Aye Owdun
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The mystery of Rob Parrys loft
Give yer a larf.............Nurse returned from town Saturday, just in time to prepare my lunch before England tonked South Africa......anyway, I digress, nasty stain. I wandered into the bedroom and noticed some new undies in their wrapping left on my side of the bed, very sheer and exotic, so I looked at Nurse, raised my left eyebrow, a la Bond and said in all seriousness, "I'm not wearing these, what would happen if I had a crash?" Which got me a slap, because apparently they are hers. 
I have offered to prepare another signy on thingy so that she can put her case before the lay magistracy prior to her appearance on 'support' charges. She's shy about explaining her need to minister to my baser instincts. she will confirm that my only desire re sheep is to see it on a BBQ or braised for hours in an oven. Mind you, there's always a first time.......
Who was the Stumpy Stripey in 45, with sausages for fingers, who is reputed to have ushered a sheep from his bivvy on Skye. Said chap could, allegedly, make a Mick talk by wandering into 'interrogations'/question and answer sessions and cracking his fingers?
I have offered to prepare another signy on thingy so that she can put her case before the lay magistracy prior to her appearance on 'support' charges. She's shy about explaining her need to minister to my baser instincts. she will confirm that my only desire re sheep is to see it on a BBQ or braised for hours in an oven. Mind you, there's always a first time.......
Who was the Stumpy Stripey in 45, with sausages for fingers, who is reputed to have ushered a sheep from his bivvy on Skye. Said chap could, allegedly, make a Mick talk by wandering into 'interrogations'/question and answer sessions and cracking his fingers?
You should talk to somebody who gives a f**k.
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El Presidente
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El Presidente
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'The Loft'
Baaaa! humbug.
Come clean ref the 'LOFT' Don't be sheepish Mr Parry.
Aye steve evans
P.S. How's Fluffy?
Come clean ref the 'LOFT' Don't be sheepish Mr Parry.
Aye steve evans
P.S. How's Fluffy?
Just to please you all, and get some bits for Nurse (spare tyre etc) I clambered into that den of inequity the loft, Sunday, just as it was getting dark, or was that because I was in the loft? Couldn't find the old morse Aide Memoire, but I did find my old copy of Ground Studies for Pilots. Now that book probably caused my furtive interest in a career change to gynaecology. Try wrapping your head around the mysteries of trans continental nav.; loran radio wave thingys etc. Enough to curdle the lightest egg head.
I descended with two paintings of a Kampung (Malay village) and a shelf for the desk. So it wasn't all wasted time; but it made me think, and after much pain I realised my morse reminder is in the shed. Now I don't scare easy, but you don't want to go there!
I descended with two paintings of a Kampung (Malay village) and a shelf for the desk. So it wasn't all wasted time; but it made me think, and after much pain I realised my morse reminder is in the shed. Now I don't scare easy, but you don't want to go there!
You should talk to somebody who gives a f**k.
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El Presidente
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El Presidente
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the shed
All right Mr Parry, I'll bite, come on cough up whats in the bloody shed then!
The rear door of a c130?
Fluffys dog food?
An aide memouir on speaking Cornish Me Luver!
Ref Waverton & hire cruisers here a true story about a Hoo Ray Henry I painted and lined out a boat for. He didn't want me to paint the roof of the boat (Brand new I hasten to add) Didn't bother me so got paid & left.
Two weeks later the bloke calls me & asks ifen I can help him with a problem. 'OK' say I. 'What is it?' He replies 'I cannot get it though the first lock at Hurleston' (this is the start of the Llangollen canal just up from Nantwich) 'What's it got to do with me?' Is the reply. Anyway long story short I drive up there & find him tied up just down from the first lock.
Plumbed the depth & saw that he was 2' 4"! Ok (just) for the shropshire union if you don't want to move ever, but no good for the Llangollen (only 2' you see). 'Have you added some more ballast' I asked him. 'No' is the reply. As I got on the boat noticed that I couldn't get my hand under the running bar. Took a good look at the roof and asked him what He had on it. '14 bags of portland cement with grey paint for the colour' was the reply. 'What's it like on open stretch's' I ask. 'It wobbles a bit and keeps grounding' was the reply!
