I’ve always wished that in situations where quick thinking is required, that I could be as good as some blokes I’ve met, especially this one.
Years ago, one of my bootie mates told me about his pal who went on leave to a little town in Somerset. Military life had changed him physically and a bird who wouldn’t even give him the time of day when he was younger was suddenly all over him. She came from a very posh family and her dad was loaded. Huge house.
Onto the cider….snakebite, loads of it. Both of them are completely out of it. The next thing he remembers he wakes up in the middle of the night to see both of them in the bed bo@#$%y buff. He knows the terrible act has been performed and she is snoring like nobody’s business. Well out of it. He said he looked up and saw a beautiful fountain heading towards the ceiling. Fascination soon turned to horror as it was accompanied by two other fountains in different directions. After about two or three minutes, he lay there trembling and surveyed the scene of devastation around him. He really liked this bird and knew that this was the end…..or was it ? In a moment of sheer brilliance, he took her gently and rolled her around in the remains of the fountains. Jumped out of bed, head pounding and showered himself clean. Sat in a chair at the bottom of the bed and fell asleep. He was awakened to screams and rushed over to silence her.
“Oh my, god, oh my god….”
“It’s all right, love, it could happen to anybody… don’t worry, I’ll not say a word to anyone and I’ll help you clean this up”.
Apparently for the rest of his leave, he only needed to pick up the phone and say “Would you like to come over and ……..”
Maybe this just happens more often than we think. 
