'Bootneck Humour'

[JR]

Delving back into the past again!,when the Corps had many weapons of mass destruction,and the Commando School had just been relocated to Bickleigh,various small units had sprung up,one such unit was the offspring of the HW branch the 6pdr Anti Tank gun, the guns were towed by a variety of Bren Gun Carriers 4 Marines to a gun crew including a bren Gunner,two or three time a week the guns would be taken up onto the Moor for a practice shoot (Money no object) the carrier convoy would proceed to It's destination past Crownhill Barracks then occupied by the RA, the route then taken would be through Plympton (then a one horse town),and on completion of the days shoot to return the same way,comming back into Plympton down the hill into the town one of the Carriers threw a track (no track no brakes) the carrier minus one track gathering speed crashed into the Post Office,driver pulls himself out of the seat walks up to the counter and asks for two and a halfpenny stamp.Its true,mind you there's not many that can go back that far to dispute it?.Aye JR

[mervyn(ianto)jones]

Whilst serving at PRORM, due to the rain a parade was assembled in a corrugated iron shed. All the clerks and wrens were there together with a few GD Marines and a couple of us sigs types, each lot were called to attention separately. First the marines and then the wren officer shouted out "attention", whereupon a voice from the group of marines shouted "squelch", all the wrens went very red the officer was having a fit, all marines has to remain behind until one brave soul admitted his crime. His draft soon came through.

[harry hackedoff]

Long ago, in a far off land, I wrote,

Once, we were stood outside the gym at CTC, waiting for some "corrective training", when up pops the C.O. of some Jock regiment. He was wearing the full ish. You know, Boy Scout socks with the little knife, kilt that was too long, dead Badger over his parts, Tam-o-Shanter. Christ, he looked like he was either a bigtime Jimmy Shand groupie, or entering the Lympstone finals of the Harry Lauder look-a-like competition. To top it off, old Perce was carrying a shepherd’s crook! One of the troop shouts sarcastically, from a position of safety in the rear "What’s up, Sir? Lost yer sheep?" Mega sense of humour failure, to say the least! We were still cracking up an hour later, despite the best efforts of P.T. branches` finest.
Och, away and shite in yer beds yer wee teuchters
Harry MacHackedoff

All`s well that ends well

[JR]

On board the Colony class cruiser Jamaica during the Mediterranean cruise,all 4inch gun crews closed up for practice shoot P1 4inch was manned by 'Royal',P2,S1 and S2 were manned by Royal Navy gunnery Ratings,The Marine gun crews were being put through their paces the Marines priding themselves on their fitness and speed claimed with full justification,that they could maintain a rate of fire faster than any of the other 4inch mountings,tense the Marine gun crew waited, the loud speaker inside the gun house barked "P1,Fire" at a furious rate the gun fired the target a remote controlled MTB the object of the shoot was to straddle the target a mile and a half away P1,check,check,check squawked the loud speaker. "Tea time" shouted the Marine gun layer.at the same time he threw the gun off aim.As he did so the guns fired a further two rounds,both loaders stood back panting and mopping sweaty foreheads,seconds later two shells smashed into the Radio controlled MTB with a brilliant flash timbers split to matchwood flew skywards "Oh, flaming hell" exclaimed the Gunnery Sgt,"Bloody good shooting,if you ask me," muttered a Marine.The Gunnery Sgt rounded on him eyes glinting with fire,For your information,you have just succeeded in destroying one of her Majesty's motor torpedo boats,and try and explain that to the rest of the guns crew that they now have a quarter of a million pouns worth of MTB on their slop chit?.Aye JR

[owdun]

Lovely old ship she was , Jim, remember her coming into Hong Kong on her way home from some cruise or other, loaded to the gunnels with barrels of rum, she looked and smelled beautiful.


Aye Owdun

[harry hackedoff]

she looked and smelled beautiful.

That`s just how I remember Loz when I met her at the meat counter

[Andy O'Pray]

Back in the mists of time there was a said three badge marine mortar storeman, who was renowned for being able to tea leaf anything. There was also a Lt. mortar troop commander, the proud owner of a very expensive, highly pedigreed dog. Said Lt. gets promoted to acting Captain and posted to Muscat and Oman for 18 months.

Said officer leaves his beloved dog in the care of said three badger. On return to the UK said officer picks up his dog and is shocked to find that it is skin and bone and absolutely knackered.

While on his 18 month tour, said three badger had been driving the length and breadth of Britain selling the said dog's services for stud fees. Talk about being f@#$ed to a standstill.

Aye - Andy.

[JR]

Three Badgers code of conduct,Provide and improvise,and if it aint tied down 'Nick It' and if it is a fixture salute it?.Aye JR

[JR]

Med cruise 1954 onboard HMS Jamaica,shore leave 'down the Gut' staggers out of the 'Gypo Queen' down to the jetty just in time to see the last liberty boat leaving 2359 Hrs, moves nearer to the edge of the jetty to hail the boat whoops falls into the 'Oggin' comes to the surface to see the stern light of the pinnace disapearing into the distance,ah well I'm in the Oggin so decide to strike out to the Jamaica lying a couple of hundred yards off shore,all going well untill a boat pulls alongside and a voice from out of the blue tells one of the Deck Apes 'Get that Bloody Marine inboard',the Barge was the 'Green Parrott' CinC Med,the voice the one and only 'Lord Louis' Cox'n, ask that article what ship,Jamaica Sir,the Barge heads for the Jamaica and from the Jamiaca comes the usual 'Hail' boat ahoy 'Flag' is the reply (meaning CinC onboard) which causes great concern onboard Jamaica (Panic) Barge pulls alongside gangway get onboard shouts the CPO Barge Cox'n,up the ladder I go and standing at the top was the whole side party,and Lord Louis parting remarks to the Officer of the Watch,'Make sure that bloody Marine is on Guard and Band for morning Colours.Got a B******ing and had to buy a new suit of No 1s otherwise all went well the day the good Lord fished me out of the 'Oggin'. Aye JR