Artist and his Daughters. (a stirring saga of I said NO!)

[kwew]

Artist, you should have had lads, once me mom changed the colour of me nice white t-shirt to an "off-red" didnt give one the way i see it, it didnt smell, it was clean and i didnt buy it, so its all good
On a slightly different note have you managed to grow anything in the wash yet? It is possible at least me and my mate think it is

[Artist]

Today has been verr intresting to put it mildy.

Last 3 dazed have been A Painting And A Making.................. DOSH.

Bought a ruck of G Strings (3 for a Quid so bought 5 packs) Purple problem would be sorted. Wrong!

Still in deep cack! Still a "F**king Idiot! I have been told. Damson Wine is very, very Evil stuff. Just who made it? (Ooops!, twas me!)

Pickles are Looking damn Good!

Still happy mind!

Artist

[Mike]

Artist...I am surprised you are still in one piece.... I know, only too well, what its like to live in a house populated by a majority of females ....Even My two dogs are Bitches!! If it gets too tough...there is a floor over here for you....WE could go get a ewe together .....Eh!

[Artist]

Mike

Ewe always say the nicest things Oppo. She that must be obeyed returns this coming week.

Daughters complaining about lack of clean kit, told them "It sits in the I'M A SCAMMER SPAMMER!!!, try using it" The Dhoby basket is at breaking point but I aint spending every day sorting out their washing. Me Shreddies and Sox are washed nightly, Shirts are all pressed. Daughters depressed.

Mk4 daughters dhobie is being done mind as she still makes daddy a coffee without having to resort to veiled and not so veiled threats.

Artist

[Mike]

Mk4 daughters dhobie is being done mind as she still makes daddy a coffee without having to resort to veiled and not so veiled threats.Artist

Serious misjudgment there, Oppo. When any offspring, especially the Female variety does some thing for you without coercion, it means a deluge of' Daaaaads' usually followed by a red letter from your Bank Manager, if you have one, if not then it is generated by the box of wizardry that purports to be your Bank Manager.
Re your present conundrum, vis a vi the dhobying prob. Similar thing happened to me whilst Barbara was in Hospital a while back... I issued all three Fembrats with a large bin bag each, there on, was clipped their individual initial, with the instructions to place them in the utility for washing....Miracle.. upon Miracles... they duly arrived but remained there for the duration......On complaining that they had not had any clean cloths for a week, I pointed out that they had managed to carry out the hardest part of the operation, why then could they not complete the cycle and load the machine themselves..... to which I receiver the usual ‘Awwwwwwww Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad'

By the way....I still squash the Loo Rolls, must be force of habbit,. Our consumption of the said rolls has dropped thenfold over the years...
Thats one piece of house husbandry that I am really proud of


Have you ever experienced it when there have been five RED crosses on the calendar in one month?.....Man that IS scary

[Artist]

Mike

The Dreaded FIVE have been reached.

The each have a bag idea sounds good also. If after a week of not being washed by said daughters I will donate whatever the contents are to Age Concern!

As for Daaaaad! that would be 0820hrs this morning. School Bus did not arrive so was invegalled into doing this impersonation of a "Crosville" bus. At one stage I pointed out to these two 17/18 year old lads who assumed that it was his right to pile into my car that a "Smack in the Teeth" would result if he did not go away in "Short Sharp Jerky Erotic Movements!"

O the Deep Feeling of Joy at the thought of another week of Bloody Moans from the Mob!

Artist

[Artist]

Have just been informed by Mk2 daughter that she cannot find anything clean to wear.

I again pointed out the white bit O kit in the corner of the I'M A SCAMMER SPAMMER!!!. A torrent of abuse was recieved. Kin tough titties as far as I am concerned.

Demanded rent from Mk2 and Mk3 as well. Howls of "Daaad I need my money!" from both of them. Am I feel well on the road to being a "Total Barstewart" in their eyes. Once again Kin tough titties!

At this rate me and the wife can sell up and move into a nice little cottage out in the sticks a lot earlier than planned as talk of "I'm not putting up with this anymore" can be heard from the closed and securely locked door of the Mk2's bedroom.

Think I'll bimble down to the Nags Head and Quaff a couple of pints. Bimble back and stir the sh*t ref rent and self help. My but I am enjoying this!

Artist

[rabby]

Artist, I can fully understand them not wanting to pay rent, everytime I go out the door or come back its "I think you should start paying dig money now". BS I say! No way am I paying rent, I have a bank balance to protect. I don't ask for money either, that trick got blown to kingdom come when I started taking the Queen's Shilling, I kne I should have said it was unpaid voluntary work.

Though I'm on your side for the rest of this, keep the stories coming, this is great!

[kwew]

Ref rent
I pay rent, methinks its fair as in my house i take up a lot of the electricity (lizards heaters always on) and I eat over half the food.
But your talking about your daughters and with the way women constantly watch what they eat,do they really eat much at all?

At one stage I pointed out to these two 17/18 year old lads who assumed that it was his right to pile into my car that a "Smack in the Teeth" would result if he did not go away in "Short Sharp Jerky Erotic Movements!"

What was the lads reaction? Brown stain or did he give you lip?

[Artist]

They took my advice and waited for the bus.

Artist

[Archie]

We don't have any kids and therefore so I feel sooooooo left out of this conversation


Yours all sound like ickle rays of sunshine that brighten your every moment.


You are all very lucky people.










Or Not.

[Artist]

Archie

You can buy one get one free as far as I'm concerned. They hide away plotting against me and the washing machine every night.

Have banned frigging full chaff Video TV stations until further notice. Having to listen to some beggar called POOP FANNY or summut like it was doing my head in.

Had Steeleye Span going full chaff yesterday evening as I sorted out Mine and the Mk4's Dhoby. Boyfriends were called and out they went in their grubby Clothes.

A sign has been placed in the I'M A SCAMMER SPAMMER!!! informing anybody who wants to help themselves to the contents of the Fridge or Freezer to approach the "Management" (ME) to obtain permission. (Mk3 yet again nicked me "Up from Cornwall daily" Oggy!)

All Daughters want to know when Mum is coming home. Awww aint that nice! Cackle Cackle!

Artist

[lew]

Sod the Osborne show!!! I want to see the artist show

As for rent at 14 I was given the option, pay rent or learn to do my own washing ironing, cleaning, and learn to cook dinner etc...

Guess what, I learnt... I’m now 18 and can run my house completely on my own...

Worst thing was passing my driving test though, I now have to do the bloody shopping as well ...


lew