT IT
Take it easy mate and keep us informed.
) Dont worry mate just relax and enjoy the next 5 days because after that it all goes down hill, dirty nappies, crying (and that includes skiffle) lack of sleep
Make sure him indoors does his share and if anyone offers to help ACCEPT IT Take it easy mate and keep us informed.
Friendship is like peeing in your pants,
everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth!!
everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth!!
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harry hackedoff
- Member
- Posts: 14415
- Joined: Tue 19 Feb, 2002 12:00 am
Jesus, I was going to rip into you Heather, till I realised you said "amuse" and not "abuse"
Mind you, you might want to tell Skiff to abuse himself instead, next time
Good look with the ween, Hen
Mind you, you might want to tell Skiff to abuse himself instead, next time
Good look with the ween, Hen
[url=http://www.militaryforums.co.uk/forums/groupcp.php?g=397][img]http://www.militaryforums.co.uk/forums/images/usergroups/listener.gif[/img][/url]
Wots wrong with castor oil...... Her ladyship and I used to put it on the door knob once we'd run out of Vaseline..... Hackedoft you got it wrong before you utter a word... It was on the door knob to stop the kids entering the bedroom on a Sunday morning
Take care Heather and like its been said before make sure that skiff gives you a helping hand...... With looking after Baby Skiff
Aye
Mike
Take care Heather and like its been said before make sure that skiff gives you a helping hand...... With looking after Baby Skiff
Aye
Mike
The Honourable Lord Mike of Loch Borralan
.........................Because I AM Worth IT..xxxx.......Never Mistake Motion for Action
.........................Because I AM Worth IT..xxxx.......Never Mistake Motion for Action
The Arrival
Ah up Heather
Look at it this way it will be here before christmas. And you know how quick that comes around don't you?
:smilecolros:
Look at it this way it will be here before christmas. And you know how quick that comes around don't you?
:smilecolros:
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Frank S.
- Guest
Research identified these as the tops jokes from each of the following countries:
Germany
Why is Television called a medium?
Because it is neither rare or well done.
France
You're a high priced lawyer! If I give you 500 dollars, will you answer two questions for me?
Absolutely! what's the second question.
Belgium
There are basically three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count and those that can't.
Sweden
A Guy phones a Hospital and yells: "You've gotta help! My wife's in labour!"
The nurse says: "Calm down. Is this her first child?"
He replies: "No! This is her husband!"
Canada
What do you call s woman who can balance four pints of beer on her head?
Beatrix
Germany
Why is Television called a medium?
Because it is neither rare or well done.
France
You're a high priced lawyer! If I give you 500 dollars, will you answer two questions for me?
Absolutely! what's the second question.
Belgium
There are basically three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count and those that can't.
Sweden
A Guy phones a Hospital and yells: "You've gotta help! My wife's in labour!"
The nurse says: "Calm down. Is this her first child?"
He replies: "No! This is her husband!"
Canada
What do you call s woman who can balance four pints of beer on her head?
Beatrix
