Barrack Tales

[Artist]

Remember doing blues parade in Stonehouse Bks 76.

Me white gloves were a wee bit manky, Suddenly, Idea!
Save KUA by making up an instant white glove washing soultion.
Neat starch. Pussers vim in hot water leave to soak. It worked a treat,

One problem, whilst doing arms drill noticed little bits of white fluff dancing in the air. Looked at gloves. The bloody things were disintegrating as we shouldered arms etc, etc, DI was a happy soul who p**sed himself when I came to his attention. At the end of the session all I had were little strips of cotton dangleing from badly tarnished buttons. O happy days.

aye steve evans

[barrybudden]

While on tour in wettest Fermanagh we were doing a mortar base plate patrol around Annaghmartin PVCP. Roslea forrest was just across the way from us so we decided to go for a we walk in the woods. The lower ground was very marshie and we came to what I recognised as a "lint hole" these were used when flax was the major crop being grown in N.Ireland for linnen production. After its cut it has to be rotted in large water filled holes for several months. This one had a carpet of grass over it, so I decided to go around it. The team commander was a cockney and I didn't think that he wouldn't have known what it was, he went to the edge and made a jump at it and landed in the middle and promptly dissapeared under the water, the hole must have been 6 or 7 feet deep. I was right behind him and just about managed to pull him out with laughing. He stunk, the hole was full of stagnent water for probably the last 40 years. We kept our distance and hosed him down on our return.

[barrybudden]

We went to Cartahana (I can't spell) its in the South of Spain some where, during Dragon Hammer 91 or 92. It was a kip of a place and a few small skirmishes took place with the locals. Or store man Ging Parker went ashore and got pissed badly. He met up with a lady of the night and went back to her place for recreation, fell asleep and woke up on his own with no money (wallet nicked). On the way back to the ship another lady of the night asked him if he would like to partisipate in some oral recreation. He agreed and was thinking he had got one over on her when she bit the oul fella and her boy friend came out of the bushes and stole his watch.

[Artist]

Just call it DAGO land. Saves time.

Thought the Bootnecks were trying to expand Gib when they hit the wrong beach! All the ex pongoes and crabfats in my local gave me stick. my answer was 'S**t happens.

They left it alone after that. Losers the bloody lot of em.

(I said to them later ' At least the Marines are still in the news')

Aye steve evans

[Si Capon]

Ahoy there!

Late summer 1986. 40 Cdo RM aboard a Norwegian civvy ferry. The public address system, having been abused, could only be used for official pipes and those sanctioned by the OOD. A very attractive Norgy female officer often read out the pipes in an extemely breathless and seductive accent. One day the following pipe was broadcast by said female. "Attention! All muff divers report to Mike Hunt immediately. I say again. All muff divers report to Mike Hunt immediately. That is all". A few seconds stunned silence around the ship followed by several minutes uproar. Then a very stern pipe from RSM Wright, inviting all junior ranks to muster ASAP. A severe bollocking followed. Apparently the wag who submitted the pipe in the first place had faked the RSM's signature. The culprit??..............

Tommy Cooper Recce Troop.

Yours aye
Steve

Steve

I was on board at the time... as memory serves me, it was preceeded by ;
"Will Corporal P.Ness and R . Sole contact the information desk"


I was a green sprog at the time waiting for one of the on-board lifts to take me to my accomodation deck. I was stood beside the CO & the RSM.
The lift arrives.
THe doors open.
A naked Marine falls out.
His Hands and feet bound together with black Maskers along with a strip over his mouth.
The CO, me and the RSM step over him as though nothing hads happened and off we go!

The memory will stay with me forever

[Si Capon]

Ahoy there!

Late summer 1986. 40 Cdo RM aboard a Norwegian civvy ferry. The public address system, having been abused, could only be used for official pipes and those sanctioned by the OOD. A very attractive Norgy female officer often read out the pipes in an extemely breathless and seductive accent. One day the following pipe was broadcast by said female. "Attention! All muff divers report to Mike Hunt immediately. I say again. All muff divers report to Mike Hunt immediately. That is all". A few seconds stunned silence around the ship followed by several minutes uproar. Then a very stern pipe from RSM Wright, inviting all junior ranks to muster ASAP. A severe bollocking followed. Apparently the wag who submitted the pipe in the first place had faked the RSM's signature. The culprit??..............

