Someone amuse me, PLEASE!

[Scottish Thistle]

Castor oil is the only thing I'm not willing to try. Anything else goes

Well, the bumpy roads didn't work last night so have to come up with another plan for tonight

[flo]

Trampolining :multi: :multi: :multi: :multi: :multi:

Then sex

[Artist]

Anyone ever hear about the Lady who was told by her Doctor to shove these err Gold Tablets up into herself whilst with child?

Come the day when the sprogg was due nought happened. And the next day nought happened. And the next and the next etc, etc.

Two months after the sprogg was due to drop she still had the little bugger in her womb. So the Doc decided to have a look and see just what the hell was going on. In he looked and saw the baby looking back at him with a glint in it's eye.

"Are you coming out or what?" shouted the Doc to the Sprogg.

"Bugger off! I've got a bloody Gold mine in here mate!" The sprogg replied.

COAT! NOW!

Artist

[flo]

Tumbleweed..............................................



Has he gone yet

[Mike]

When we had, rather Barbara had, the middle daughter, Emma, our next door neighbour filled her with Sherry, Barbara that would be of course, I drove her from Dunbar, East Lothian, the 35 miles to Edinburgh eastern general with herself singing 'Onward Christian soldiers' at the top of her voice....Never did find out why that Hymn... Any way she gave birth without almost knowing... Get the cooking sherry out Skiff

Aye
Mike

[flo]

When i was overdue with Skye (middle sprog) Jed went to Boots (god i miss that place ) and bought two bottles of castor oil. He said that because he was a doting hubby he wouldnt expect me to do anything that he wasnt prepared to do himself.- FOOL Once home i took my bottle of oil and took one sip and that was enough, the rest went down the sink. I then came outside and gave jed his bottle, after swearing solemly that i had polished of the whole bottle. Our next door neighbour laughed her head off as jed gulped down a whole bottle of castor oil. Next thing he has me on a pushbike going down the Montrose road to the harbour and over every cobble in sight. Then he had me on the trampolines (behave) and on the see saw. Still nothing happened On our way back home i heard a loud moan and turned to see jed jump of his bike and end up in some dodgy bushes. Yep you guessed it, the castor oil came into effect and gave him a severe dose of the trots and he had to go there and then. When we got back home he said to our neighbour that he couldnt understand why nothing was happening to me. and at this point i had to confess that there was no way in hell that i was touching that stuff as i knew what would happen. Yep he was not a happy bunny, but i laughed so much that my waters actually broke and our Skye was born.

So in effect it does work but not in the way it should

[harry hackedoff]

Mrs Aitch is a midwife(true) I`ll ask her in the morning. She`s got pelvic floor muscles that could lift a piano from all those years giving pre natal classes, so aren`t I the happy bunny
Not many Yee Har!

[flo]

Lucky lass, im like the bionic woman totally rebuilt

[flighty]

A cocktail of castor oil, orange juice and Andrews Liver Salts followed by a vigorous cutting of the lawn with a pair of dressmaking scissors did the trick for me.

However, I did spend the next 29 hours in labour and had 39 stitches inserted into my lady bits after it was all over...... done by a doctor who looked like he was on a YTS.

That's lads for you.

The daughter slipped out in less than an hour.

Good luck, Heather!!

Jayne xx

[Scottish Thistle]

Flo, I love it

I just wish I hadn't read it out to Graham - it would have been a good one to have up my sleeve

Still nothing happening I waddled around the Motor Fair at Knockhill for 2 and a half hours on Saturday which was pretty good going as I'm lucky if I can do 2 and a half yards these days! Then I spent yesterday scrubbing the house and still nothing other than a bloody sore back