The mystery of Rob Parrys loft

[Guest]

Is the doc still about
(Or has he gone to the pub?)

I’ve been having trouble for some time now. Every time I look out of my windows I see spots before my eyes. I’ve already been asked if I’ve seen a psychiatrist but I can honestly say that I’ve only seen spots.

This is particularly troublesome to me when I’m trying to peer in the window of the chap who lives opposite who has some very peculiar hobbies which the spots tend to occlude. I wouldn’t mind but recently I had an extremely disturbing experience whereby I could see him doing something very curious indeed with his hands but, irritatingly, due to the placement of the spots, I was unable to see what. This, in turn, has led to some anxiety on my part and concern that the ‘officials’ might be called in if I have to carry on leaning right out of the window to get a clear view, where my binoculars are visible for all to see.

What do you think the trouble could be? (My window cleaner reckons he knows the answer but, hey, he’s just a window cleaner, what does he know?)

I think I require an urgent assessment before I am trundled off in the back of a black Mariah.

[Wully]

Tessie, you should come and visit us sometime; the chap who lives behind us doesn't believe in curtains and frequently entertains the who neighbourhood!! I would report him to the police but my wife won't let me; she says it's the onlly bit of fun the locals ladies get these days

[owdun]

Nice one,Wully, it's great to see that some Ladies still have a good sense of humour. My old lass would have re-acted in much the same way, I reckon it's living with Bootnecks that does it, kind of rubs off on 'em over the years.


Aye Owdun.

[harry hackedoff]

I reckon it's living with Bootnecks that does it,

What? Perving on other blokes
Shame on you Owdun

Tessie, doc is still very much"about" as you put it His frequent absences are caused by him pining for the Alps

[El Prez]

The latest news on Mangle was hidden away in the bunker. probably the best thing that could happen.

Great news chaps and lumpy jumpers. Mangle has been removed from the high security wing of Wun Lim Pwand prison just outside Bangkok. The Governor, one Lik Mi Bish, was entranced to discover that the dark haired wide eyed lovely with the round vowels is a welder of extreme skill. His panoply of He/Shes were presented to Mangle, who with marvellous sensitivity, recreated the puckered charms of former years.
As an act of good faith, and knowing which side of his paw-paw is buttered, Lik Mi, also known as The Grim Reamer, has allowed mangle exclusive use of the former senior guards office once occupied by no greater figure than JR. At least his scrawlings and five bar gates are everywhere. Mangle has taken to allowing the guards to bring their nearest and dearest in to his workshop for reconfiguring. So far he has established that none of the guards cares for the other sex; so his day is filled with modifying boys and dodging lustful ladies. Well….. not so much dodging as running helter skelter straight at them. Telephone calls to Mangle are generally answered by a soft voiced creature, who immediately hands the phone to his mum, Hang Onty Mee. (Her origins are covered in secrecy, unlike her parts, which are covered in scars. There is however a whiff of Scotland about her utterances)

The mighty Mangle is happy with his lot, he does not intend returning to Cornwall, which satisfies the Chief Constable, and most of the WI. He asked to be reminded to Loz, and Archie, claiming that neither paid for his extensions to their appendages. He’s not one to bear a grudge; he reckons the materials were faulty anyway, and will probably develop something nasty next spring. He has asked for the plans we produced for a new high tech set of stirrups, so he obviously has delusions of grandeur, and a head for nasty views. I’m sure we all wish him well, and may I suggest his subscription to Taliban Monthly was not wasted.

Go for it Mangle, Mea Culpa.

The surgery has been very quiet since the dear lad went on his Gap Year. I thought he meant a shopping trip to Plymouth, but it means much more to the wide eyed youth of today. Mangle's reports of bus loads of virgins in downtown Bangers relies more on heresay than on fact. Yes there's busloads, but Virgins are few and far between.

To business. it has been suggested that the surgery be reopened, since the lads from Black Rat's circle have all been warned off. How about it, says I to meself? How about what? Was the reply.
The main problem is the new name for the building. 'Nip and Tuck' sounds like something out of Robin Hood; 'Hang 'em High' is a tad Genghis, and 'The Stirrup Cup' has nasty connotations. So any ideas........... about names please.

I have been on a recruiting drive. Each walker I have seen has been driven at, winged and offered help to the nearest medical establishment, which co-incidentally is mine. Chaps are despatched in blue bin liners, to the garden waste tip, alternate Mondays; the lassies are detained for medical tests, and electrical conductivity. It has to be said that the new soundproofing has improved the overall aura of the operating rooms. Chainsaw noise is reduced to a hum, which is neatly balanced by the hum and gentle thwack of the Van der Graaf generator. Such complete idealists those Argentinian interrogators.

So, sailmakers and palm at the ready; elctrical discharges at max wattage; and the floor mopped. it's time for action.

Cue Mrs Blenkinsop, from Godover the Hump Farm. Herr Gass, you may stop using that Cue now, please, yes I know she's smiling, but your anaesthetic should produce the same result. (The cue is another of my innovations, learnt while ensconced in Maximim Security) Herr gass is not what he was, in fact it's true to say he isn't as he has had the full treatment and is now Frau Gass. What wonders I have worked, what stitching, what Cavalier strokes. Guess which parts are the ears of a Cavalier King Charles. Such originality, but he complains, yes honest he does, he cannot stop scratching them with his feet; it's embarrassing in the bar of the pub when he suddenly reaches into his crotch and starts rubbing away, the barmaids try their hardest to ignore him, but when he's got his nose under your skirt it gets personal.