'Well theres your problem pal, your top heavy. If the shroppie was another 2 ' deeper you'd have turned turtle' I told him. 'What do I do' he asked.
'Remove the cement' I replied.
'Could you do it'
reply; 'No'
'I'll pay you'
'Listen mate, after spending countless 'Happy' hours on the grey funnel line chipping & painting, I don't do that sort of thing anymore, & you owe me £20 for my time' Was the final answer.
He paid, I left £20 up. More qualifications than soft mike but no........
COMMON DOG.
Aye steve evans
The rear door of a c130?
Fluffys dog food?
An aide memouir on speaking Cornish Me Luver!
Ref Waverton & hire cruisers here a true story about a Hoo Ray Henry I painted and lined out a boat for. He didn't want me to paint the roof of the boat (Brand new I hasten to add) Didn't bother me so got paid & left.
Two weeks later the bloke calls me & asks ifen I can help him with a problem. 'OK' say I. 'What is it?' He replies 'I cannot get it though the first lock at Hurleston' (this is the start of the Llangollen canal just up from Nantwich) 'What's it got to do with me?' Is the reply. Anyway long story short I drive up there & find him tied up just down from the first lock.
Plumbed the depth & saw that he was 2' 4"! Ok (just) for the shropshire union if you don't want to move ever, but no good for the Llangollen (only 2' you see). 'Have you added some more ballast' I asked him. 'No' is the reply. As I got on the boat noticed that I couldn't get my hand under the running bar. Took a good look at the roof and asked him what He had on it. '14 bags of portland cement with grey paint for the colour' was the reply. 'What's it like on open stretch's' I ask. 'It wobbles a bit and keeps grounding' was the reply!
'Well theres your problem pal, your top heavy. If the shroppie was another 2 ' deeper you'd have turned turtle' I told him. 'What do I do' he asked.
'Remove the cement' I replied.
'Could you do it'
reply; 'No'
'I'll pay you'
'Listen mate, after spending countless 'Happy' hours on the grey funnel line chipping & painting, I don't do that sort of thing anymore, & you owe me £20 for my time' Was the final answer.
He paid, I left £20 up. More qualifications than soft mike but no........
COMMON DOG.
Aye steve evans
The scene, me sitting on the third floor of our old house looking down on the canal; 60 foot boat cruising along, Mum & Dad in galley preparing sandwich lunch, daughter (pride and joy) steering barge. sandwich is placed at young lady's feet, she bent forward to pick up the plate, and in the process pushed the tiller hard over, result..........embedded at full chat on foreign shore. Nearly wet meself. 
The shed? Now there's a tale. It's soundproof, or so I thought when I played a CD of a steam engine leaving for Shap on the Carlisle-Settle line, being a bit mut&jeff I turned it up a tad and enjoyed the thumping of 50 odd tons of British Iron hammering the rails..........only to spot nurse sticking her head out of the I'M A SCAMMER SPAMMER!!! door wondering where this bloody train was! God knows what the neighbours thought, Nurse had been watching Tv and still heard it. :crazyeyes:
The shed? Now there's a tale. It's soundproof, or so I thought when I played a CD of a steam engine leaving for Shap on the Carlisle-Settle line, being a bit mut&jeff I turned it up a tad and enjoyed the thumping of 50 odd tons of British Iron hammering the rails..........only to spot nurse sticking her head out of the I'M A SCAMMER SPAMMER!!! door wondering where this bloody train was! God knows what the neighbours thought, Nurse had been watching Tv and still heard it. :crazyeyes:
You should talk to somebody who gives a f**k.
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El Presidente
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El Presidente
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Steam Engines
I'm not the only steam nut on the site then Rob.
Years ago got an LP called 'steam in the sixties'.
When I was serving on Fearless talked my way onto the ships radio. Boy, did I have fun. Apparently the cdr engineering had a coughing fit in the Wardroom when he heard a 'Black 5' pounding along the settle and carlise at full volume (did you ever see the engines on Fearless). Never got asked back by the Matelot running the ships radio. I will always wonder why?
