Found this on the internet, thought it was quite funny.
British Military Officer Fitness Reports
The British Military writes OFR's (officer fitness reports); the form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The following are actual excerpts taken from people's ``206's''
His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
I would not breed from this Officer.
This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't-be.
When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.
He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.
Technically sound, but socially impossible.
This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.
This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably. **This is my Favourite**
Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.
She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.
This Officer should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better.
In my opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet.
The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship.
Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
Only occasionally wets himself under pressure.
Cheers
James
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Excerpts from Officer Fitness Reports
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Artist
- Guest
A Certain Marines 365a (candidate for promotion chit) was written by his boss. It took days to work out just what to say without infering that the said Marine was a Disaster looking for an Area to populate.
Finally it was completed.
Just one sentence in point of fact.
He tries to the best of his limited mental ability He never got to be an NCO.
This marvelous gentleman was the only bloke I ever knew who was knocked out cold by a glancing blow from a ten pound Sledge Hammer.
How did it happen I hear you all ask? Simple really. He decided to stand behind a Sigs Cpl (me) who was using the hammer to hammer in an Earth Spike for a C11 HF radio on Dartmoor during a Bde Ex at three ish in the Morning.
"Taff!" I asked him when he came to. "Just what the Fark were you doing stood behind me you daft Bugger?"
"I wanted to seee howw it was done See"
"Did you discover how it's done then Taff?"
"Yes Steve I did"
"Then next time you can do the hammering Taff, OK?"
"Oh no Steve!............................. It bloody hurts!"
He was once locked in Cascades when he fell asleep in the heads. We asked him what he did once he found himself all alone in a place full to the brim with Booze. "I got me head down see"
As I said he never climbed to the top....Bless Him.
Just remembered what happened to Taff! He was finally given the old SNLR Heave Ho (Services no longer required). I kid you not people he came up to us looking very down in the mouth so we asked him what was wrong. "There making me use an SLR, I want an SMG like you lot"
That really summed up Taff. As long as his arse pointed down............
Artist
Finally it was completed.
Just one sentence in point of fact.
He tries to the best of his limited mental ability He never got to be an NCO.
This marvelous gentleman was the only bloke I ever knew who was knocked out cold by a glancing blow from a ten pound Sledge Hammer.
How did it happen I hear you all ask? Simple really. He decided to stand behind a Sigs Cpl (me) who was using the hammer to hammer in an Earth Spike for a C11 HF radio on Dartmoor during a Bde Ex at three ish in the Morning.
"Taff!" I asked him when he came to. "Just what the Fark were you doing stood behind me you daft Bugger?"
"I wanted to seee howw it was done See"
"Did you discover how it's done then Taff?"
"Yes Steve I did"
"Then next time you can do the hammering Taff, OK?"
"Oh no Steve!............................. It bloody hurts!"
He was once locked in Cascades when he fell asleep in the heads. We asked him what he did once he found himself all alone in a place full to the brim with Booze. "I got me head down see"
As I said he never climbed to the top....Bless Him.
Just remembered what happened to Taff! He was finally given the old SNLR Heave Ho (Services no longer required). I kid you not people he came up to us looking very down in the mouth so we asked him what was wrong. "There making me use an SLR, I want an SMG like you lot"
That really summed up Taff. As long as his arse pointed down............
Artist
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harry hackedoff
- Member
- Posts: 14415
- Joined: Tue 19 Feb, 2002 12:00 am
Lt X has delusions of adequacy, swims in the shallow end of the gene pool and is a model Officer.
"Model" as in nonfunctioning replica of the real thing
And I once said to one particularly pretentious example,
"I am trying to see things from your perspective Boss"
And then to the boys , soto voce, "but I can`t quite get me head that far up me arse"
Ten shon, apparently there is an Officer on Parade, Parade, Dis Miss
"Model" as in nonfunctioning replica of the real thing
And I once said to one particularly pretentious example,
"I am trying to see things from your perspective Boss"
And then to the boys , soto voce, "but I can`t quite get me head that far up me arse"
Ten shon, apparently there is an Officer on Parade, Parade, Dis Miss
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Doc
- Guest
"Sir if I were to call you a complete arse would you put me on a charge!?"
"Oh course I would Marine Snigglebottom!!!!!"
"Sir if I were to think you are a complete arse, would you put me on a charge!?"
"Oh course not Marine Snigglebottom, what you think is your own affair!"
"Very good Sir, in that case I definatly think that you are a complete arse!"
"Oh course I would Marine Snigglebottom!!!!!"
"Sir if I were to think you are a complete arse, would you put me on a charge!?"
"Oh course not Marine Snigglebottom, what you think is your own affair!"
"Very good Sir, in that case I definatly think that you are a complete arse!"
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Artist
- Guest
