Parade ground dits

[JR]

Somewhere lurking in the depths of all our memories must be certain dits which over the years have become bootneck folklore.

Having marched on to the hallowed ground to be confronted by some irate DL whose remarks echo through the squad and causes many a bootneck to wonder about his parentage.

To the DL who pinned a copy of his birth certificate to the notice board just to prove he was'nt a B'stard.
Or the magic words 'get on the flank' come on how many of you angelic B'stards have been relegated banished to to the flank.

Extra parades being a miscreant and having to report for extra drill usually during the 'Dogs'.
After all the flak,the magic words Royal Marines to your duties quick march,to be sent somewhere in the great globe,and the first person you meet is your old Drill instructor.
Must be a few 'dits' out there to bring forth a attack of nostalgia.Aye jr

[harry hackedoff]

Have you ironed that shirt, Hackedoff
Yes Sarnt
What did you use?A hot brick
No Sarnt, I used an iron
An Iron? Ooooh used an iron did we? On that shirt? Was it plugged in?
Sarnt
Did you use any starch like I showed you?
Yes Sarnt, I used Spray-on starch
Well you farking well missed sonny. Get on the flank

[JR]

Nice one Bert........You can now join the rest of us on the flank!
Starched shirts,you smooooth Bassa? Aye jr

[Artist]

"You wearing them Lovats for a bet then Cpl? Your boots are well past their sell by date as well"

Forty Five quid for a new pair of Lovats, new AP boots also a fair few quid. As for the price I had to pay for the studs the cobbler fitted on the soles..............Swine of a C/Sgt DL. Oie hated doing me Seniors, cost me a farking bomb!

Prior to that:

Getting a bollocking for giving some poor Nod stick because when I screamed to the Nod Troop I was taking during my juniors Drill Pass out "Officer on Parade, to the right.......SALUTE!" Everyone apart from the Nod I bollocked saluted to the farking left!!!

Bloody Drill intructors............"Whatever he orders you to do just do the opposite" Ha farking Ha!

The best was when I cleaned me white gloves with neat Starch in order to save money prior to the laying up of 41's colours at Stonehouse. The first day of practice........ White fluff all over the place. At the end of it all I had was the cuffs of the gloves and a very fetching covering of Dandruff all over me and the poor sods near me. DL went apeshit!

Artist

[JR]

There was only one DL I looked down upon,but there again he always looked up to me 'short arsed little B'stard.
No name no pack drill?.Aye jr :fadein: :fadein:

[Si Capon]

Senior branch in the corps.

28th October 1664, someone had to shout "Fall in fellas"

The very first DL

[JR]

Talking about encentric DL's.

Who was the Drill Leader early 60's ITC Lympstone who drove one of those 3 wheel bubble cars Messerschmitt and had a recorder fitted inside which gave off the sound of a machine gun,plus decals painted on the cab of civvies?.That man could clear Exmouth main road seconds flat. aye jr

[Sticky Blue]

He shouted that...

28th October 1664, someone had to shout "Fall in fellas"

half an hour after the bugler played "Half hour warning for parade"

[JR]

Just think!......All that many years ago when the first of the Trained Bands of London...Bimbled down to the 'square' formed an orderly queue to which the drill sergeant thought,hey thats a great idea if I form that lot into two more queue's then we'll have three ranks,wait I'll have to get me-self some sort of stick Ah I know! a 'Halberd' hence the the right hand man of the squad carried the halberd.

Now after a few years of campaigning the Sgt found it a bit tiresome carrying around this thing called a halberd a battle-axe and pike mounted on a handle 6ft long and decided to chop orf the pike and battle-axe reducing the stick to a more manageable piece of equipment? .
The sergeant getting on in years? found his new stick ideal for using as an aid for walking and for keeping pace with his Trained Band,So the new piece of equipment was called a pace Stick .

Oh and by the way! the first member of the trained band was General Duties .Aye jr

[Rogue Chef]

Ahoy there!
Two of my favourites, not sure if they are true.

1. Adjutant's weapon inspection at CTC. SLR (Self Loading Rifle) broke over shoulder of nod. Adj peers down barrel and is not amused. Adj invites nod to take a peek and report what he sees.

"The Officer's Mess Sir".

2. Adjutant's inspection of nod troop. Adj inspects a nod (not the same nod as in previous dit) and is not amused. Adj pokes nod with his cane and tells him that there is a piece of shit on the end of the stick and what does he have to say about it.

"Not at this end Sir".

[Rogue Chef]

Ahoy there!

In mitigation Dave Gammage was my DL and had many such tales to tell.

[Mike]

Depot Deal... 1963 our squad was about to leave for CTC and had the last SO's parade Blues, White gear, boot, this Ish. and was inspected by him on his Orse with Adjutant following close behind also horse bound..... Inspection completed the CO gives us a big chuck up and returns to the front of the parade...

Adjutant the balls “JE 16 about turn.... Over the wall GO!!!”

Not that this was a one off, we were always being told to go over the wall.....But it was a poignant moment in our training as our kit was probably at its most perfect at that time.

Once having been over the wall we then had to line up while he inspected us again and those who still had a shine on anything was sent back over the wall again…

Aye
Mike

[owdun]

Jim, do you remember the fun and games at Deal, when one of the NS squads had passed out, had the squad piss-up, and stuffed the gong( a bloody great shell case) with rags etc. Parade fell in next morning, duty drummer standing by to give it eight bells , a dull thud ensued and the parade rolled up.Much cursing and shouting by parade staff and mighty guffaws from us nods, took half an hour to settle things down, but boy, did we suffer for that. The sods that set it up marched happily off to ITC, leaving the rest of us picking up the pieces.


Aye Owdun.

[Rotary Booty]

Rogue Chef

Adj pokes nod with his cane and tells him that there is a piece of shit on the end of the stick and what does he have to say about it.

"Not at this end Sir".

That one is sort of maybe definitely could be true, but it happened to a certain world famous best selling Royal Marines author during his King's Squad session at CTCRM in 1983ish, and it was the RSM with a 'big pace stick'!

Rotary

[CSMRM]

Lets not forget that recently departed from the Corps DL 1 with waxed tach whos now batting for the other side, Queens eyebrows and all!