I taped it, and once played it on the UCN of cdolog in Norge during the wee small hours. The Black 5 of course. Never told anyone it was me at the time. RSO bollocked everyone except me. Only NCO on duty at the time so could not be me. He, He, He!
Aye steve evans
Years ago got an LP called 'steam in the sixties'.
When I was serving on Fearless talked my way onto the ships radio. Boy, did I have fun. Apparently the cdr engineering had a coughing fit in the Wardroom when he heard a 'Black 5' pounding along the settle and carlise at full volume (did you ever see the engines on Fearless). Never got asked back by the Matelot running the ships radio. I will always wonder why?
I taped it, and once played it on the UCN of cdolog in Norge during the wee small hours. The Black 5 of course. Never told anyone it was me at the time. RSO bollocked everyone except me. Only NCO on duty at the time so could not be me. He, He, He!
Aye steve evans
Opening the Garage door starts the electronically muted theme from Emergency Ward 10, so as not to panic nubile visitors and customers. The lighting is soft verging on cocktail lounge, to create that warm fuzzy feeling; usually dispelled as the boiler cranks up to Mach 3.
The main operating table is now much better since I found the extension piece for my workmate, but the Halfords wanderlamp is a problem. It's ok on fleshy patients, as there's something to clip it to; the howls of pleasure/pain caused by the crocodile clip burying itself in a thigh should make my Christmas CD and Polaroid Photoshoot collection a must have.
Sterilisation of garments and tools, for eradication of DNA and other nasty stains takes place in my Bosch thermonuclear 1850 RPM washer. A generous lashing of WD40 cures most afflictions and causes enough local irritation to take their minds off the bill being flashed under their noses. The new chargecard is proving very popular, especially with ladies of a certain age; their corneal implants prevent them noticing the expiry date.
Must rush, there goes the timer, Mrs Poldark should be warm enough now for my next procedure, an intricate piece of surgery requiring stealth, understanding and a vicious twist and snap of the shiny thingybob I use.
The main operating table is now much better since I found the extension piece for my workmate, but the Halfords wanderlamp is a problem. It's ok on fleshy patients, as there's something to clip it to; the howls of pleasure/pain caused by the crocodile clip burying itself in a thigh should make my Christmas CD and Polaroid Photoshoot collection a must have.
Sterilisation of garments and tools, for eradication of DNA and other nasty stains takes place in my Bosch thermonuclear 1850 RPM washer. A generous lashing of WD40 cures most afflictions and causes enough local irritation to take their minds off the bill being flashed under their noses. The new chargecard is proving very popular, especially with ladies of a certain age; their corneal implants prevent them noticing the expiry date.
Must rush, there goes the timer, Mrs Poldark should be warm enough now for my next procedure, an intricate piece of surgery requiring stealth, understanding and a vicious twist and snap of the shiny thingybob I use.
You should talk to somebody who gives a f**k.
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El Presidente
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El Presidente
Rob where on earth do I purchase one of those
Shiny Thingybobs?? I've tried Halfords They said on your Bike chum!
I had a good look but couldn't find one on my bike
B&Q. gave me a dirty look and showed me the door Couldn't find one on their door, had a look on all my doors no luck either
Nearly got one before I got demobbed but couldn't unbolt the damned thing.
Should of got the dockies on the job they would of got it loose
So come on Rob where did you pinch yours from, the rumour is you have short arms and deep pockets
Alan
Shiny Thingybobs?? I've tried Halfords They said on your Bike chum!
I had a good look but couldn't find one on my bike
B&Q. gave me a dirty look and showed me the door Couldn't find one on their door, had a look on all my doors no luck either
Nearly got one before I got demobbed but couldn't unbolt the damned thing.
Should of got the dockies on the job they would of got it loose
So come on Rob where did you pinch yours from, the rumour is you have short arms and deep pockets
Alan
Funny you should ask, Plumb Centre, where else! It was on the rack, as are most of my clients.