Tommy Cooper Recce Troop.

Yours aye
Steve

Steve

I was on board at the time... as memory serves me, it was preceeded by ;
"Will Corporal P.Ness and R . Sole contact the information desk"


I was a green sprog at the time waiting for one of the on-board lifts to take me to my accomodation deck. I was stood beside the CO & the RSM.
The lift arrives.
THe doors open.
A naked Marine falls out.
His Hands and feet bound together with black Maskers along with a strip over his mouth.
The CO, me and the RSM step over him as though nothing had happened and off we go!

The memory will stay with me forever

[Si Capon]

Sorry...no idea how the second copy got up there?? DOH!!!

[El Prez]

Si, at the end of your arms are ten long pointy things, one of them is guilty. Your problem is analysing the process of input to the pooter and then disseminating the info; at what point did the rebellious digit actually rebel? Punishment? Well that's for you to decide, but ten minutes pressed against a boiling kettle usually does the trick.

[El Prez]

I've pulled this thread forward so newer members can get a grip with some of the input required for the dits book, equally there's a thread on RSMs. LC ratings may wish to place their historical errors here or on their own thread. Be assurred that the conquering of Spain 2002 will be an enduring entry; as will be that Tosser Straw giving it back within 15 minutes ............pray continue.

[Rotary Booty]

This dits book will never see the light of day at this rate!

When I was a mercenary, sorry, Contract Officer, in Oman, we used to fly out to the villages from Muscat and Salalah, and transport the locals to the hospital for treatment. Our crewmen were mainly from Baluchistan, and considering their educational background, their command of the English language was amazing. There were limits though. I had a lad called Moosa down the back on one trip, and when we landed in a village the most gorgeous looking girl climbed in, and we headed back to the hospital. The intercom clicked and Moosa said "Sir, she is very beautiful". I agreed. He then said, "Sir, she is a lesbian". Once I had regained control of the heli, I asked him how he knew that. "Ah Sir, she comes from the Lebanon." After the trip I was able to explain to Moosa that she was Lebanese, not Lesbian.

[bootneck]

Sticky, you may have been on this gig!! July 84, RM Bands Beating Retreat at Horse Guards Parade, Myself, serving at Depot, RM Deal, known to be a little bit of a Pish head, was detailed off to drive Lt Col Hoskins to London, daily from Deal, whilst the rest of the MT, was situated up in London. I can remember going to the Blue Peter Studios, where the band was to play a tune or two. I was sat behind the cameras in the studio,and the band ws formed up, waiting for the arrival of,"Janet Ellis" well, Janet was a bit of a fit bit of kit, and as you can imagine, if she walked into the studio, one bandsman saying, "COR FU*"#NG H*"L", well, the whole band, or what seemed like the whole band piped up and said it, poor miss ellis, did she blush or did she blush, mind you, when she bent over the back off the settee, did i blush, did i F*"K. and to boot, we all survived our BBC TV canteen meal and went on to recieve the Blue Peter Badge,(wow)

so come on sticky, was you there?

[Artist]

When going out with my future wife I was in the Nurses Quarters at RNH Stonehouse waiting for her to get ready when all of a sudden the shout of "rounds" was heard.

The wife was nowhere to be found so her oppos shoved me into a Wardrobe. (it smelled loverly! Ooooo Nurse!!!) I heard the duty Sister and attached ranks walk into the room.

A few words were spoken then they sussed my coat on the back of the chair. "Whos coat is that then ladies?" One of the girls said it was hers, no good, Sister found me pack of ciggys and me Globe and buster Zippo lighter in the pocket.

"Where is he ladies?"

The door opened and stood before me was the duty Sister.

"OK Royal?"

"Yes Maam"

She closed the door and locked it! Put the key in her handbag and buggered off!

I was in that bloody wardrobe for over an hour! She sent the key back with one of the nurses who lived in the grot. With a note for me saying "Don't do it again Royal!"

Turned out she was married to an RM Captain and had hidden him in similar circumstances when she was a Trainee Nurse!

Artist

[bootneck]

cracking steve, cracking, and what did you do for an hour? is that where your fetish for womens clothes kicked in?

we know a nurse don`t we sticky..