Relationships (RAF Regt and RAF in general)

[mr_man_2168]

Hi folks,

I'm just after some opinions/advice from those in the know.
I'm already part way through my application to the RAF Regiment, it's something I've wanted for years and despite a few wobbly periods the idea was always there. So now i'm going for it full tilt.
My girlfriend is great about it, supportive and understands its something I've always wanted to do. But, she has her own career and it probably won't really be practical for us to think about living together once I get in. So I'll be living on base wherever that may be, and she'll be in her own place. I've heard mixed things from people about relationships in the RAF Regt and forces in general, some say it's a single man's life other say it's easy to keep a strong relationship going. Just after any experienced points of view, basically. I'm not an idiot, I know we'll have to work hard to keep things sweet and I know there'll be times when the two of us won't be seeing eachother for various reasons and various periods of time. But how hard is it really on a day-to-day scale?
Please no smart arse comments, etc I'm just after experiences from those who have been there before me!

Thanks guys and girls

[bushyredsocks]

I'm 8 weeks through training for the RAF Regt so I can tell you what I've seen so far in terms of relationships. To be perfectly honest, in my opinion its not a good idea. I've seen soo many lads off my course that have been finished with since the course started because of the stress factor of never being able to talk to or see their girlfriend.

There has been 3 or 4 that have left training within the first 4 weeks because they've decided that their girlfriends are more important than a career in the RAF. And at least 10 or 11 lads on the course have been finished with because they've decided that a career is more important than their girlfriends. And countless numbers of lads that are constantly argueing and crying because of the difficulits of having a relationship.

Its a decision that you're best making before you go in because it'll just make your training so much harder than it already is. I think anyone thats going through training would reccommend the same thing. But if anything its the training that will make or break ya.

[broders120]

I think it depends on you and your relationships if your together constantly and do everything together it will be very very hard to suddenly go without contact for long periods of time. Also what happens if say you get posted to RAF lossiemouth in North Scotalnd It is a pain in the bottom to travel to and from (trust me i was ther for 4 years)?

Also you will need to make sure she really understands fully what you are under taking the hardships you will go through and the time apart will not just be for basic training it will in honesty a long chunk of your career between dets/excercises and sporting activites if you want to use the RAf fully.

I am married, I am in the RAF and about to go into Rock Training but my missus has experienced RAF life and had advice from RAF Wives plus she will follow me from unit to unit.

However you could cream in with postings and bounce round honington or nearby but the point is with the RAF you never know what will happen thats part of the fun!

[mr_man_2168]

Thanks lads.

I guess I won't know what it will be like for me and the girlfriend until I'm actually doing it. Seems stupid to me (and her!) to give up on the RAF because of our relationship, and equally stupid to give up on the relationship because of joining the RAF. If things do get too hard once I'm in, it'll be a real shame but we're both going in with the attitude that what we have has got to be worth a lot of effort from both of us to keep (sorry, mush over! ) So I was just hoping for an insight into how easy or hard it might be. Dets, exercise, etc aside, is it as easy as recruiters make out to get away on leave/weekends/evenings, etc? Granted Lossie or Leeming would be a bit of a trek, but Honington, Uxbridge and Wittering are all less than 2 hours in the car (or an hour and a bit on the bike )

[bushyredsocks]

As a trainee gunner you get to go home ONLY on week 4, week 16, week 23, and week 29. They are the only times anyone is allowed to go home apart from on compassionate leave or holidays ie christmas. The training is the hardest time in anyones relationship because of the set hours of being able to phone home (8pm-9pm, 10.50pm-11pm) and generally the lack of control you have of seeing and/or talking to your loved ones.

All the corporals have gave us a brief on how hard it is to stay in a relationship and that if it does last through the 29 weeks training, then she's defintely worth it. One of the sergeants joined when he was 17 with a girlfriend, they lasted through the 29 weeks training and hes now been married to her for 16 years.

Having said all that, I don't really know what advice to give you because I reccommend anyone to either chose one or the other because trying to manage both will just put your head away. Thats just my own opinion but if you're sure you can do it then crack on lol

[Hyperlithe]

Lots of people manage to maintain a relationship despite a military career - my parents have been married for over 35 years, and my Dad was quite often away for more than 6 months at a time with the Navy. Yes, it can be incredibly difficult at times, but if you're both prepared for it and willing to put in the effort then there is no reason why it shouldn't work.

You seem like you are both going into this with your eyes open, and I really hope it works out for you. The training will probably be the hardest part...

[broders120]

After training and as long as your not on ex, det or preping for det normal working week is 8-5, mon-fri obviously there are exceptions i.e gaurd duty and another things that crop up but generally weekends are your own and after cease work its upto you where you are. But like everyone says its up to you guys as was said before you both have your eyes open, if you think it is worth it then crack on and good luck.

when i told my missus I wanted to re-muster she said she would support me all the way because if i didn't go for it i'd always have it in the back of my mind the what if's and probably resent her for it, equally I don't want to lose her but i have to give it a go plus we are married already so kind of makes you abit more solid. (and i skip a few weeks training due to being in a while already)

[Hostage_Negotiator]

Broders' good luck with the remuster! Hope it works out for you..what trade group are you leaving?
Glad to see your missus is supporting you through this!
Best wishes

H_N

[broders120]

cheers

Air Ops (at work at the mo lol) Its taken me a year but got there eventually. Can't wait but nervous too as its been a bit of a shambles on the admin side

[Hostage_Negotiator]

That's a big jump mate but I'm sure you've prepared for it!
Just remember pain is weakness leaving the body!!!

Best wishes and I'll see you on FP Coy!

[mr_man_2168]

Thanks again everyone. Looks like training will be the acid test then, reassuring in a way as that's only temporary and things should only get better afterwards. Plus knowing what points on the course I'll be coming home will give the pair of us something to look forward to.
Neither of us is expecting it to be easy, but it could always be harder.

14 days 'til interview!

[Rogue Chef]

mr_man_2168,

You answered your own question in your first post of this thread:

I know we'll have to work hard to keep things sweet and I know there'll be times when the two of us won't be seeing eachother for various reasons and various periods of time.

The next bit is more tricky:

But how hard is it really on a day-to-day scale?

Who could give you a genuine and accurate answer? Everyone will deal with things in their own way. It is very subjective.

Good luck, with whatever you decide.

[gunner75]

bin the bint. unless you roblivious to sitting down and thinking about things. i was in the same boat but when i was i recruit 0hhh when i was about 28 me and my EX had been seeing each other for bout 5 yr plus had a daughter (att time 5 yrs - not even mine !) i also had house car a semi business to think off. i went in done well in recruits got senior man for bout 5 month (i was ex 4 para)but detached retina damped my career.bit drunk now but all im saying is - go in as a free man, dont hae all the hang up i did. i enjoyed it 100% n got no where at an old age. you could go in and go further with right outlook and have your entire life to enjoy! and my bud by the way on my first day recruits is now married n a sniper (34) due to do selection. were still in touch. all im saying is its easier to not have ties and being a robot. wish back then i could of been a robot to her, would of made my life easier not having the emotion lol

[mr_man_2168]

bin the bint.

Bit strong! She's done nowt to deserve that, and like I said it's not as if she has a problem with me joining...

[gunner75]

i apoligise. was said tongue in cheek and certainly not meant as a personal remark aimed at you. happy new year!