ptsd - help me out guys!

[mardy_cow!!]

hi
can anyone giv me advice on how to best help my husband of 14years? after serving in NI and having been to Iraq, he is finding life a struggle.He is now out of the army and he has been to drs who has referred him 4 therapy but god knows how long that will take! have looked into going private and found a sound chap, but my man tells me he feels like he is being backed into a corner.
I am so willimg to understand why he is behaving like this ( irritable, brinking, working flat out, emotionally numb) but its hard not to feel like his pushing us away. He wants to move out to give him time to 'get sorted' but every bone in my body thinks this is a bad move. Does he need this space, or do you think his avoiding the problem? i would love to hear from anyone who has been through this, and what was the best thing people could do to help you? I love him to bits and want to do whats right, but not sure what that is yet?! Will his emotions return as he gets better, and will he be able to reach a point to ask for help by himself?
I realise its a long journey, and a hard one, but i'm determined to keep our family together whatever it takes.Is there light at the end of that long tunnel?
many thanks guys, i'm finding this one hard.Did anyone out there feel the same?

mardy cow!!

[BigStevie]

Hello

I am a member of a site for veterans of the war in NI. We exist to help the veterans who are having trouble in getting past or dealing with the pain and torment that PTSD brings, not only to the person but to the loved ones around them, and to keep alive the memory of those who did not return.

The most important thing that a lot of our members say made a difference is realising that they are NOT alone. We have members of all ages, and also partners too, who have been on the rough end of the trauma for a long time - in some cases for thirty years.

We do not claim to be therapists, but having suffered we have an in-depth understanding of what PTSD can do, and have been able to help in advice and more practical ways. Sometimes all it takes is to know that there is someone on the other end of a phone, or on the site, who can listen or can give a word of encouragement.

Thi is not a sales pitch - we only exist to help our comrades in their time of need. But we also have a good laugh too, as the loss of the closeness of military comradeship can be a big factor in the the sufferer's pain.

Feel free to have a look at our site - especially if your husband is looking over your shoulder - we might be able to help.

The Northern Ireland Veterans Association:

www.nivets.org.uk

take care
BigStevie

[BigStevie]

I hope that the listeners on the site will not mind me putting up this reply - I am sure your advice would more than helpful and wherever this lady decides to go to get assistance, my only hope is that things work out for her and her husband.

Thanks, and again my apologies if i have offended anyone.

[mardy_cow!!]

many thanks - anything is worth a try.

[mardy_cow!!]

many thanks to those of you who have replied, have explored several avenues and hopefully he has an assesment next week, has any one any info on resources on how to explain to kids etc, or advice on what i need to do to help him? ( do i give him space / be around when he wants/ carry on as normal- whatever normal is!!) lots of factual support on the net but nothing that helps you live with it on a day to day basis. Combat stress sent some helpful info, only their support group is for partners who have attended their services.Anyone know of other groups like this? mardy

[JoJo82]

Good luck lass, I don't have 1st hand experience with this but I could imagine it would be hard on both of you.

Bravo for you standing by him though, alot of people wouldn't understand what he has been through and that could cause some damage.

Hopefully, him knowing that you are there for him in the simplest way has done some good.

[kernowman235]

I HAVE SUFFERED POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER FOLLOWING SERVICE IN NORTHERN IRELAND SINCE 1993.

I CAN GIVE ADVICE ON MY OWN EFFORTS AS WERE BUT AM UNABLE TO PROVIDE MORE DETAILED ADVICE.

1/ GET IN CONTACT WITH - THE EX SERVICES MENTAL WELFARE SOCIETY (COMBAT STRESS) TYRWHITT HOUSE, OAKLAWN ROAD, LEATHERHEAD, SURREY, KT22 0BX. 01372 841633.

WWW.COMBATSTRESS.ORG.UK

I HAVE BEEN ATTENDING THEIR TREATMENT CENTRE FOR THE LAST 2 YEARS. 6 WEEKS PER YEAR BROKEN INTO 1 AND 2 WEEK STAYS.

2/ THE TREATMENT IS FINANCED BY THE VETERANS AGENCY (WAR PENSIONS) WHOM I RECIEVE 40% PENSION . A WAR DISABLEMEMNT PENSION IF YOU ARE NOT IN RECIEPT OF ONE REQUIRES TO APPLIED FROM. I WOULD SUGGEST APPROACHING THE BRITISH LEGION TO HELP YOU APPLY AS THEY HAVE A SPECIFIC DEPARTMENT WHICH HELPS WITH THE APPLICATION. TRY THE COUNTY FIELD OFFICER IN YOUR REGION OF THE UK. HIS /HER NUMBER WILL BE IN THE PHONE BOOK UNDER ROYAL BRITISH LEGION.

WWW.VETERANSAGENCY.MOD.UK
WWW.BRITISHLEGION.ORG.UK

3/ FINANCING TREATMENT WITH COMBAT STRESS CAN BE DONE THROUGH YOUR GP SURGERY.

4/ THERE ARE VARIOUS WEBSITES FOR PTSD - MY ADVICE IS TO CHOOSE WISELY AS THERE IS A LOT OF CONFLICTING INFORMATION.

I DO NOT MIND RESPONDING TO PRIVATE MESSAGES HOWEVER I ONLY GET ON THE NET 2 OR 3 TIMES A WEEK. SO ASK TO BE PATIENT IN REPLYING.
PLEASE DO NOT HESITATE TO CONTACT ME.