So there I was.........

[Hostage_Negotiator]

.....blob of paint! At this point flo and loz returned minus the vodka but clutching two cases of Bucky like the classy birds they are until they realised neither of them had a ..............

[Doc]

.....frozen banana eating penguin from South georgia.

Loz and Flo were getting sloshed and trying to fight every farker until H_N in his police capacity turned to them and said.........

[Hostage_Negotiator]

OK which one of you wants the baton and which wants the cuffs?

[Hostage_Negotiator]

flo quick as a fleeing gazelle quipped "can I have the cuffs cause the ones I've got don't match my.......

[Doc]

......pink fluffy cowboy hat and matching stirrups. Not seeing a pair of pink fluffy RAf issue handcuffs before Doc yelped............

[Hostage_Negotiator]

"Bollox to that I'm having them Darling! "and bent over to allow H_N to retrieve his baton..... Meanwhile Stix had wiped the grin off his face and had walked over to Steve and Jayne who were now......

[Doc]

....out of the tunnel and enroute to the nearest RM base totally naked except for two rollmats each.
Doc screams to the other members of the forum to join in the escape as H_N gets stuck in the tunnel due to his large moustache and silly white cap.

As Doc climbs out of the tunnel the spot light trains onto him and the RAF guard crys out...............

[Hostage_Negotiator]

"Oi' Princess TwinkleToes...yes you in the pink tutu with the red cross tatooed on your helmet! Do you really think that your visit to No6 warranted its own thread?" At this point Sneaky appeared with the cry of........"Harry why are you wearing that Farkin wetsuit AGAIN? we're nowhere near the Oggin!"............................ ..In reply Harry stopped staring at flo's stein shelf and slurred.."

[flighty]

'...kerrist, it's my turn next' at which Doc, H_N, Sticky and Artiste bent over, stuck their heads through the railings and ......

[Doc]

.....viewed with the glee the mission objective which was..........

[Hostage_Negotiator]

...........to finally come up with a thread of substance! a Herculean task which all had been avoiding for some time now but alas they collectively came to the conclusion that time is relevant and that they had all spent longer in NAAFI queues than the vast majority of MFAT posters had spent out of school! Alas long and hard they pondered before it came to them in a moment of Pussers induced clarity!!! "Fark it" they cried in unison! We know what we'll do, we'll make a new objective and verrily it will be righteous and good for we are Jedi and the Force is with us. Artist called out in a voice strong and resonant " Cum moi luvverlies! Let us proceed with all haste for our destiny awaits us at the gates of..................

[Beast]

... Military Forums! Lets march forth accross the pond and decend downunder upon that scouse in Oz known as Hackedoff. While standing outside the Hackedoff Palace, Artist decided to redecorate the outside and what a marvellous job he had done too. Renamed as 'The Retreat in the Bunker' we now have 'An underground defensive position with a fortified projection above ground level for gun emplacements with a place of reflective contemplation away from the nobbers'.
Owdun decied to christen our new hideout with a bottle of pussers... the bottle broke but contents were empty, Mike looked in horror while trying to hide the sound of hicups.
We all gathered around and decided what to do this very night when we heard a sound...

[Hostage_Negotiator]

..............a horrible metallic ratcheting which being experienced in such matters we instantly recognised as the sound of the preferred weapon of our enemy.....the Walt Paintball Semi-Auto (.68 in calibre and capable of hurling it's payload at least 30ft with deadly...well messy accuracy).yes there silloueted on the skyline ( they had not learned yet the rule of S's) stood our Nemesis....... the amassed hordes of the Walt! resplendant yet slightly menacing in their dishevelled school shorts, ties which had never experienced the satisfaction of a Windsor knot undone at their as yet unshaven throats. The battle scars of their youth (acne) standing out in its angry redness like tiny shrapnel wounds. Just at that moment the tallest of them gangly and legs bowed like a rapper gangsta lurched forward menacingly.... and stooped to refasten the velcro on his school shoes....as he bent his face was revealed in the fast fading light of dusk. A sharp collective intake of breath was heard from the assembled intrepid heroes of our small TriService band of warriors, for in the fading light the youth was revealed as King Walt, Lord of Darkness himself none other than the dreaded.................

[Doc]

............"Fark it He's wearing a ski mask so it could be a number of prongs!" H_N quickly and effortlessly went through the roll-call of recent planks that had crossed out path (not that we use paths obviously with the new SOPs from HQ) as he reached name 402, Doc raised his MP5 to his shoulder and let loose 29 rounds (saving the last to prevent the dead mans click), 29 walts fell but still the amassed ranks and band moved forward toward us. Fearing for the safety of HH in the bunker cooking emu eggs and Kangaroo testicles on his barbie, the tri-service reaction force flew in by Chinook and fasted roped to the deck to support us the advance party. The Walt king screamed out "Snot fair we only have...........

[Hostage_Negotiator]

...........paintball guns and non-descended testicles! Thatz rite innit M8 wot jew fink, watever!" However they displayed more testicular fortitude than the Forum Vet Strike Force had credited them with and the Walt Horde advanced relentlessly towards the extended line of our heroes! The Walt King let out a very high (aka Aled Jones like) scream and there was a loud "Pff" as the horde cut loose with aseemingly unending barrage of....little balls of paint! The Vets line held fast despite the barrage when all of a sudden there was a roar of Fat Albert overhead and canopies began to open above as the airborne section of the Vets joined the fray, Tab and Got1 could be heard singing raucous Cherry Berry songs as they plummeted..sorry..descended with grace and panache! Suddenly off to the left from a puddle which appeared unable to hide a small frog there emerged the spectral black clad figures of Sneaky and Rover..... The Walts had been flanked by the guile and expertise of the Vets who mustered their collective voice in homage to their illustrious leader "J" ......."All hail J! All hail J!..... oh J can you see..!"
The Walt King seeing he had been outwitted fell to his knees and screamed............"