One of the most dangerous and frightening things I ever had to carry out was getting the Shake book signed.
On Leaving Lympstone I was drafted to Eastny for a while and because I was probably no use to anyone at that time, I was placed on permanent guard duty, both at Fort Cumberland and Main Barracks.
I was considered too short and Probably too Green to stand on the main gate so I was given the lofty assignment of Shake Orderly!
Now most lads were fine to wake up and get a signature, But there is always an exception, and mine was a 19 stone chief that everyone knew as GRUNT. He had the meanest sleepers punch I'd ever had connect!
Aye
Mike
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Bootneck Humour
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jockladfaejockland
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This ain't a boot neck story but funny While I was on WSM course at Collingrad (I had only been their a week or so) I retutrned after another night of the Crown then Prague (horrible nightclub/bar sticky floor) anyway was en-route back to me grot and decided I had to have a piss. being shiters I walked through that big hole in the wall and towards the dias climbed the stairs whipped my tadger out and started pissin in a big ol arc anyway while I was doing this I was shouting "Parade Ho!" and "Stand easy!" and other things I am sure anyway I hears a noise to me left swings round and here is two reggies breaking into a full blown sprint. I tried to hobble forward trousers at me ankles fell down the stairs and then spent two weeks scrubbing the dias and general gash duties 
funny looking back tho 
funny looking back tho Nobbys the name Minehunting the game.
I'll get me coat...
I'll get me coat...
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Malta Hilton
Two guys sat on the balcony having a nice wet. Down below is the Swimming Pool.
Drunken Jock Bootneck comes up to the pool, drops Trollies and proceeds to have a Dump into said Pool. Very Posh English voice is heard to say "O I say! You! Yes You! What the devil do you think your doing?!"
"Awys Jimmy of your gonna get some Clack soo ye will Arr Jeez!"
"I'm going to report you to your Commanding Officer you piece of scum!"
All this time the two guys on the balcony were trying to move away and get the hell out of the place.
"Fark you Jimmy!" (sound of someone being grabbed) "O I say get your filthy hands off me!" (Sound of someone being swung and then tossed into the Pool. SPLASH!! "Farking Civvy Bassa!" (sound of Maltese coppers appearing and beating the shit out of the Jock) Two gentlemen on the balcony by this time were well away and still increasing their speed. One was a Lt Col RM the other was a Major RM. The CO and the 2i/c of 41CDORM.
The Jock drunk was it turned out the CO's MOA! I never found out what the result of this night was as we had by then sailed.
Artist
Two guys sat on the balcony having a nice wet. Down below is the Swimming Pool.
Drunken Jock Bootneck comes up to the pool, drops Trollies and proceeds to have a Dump into said Pool. Very Posh English voice is heard to say "O I say! You! Yes You! What the devil do you think your doing?!"
"Awys Jimmy of your gonna get some Clack soo ye will Arr Jeez!"
"I'm going to report you to your Commanding Officer you piece of scum!"
All this time the two guys on the balcony were trying to move away and get the hell out of the place.
"Fark you Jimmy!" (sound of someone being grabbed) "O I say get your filthy hands off me!" (Sound of someone being swung and then tossed into the Pool. SPLASH!! "Farking Civvy Bassa!" (sound of Maltese coppers appearing and beating the shit out of the Jock) Two gentlemen on the balcony by this time were well away and still increasing their speed. One was a Lt Col RM the other was a Major RM. The CO and the 2i/c of 41CDORM.
The Jock drunk was it turned out the CO's MOA! I never found out what the result of this night was as we had by then sailed.
Artist
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Artist
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JWT
More than likely did Oppo!
I have told this one before but Bollox to it. Tis a goodun!!
Well remember meeting this Yank Lawyer at Poole during our PET (Pre Embarkation Training) for Fearless. Queer as a nine bob note so he was. We would all RV in the Two Crowns in Old Poole after work and have a few Scrumpies (it tasted that awful you had to have some blackcurrant cordial in the first pint of Scumpy, dirt cheap stuff you see). Yon Yankee Whoofter took a shine to one of the lads and for quite a few days we were Yam Singing for free!
Anyway PET was done and dusted and we were Drafted to Fearless. 7 Marine signallers, 1 Cpl sigs, 1 Cpl Tels tech, and 1 WO2 sigs. As the ships sigs troop (not part of the Assault Squadron). Come Malta, and there was me, Andy B**** the Tels Tech and Jonah a Leading Sparker (Royal Navy Radio Operator) in this Bar called the "Kenna Bar" when up skips the Yank Whoofter. Says "Hi Guys, what a small world hey?" and started to get us free wets.
After about half an hour yon Whoofter says he has to go. Before he went however he gave me his room number in the Phoneica Hotel (Proper posh place), blew me a kiss and skipped away! Bad move on his part that was. In ten minutes flat we were at the Hotel glomming wets by using his room number. Fifty odd quids worth.
The next day nearly the entire ships sigs troop minus the WO2 and a dusting of older RN bunting tossers and sparkers were at the Bar of the Hotels swimming pool. Once more glomming wets using the whoofters room number. Things started to go a tad tits up after a few hours and to give you a hint of just how bad we were; When they had run out of Barcardi we just swapped to Vodka as it was the same colour! Vodka ran out, Gin! Christ knows what the bill came to. By this stage of the day we had a few Maltese "Princesses" attached to us (they could smell free Booze from five miles away!).
The Hotel Staff however decided to bell the Whoofter and let him know what was happening. Yon Whoofter went Apeshit!!! Now Malta being a Catholic country was very anti Queers in the Seventies. So the Whoofter instead of belling the cops hired a bunch of traffic wardens and they charged into the pool area and tried to catch us. Andy was in the shallow end shagging a bint. Jock climbed a ten foot wall. Tony hid in a bush. Basically most got away save me. I tried hiding in a bush but it was only a couple of feet tall.