There's the bell. Must be Agnes Murgatroyd in need of more pain relief...................now where's that Cue? gass, come here, it's my turn to help Agnes. Stop crying like an old woman, you are a young girl......for now

[owdun]

Knock it of, you mad bastard, I've just tried to dye a perfectly good pair of slacks with coffee, poured via the nasal organ, and it was sodding HOT.



Aye Owdun.

[El Prez]

The new receptionist, Veronica, started today, she started so quickly she was half way down the road before we could grab her. My god but some of these girls can struggle. The upshot is that Gass had to give her a real whack of Pethadine; not an injection, just a smack with the jar. Her short term memory is now short enough that she can be taken home and quietly handed over to her family. If you think remaining here would be bad you should meet her family. They put the Addams to fright.

So, the new girl, Felicity, starts tomorrow. I think her introductory phase must be shorter and more vicious, less calm and understanding, go straight to the point. It may well be that Gladys Cornbuckles thrashing around put Veronica off the whole project. I knew those welds would give one day; now with Mangle ensconced in the land of milk and bummy it's difficult to get a good welder.

Frau Gass will be first on the list tomorrow. We are going to have a go at reducing the itch from the spaniel ears. Getting him/her to part her legs is no problem, but working in there when you know they may snap shut like a human mollusc at any time is terrifying. There's also the opportunity to do a bit of extra work on the breast enlargement. The valve on the number one is leaking, which is ok but causes a slight roll when she goes swimming, like a porpoise with one fin.
The final piece of 'extreme surgery' will be the removal of his bratwurst and onions; as he so demurely puts it. This should be achievable using Floella's acupuncture techniques. Now this does have potential, Sticking chuffing great pins in erotic areas has been a penchant of Mangle and Gass for many years. It makes me shudder..........then squirm, and finally breathe very quickly.

Must go and watch my training video for that one. Got to keep up with the latest techniques, even if I do invent them on the fly.

Per Mare Per Terram Per Hystericalectomy

[El Prez]

Well, it's been quiet lately. Not business you understand, just the surgery. Frau Gass, as she is now known, has started to up the doseage of anaesthetic. Which wouldn't be too difficult, as previously he never used any. Just uttered calming threats to patients.

The new replacement for Mangle started this week. By Harry these Vicars are versatile. He's a dab hand with a sponge, a tattooing drill and even a circlip pliers. Therein lies the new forte.
I discovered this great site devoted to piercing [urlhttp://public.diversity.org.uk/deviant/fsprmprc.htm[/url]. It turns out that the Reverend I M Giddy is an old hand and has done a few piercings in his time. (His time in HM's pleasure establishment at Pentonville) he thinks he has recovered enough from the experience to offer his knowledge and advice through prayer and pain to our customers. Worth a go thinks I.
So Sarah Jane came in for her usual 3 monthly topiary and steam clean, when I quietly suggested a piece of jewelry adorning her nether parts might strike a responsive chord with Mr Sarah Jane. "Anything but C Sharp" was her reply. So to work. A quick whizz with the Black & Decker. A whoosh with the wallpaper stripper and all was set fair for Ignaseous, for that is Rev Giddy's name, to strike, I mean show us what he can achieve.

Now, I for one am not keen on these metal intrusions. I'm sure Sarah Jane would have been dismayed prior to being reduced to a shivering wreck by Gass if she had known what Ignaseous intended. Instead of Labial piercing, and fitting a small stud or dangly dooofry, he went further than any of us intended. I give him credit for originality, but feel he should have perhaps started with somebody who could have benefitted from his 'art', such as Artist. He only went and fitted an anal ring!!
Not a dangly dingly pretty thing. A gurt big 2" diameter brass thing. Hence the use of circlip pliers. It's interesting, pretty awesome, and heavy. How she'll get on or off with it is beyond me. We have yet to bring her round from the anaesthetic, as we are too scared to tell her what Iggy has done. On the packet it said, after describing the perks of shopping at B&Q, do not leave in a damp place. Well that seems to have escaped our attentionsomething else which has escaped is the Rev IM Giddy, along with my best set of snap-on leg straighteners.
Come back Mangle all is forgiven. At least I forgive you, Black Rat and his honchos have other ideas. Strange Boys.

[John_D]

A mate of mine followed you the other day when you
were doing house visits, he said your maner was good


But what was with the dog




and back at the surgery he was not very pleased with
your waiting room






but when it came to your security methods well he was overwhelmed






he suggested a follow up inspection.


Aye

John_D

[John_D]

You may just pick out the dog on the bed

John_D

[John_D]

This should show it better




John_D

[John_D]

Jay
you can take that big photo off if you wish.
it will save some space.

Aye

John_D

[Beast]

Is that better.

[El Prez]

Sarah Jane is now free, sorry I mean recovered. That was her in our new bridal extravaganza kit for the porn shoots post installation. Sorry I mean the brochure shoot which she agreed to before being pumped full by Gass.

When he/she said they swing both ways I was a tad confused, believe me, my eyes are now open. watering but open.

Ever see anybody trying to run while adjusting to the weight of a 2" brass ring attached to their anal duct? You should have been here this morning, like a cart horse in the Grand National.

[John_D]

Thanks Jay Thats a lot better.

John_D