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a little joke
Treat you as I would expect to be treated? ...hey you're the one that just started throwing abuse. All I said was I dont see why you want to lock the thread when there are plenty of other threads that are just as silly! 'Who's the biggest tool?' for example. I'm sorry if you feel I shouldnt express my thoughts but isnt that what a board is for?.
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Artist
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markthestab
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themattmeister
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- Location: Bristol, U.K
That's right Mark. Life's too serious to take seriously. 
A German taught me that saying, ooh the irony.
Here's another joke:
A nun gets into a cab and the driver keeps staring at her through the rear view mirror. "You know, Sister," the cab driver says, "I hope you aren't too offended, but I've always had this fantasy of getting a blowjob from a nun."
The nun thinks for a moment and says, "I'm not too offended. I just have two requirements. One, that you be single, and two, that you be Catholic."
"Oh yes, Sister, I am single and Catholic," the cab drive replies, so they pull into an alley and the nun proceeds to satisfy the cab driver orally. After they're done, the cab driver begins laughing.
"What's so funny?" the nun asks. "Ha ha!" the cab driver annnounces, "I fooled you sister. The truth is I'm really married and I'm Jewish!"
"That's okay," the nun replies, "My name is Bob and I'm on my way to a fancy dress party.[/quote]
A German taught me that saying, ooh the irony.
Here's another joke:
A nun gets into a cab and the driver keeps staring at her through the rear view mirror. "You know, Sister," the cab driver says, "I hope you aren't too offended, but I've always had this fantasy of getting a blowjob from a nun."
The nun thinks for a moment and says, "I'm not too offended. I just have two requirements. One, that you be single, and two, that you be Catholic."
"Oh yes, Sister, I am single and Catholic," the cab drive replies, so they pull into an alley and the nun proceeds to satisfy the cab driver orally. After they're done, the cab driver begins laughing.
"What's so funny?" the nun asks. "Ha ha!" the cab driver annnounces, "I fooled you sister. The truth is I'm really married and I'm Jewish!"
"That's okay," the nun replies, "My name is Bob and I'm on my way to a fancy dress party.[/quote]
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Wholley
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joethejudge
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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
* You have two cows.
* You sell one and buy a bull.
* Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
* You sell them and retire on the income.
AMERICAN CAPITALISM (or Enron-capitalism)
* You have two cows.
* You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of
credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
* You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce 20 times the milk
* You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
* You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
* You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* You count them and learn you have five cows.
* You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
* You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
* You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
* You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
* You charge others for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* You have 300 people milking them.
* You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the
newsman who reported the numbers.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* That one on the left is kinda cute...
* You have two cows.
* You sell one and buy a bull.
* Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
* You sell them and retire on the income.
AMERICAN CAPITALISM (or Enron-capitalism)
* You have two cows.
* You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of
credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
* You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce 20 times the milk
* You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
* You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
* You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* You count them and learn you have five cows.
* You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
* You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
* You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
* You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
* You charge others for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* You have 300 people milking them.
* You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the
newsman who reported the numbers.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* That one on the left is kinda cute...
This man comes home feeling pretty frisky
after partying with his buddies half the night.
He walk's into the bedroom where his wife is still waiting up for him.
He take's off all of his clothes and says
"baby you are looking at 200 pounds of dynamite."
His wife opens the window and yells "everybody run for your lives,
there's 200 pounds of dynamite in my bedroom and it only has a three inch fuse."
TWANT me HONEST, I'm 252lb, aint got a FUSE just a 3 minute Timer
after partying with his buddies half the night.
He walk's into the bedroom where his wife is still waiting up for him.
He take's off all of his clothes and says
"baby you are looking at 200 pounds of dynamite."
His wife opens the window and yells "everybody run for your lives,
there's 200 pounds of dynamite in my bedroom and it only has a three inch fuse."
TWANT me HONEST, I'm 252lb, aint got a FUSE just a 3 minute Timer
Do unto others as they do unto you BUT?????
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Artist
- Guest
What sings and flies into mountains?
Jim Reeves.
What goes well with shell?
Niki Lauder.
Whats black and bumbs into pianos?
Stevee Wonder.
What do you find in an Elephants Trunk?
Six foot of Snott.
What turns in it's own grave?
Spit Roast Chicken.
Whats Black n White and can't turn round in Corridors?
A Nun with a Javelin through her Head.
Why have Elephants got big ears?
Noddy won't pay the ransom.
Artist
Jim Reeves.
What goes well with shell?
Niki Lauder.
Whats black and bumbs into pianos?
Stevee Wonder.
What do you find in an Elephants Trunk?
Six foot of Snott.
What turns in it's own grave?
Spit Roast Chicken.
Whats Black n White and can't turn round in Corridors?
A Nun with a Javelin through her Head.
Why have Elephants got big ears?
Noddy won't pay the ransom.
Artist
As Camilla was making last-minute preparations to walk down the aisle, she found that her shoes were missing. She was forced to borrow her sister's, which were a bit on the small side. When the day's festivities were finally over, Charles and Camilla retired to their room, right next door to the Queen's and Prince Phillip's.
As soon as Charles and Camilla were inside their room, Camilla flopped on the bed and said, "Darling, please get these shoes off. My feet are killing me. The ever-obedient Prince of Wales attacked the right shoe with vigour, but it was stuck fast.
"Harder!" Camilla yelled. "Harder!" "I'm trying, darling!" The Prince yelled back. "It's just so bloody tight!" "Come on! Give it all you've got!" There was a big groan from the Prince, and then Camilla exclaimed, "There! That's it! Oh that feels good! Oh that feels SOOO good!"
In the bedroom next door, the Queen turned to Prince Phillip and said,
'See? I told you, with a face like that she was still a virgin."
Back in the bridal suite, Charles was trying to pry off the left shoe.
Oh, my God, darling! This one's even tighter!" exclaimed the heir to the throne. At which Prince Phillip turned to the Queen and said,
"That's my boy. Once a Navy man, always a Navy man!"
(With apologies to the matelots)
As soon as Charles and Camilla were inside their room, Camilla flopped on the bed and said, "Darling, please get these shoes off. My feet are killing me. The ever-obedient Prince of Wales attacked the right shoe with vigour, but it was stuck fast.
"Harder!" Camilla yelled. "Harder!" "I'm trying, darling!" The Prince yelled back. "It's just so bloody tight!" "Come on! Give it all you've got!" There was a big groan from the Prince, and then Camilla exclaimed, "There! That's it! Oh that feels good! Oh that feels SOOO good!"
In the bedroom next door, the Queen turned to Prince Phillip and said,
'See? I told you, with a face like that she was still a virgin."
Back in the bridal suite, Charles was trying to pry off the left shoe.
Oh, my God, darling! This one's even tighter!" exclaimed the heir to the throne. At which Prince Phillip turned to the Queen and said,
"That's my boy. Once a Navy man, always a Navy man!"
(With apologies to the matelots)