Yon Whoofter demanded that I give him every penny I had on me. So I duly handed over a 50 cent Maltese Coin! Yank was effing and blinding but couldnt do a lot really as he didnt want the real Cops involved. So I was allowed to stagger away. Two nights later we were all once more in the Kenna Bar where we had met him. The Whoofter walked in. And buys a large Whisky, walks up to our table and poured the glass all over my head. My First IA was to Goffer the bassa but Tam our Cpl grabbed me and said "Look outside Steve" and there waiting were a mob of Malt Coppers. the bastard was trying to set me up for a visit to a Malt Knick! So's instead I came up to him and planted a big kiss on his forehead!
I can even remember the room number to this day room 216!!!!
It turned out that the Whoofter would follow the big Ships like Fearless, Intrepid, Hermes, Bulwark. As he "loved" Royal Marines. He once paid two blokes to beat the crap out of him as that was what really turned him on!?!?!
Ref the Maltese "Princesses" One of my oppos told me a true story about how down the "GUT" in Valleta him and a load of his Oppos who were serving in 41 CDORM were sat in the Eastney Tavern when in rushed a "Princess" Asking if anyone was blood group O Neg. Sharky Ward me Oppo said he was and she begged him to help by giving a pint of blood for one of her friends who had miscarried in a bar further up the GUT.
Sharky in fact gave nearly three pints that day and saved the Ladies life (In fact it was mostly Hopleaf according to Sharky!). For three months after, Sharky whenever he fancied a "Bonk" down the GUT was given a Freebie from whatever "Princess" took his fancy. So giving blood does pay in the end!!!
Artist
More than likely did Oppo!
I have told this one before but Bollox to it. Tis a goodun!!
Well remember meeting this Yank Lawyer at Poole during our PET (Pre Embarkation Training) for Fearless. Queer as a nine bob note so he was. We would all RV in the Two Crowns in Old Poole after work and have a few Scrumpies (it tasted that awful you had to have some blackcurrant cordial in the first pint of Scumpy, dirt cheap stuff you see). Yon Yankee Whoofter took a shine to one of the lads and for quite a few days we were Yam Singing for free!
Anyway PET was done and dusted and we were Drafted to Fearless. 7 Marine signallers, 1 Cpl sigs, 1 Cpl Tels tech, and 1 WO2 sigs. As the ships sigs troop (not part of the Assault Squadron). Come Malta, and there was me, Andy B**** the Tels Tech and Jonah a Leading Sparker (Royal Navy Radio Operator) in this Bar called the "Kenna Bar" when up skips the Yank Whoofter. Says "Hi Guys, what a small world hey?" and started to get us free wets.
After about half an hour yon Whoofter says he has to go. Before he went however he gave me his room number in the Phoneica Hotel (Proper posh place), blew me a kiss and skipped away! Bad move on his part that was. In ten minutes flat we were at the Hotel glomming wets by using his room number. Fifty odd quids worth.
The next day nearly the entire ships sigs troop minus the WO2 and a dusting of older RN bunting tossers and sparkers were at the Bar of the Hotels swimming pool. Once more glomming wets using the whoofters room number. Things started to go a tad tits up after a few hours and to give you a hint of just how bad we were; When they had run out of Barcardi we just swapped to Vodka as it was the same colour!
Vodka ran out, Gin! Christ knows what the bill came to. By this stage of the day we had a few Maltese "Princesses" attached to us (they could smell free Booze from five miles away!).The Hotel Staff however decided to bell the Whoofter and let him know what was happening. Yon Whoofter went Apeshit!!! Now Malta being a Catholic country was very anti Queers in the Seventies. So the Whoofter instead of belling the cops hired a bunch of traffic wardens and they charged into the pool area and tried to catch us. Andy was in the shallow end shagging a bint. Jock climbed a ten foot wall. Tony hid in a bush. Basically most got away save me. I tried hiding in a bush but it was only a couple of feet tall.
Yon Whoofter demanded that I give him every penny I had on me. So I duly handed over a 50 cent Maltese Coin! Yank was effing and blinding but couldnt do a lot really as he didnt want the real Cops involved. So I was allowed to stagger away. Two nights later we were all once more in the Kenna Bar where we had met him. The Whoofter walked in. And buys a large Whisky, walks up to our table and poured the glass all over my head. My First IA was to Goffer the bassa but Tam our Cpl grabbed me and said "Look outside Steve" and there waiting were a mob of Malt Coppers. the bastard was trying to set me up for a visit to a Malt Knick! So's instead I came up to him and planted a big kiss on his forehead!
I can even remember the room number to this day room 216!!!!
It turned out that the Whoofter would follow the big Ships like Fearless, Intrepid, Hermes, Bulwark. As he "loved" Royal Marines. He once paid two blokes to beat the crap out of him as that was what really turned him on!?!?!
Ref the Maltese "Princesses" One of my oppos told me a true story about how down the "GUT" in Valleta him and a load of his Oppos who were serving in 41 CDORM were sat in the Eastney Tavern when in rushed a "Princess" Asking if anyone was blood group O Neg. Sharky Ward me Oppo said he was and she begged him to help by giving a pint of blood for one of her friends who had miscarried in a bar further up the GUT.
Sharky in fact gave nearly three pints that day and saved the Ladies life (In fact it was mostly Hopleaf according to Sharky!). For three months after, Sharky whenever he fancied a "Bonk" down the GUT was given a Freebie from whatever "Princess" took his fancy. So giving blood does pay in the end!!!
Artist