Slight hiatus this afternoon. My appointments were arranged by Samantha, more about her later. (She's the one who advised me to install a shrine near the patients waiting area in the new conservatory. I was unaware, but she insists that Caesarian is indeed the Patron saint of Gynaecologists).
Anyway I digress, Mrs Patel arrived in company with her chaperone Mrs Rafsanjhani, I was all ready to attempt the procedure when Mrs Patel pulled the ether soaked gauze from her face, lurched from the workmate and staggered towards the door. Nurse arrived at this awkward moment and poured oil on troubled waters, which can cause a nasty rash in my experience. Once she escorted the traumatised Mrs P from the operating area she vociferously explained that she had said I should use a Baby Burco for sterilisation and not a Bhurka. Well how was I to know, I'd seen John Simpson in one and thought how it would settle my Muslim customers, but oh no deary me. The sight of two hairy arms and my tool belt caused hysteria in the alarmed Mrs P.
Mrs Rafsanjhani returned later, smiled coyly and asked where the lady with the big tools and sexy arms was hiding.
Slight hiatus this afternoon. My appointments were arranged by Samantha, more about her later. (She's the one who advised me to install a shrine near the patients waiting area in the new conservatory. I was unaware, but she insists that Caesarian is indeed the Patron saint of Gynaecologists).
Anyway I digress, Mrs Patel arrived in company with her chaperone Mrs Rafsanjhani, I was all ready to attempt the procedure when Mrs Patel pulled the ether soaked gauze from her face, lurched from the workmate and staggered towards the door. Nurse arrived at this awkward moment and poured oil on troubled waters, which can cause a nasty rash in my experience. Once she escorted the traumatised Mrs P from the operating area she vociferously explained that she had said I should use a Baby Burco for sterilisation and not a Bhurka. Well how was I to know, I'd seen John Simpson in one and thought how it would settle my Muslim customers, but oh no deary me. The sight of two hairy arms and my tool belt caused hysteria in the alarmed Mrs P.
Mrs Rafsanjhani returned later, smiled coyly and asked where the lady with the big tools and sexy arms was hiding.
You should talk to somebody who gives a f**k.
[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v77/Robiz/movie_star_wars_yoda.gif[/img]
El Presidente
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El Presidente
Owdun auld son, what a coincidence! Funny you should mention trick-cyclists. There was one here this very morning. A wandering Albanian Transvestite of no fixed abode presently appearing on stage at the Alhambra, Penzance. He/She complained of a searing pain after the matinee, my examination confirmed my worst thoughts, and indeed desires!
I doubt there was any need for fisticuffs, but if the bill is not settled within 24 hours I may have to send a cheque.
Samantha, the new receptionist and erstwhile lap dancer, failed to appear for work as scheduled. There is a theory, expounded by Nurse 'Tish, that she mis-interpreted my drooling and leering as threatening, when in fact it's situation normal, this dodgy wooden eye and new teeth must settle down soon, or I shall return to the auction hall and reclaim my money.
I doubt there was any need for fisticuffs, but if the bill is not settled within 24 hours I may have to send a cheque.
Samantha, the new receptionist and erstwhile lap dancer, failed to appear for work as scheduled. There is a theory, expounded by Nurse 'Tish, that she mis-interpreted my drooling and leering as threatening, when in fact it's situation normal, this dodgy wooden eye and new teeth must settle down soon, or I shall return to the auction hall and reclaim my money.
You should talk to somebody who gives a f**k.
[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v77/Robiz/movie_star_wars_yoda.gif[/img]
El Presidente
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El Presidente
Robert Parry wrote:Funny you should ask, Plumb Centre, where else! It was on the rack, as are most of my clients.
Called in to Plumb Centre today, You didn't mention you'd bought the last one did you.
however I did manage to pick up the last two Whats its they had in stock so if your stuck I can let you have one cheap
Went to see my physio Louise yesterday, its a right torture chamber she has. Treadmills, Parallel bars, Exercise bikes. you name it she has E'm
You won't know but I had a new Knee joint fitted a few weeks ago (I use the word new in the loosest sense I'm damned sure the Bloody thing was second hand) I'm sure she enjoys my company. as she always stays to see me complete my exersises (masochist)
