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Barrack Tales

Discussions about those units who make up the Commando’s.
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El Prez
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Post by El Prez »

We were in a bar in Nicosia, as you do, when a local wench grabbed Pete Norman by the nuts and complained, "Oh you've only got a little splinter!" Nankerville fancied some of this treatment, relieved Pete of his onerous duties and was ecstatic when said tart trilled in delight, "Oh but this is a huge splinter!!!!" :lol:
You should talk to somebody who gives a f**k.
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Post by Yorkie Malone »

The one about the crab reminds me.

In a toilet there was a poster

VD CAN BE CURED

Someone had written below So can kippers

SyY
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BARRACK TALES

Post by Artist »

Whist doing me S2's at CTC we were living in the accom block opposite the NAAFI. First floor I think. I had obtained a super 8 cine projector & 'somehow' had got some porn films. Normal routine, few drinks in the JNCO club with me roommates, 'I know' say's I lets 'watch some PORN'. We wer'nt thinking to clearly and got a pussers sheet set up in front of the window. set up projector, turn of light, puts on the first film. Film finishes. Loud cheers erupt from outside, look out of window, see half of CTC outside the bloody NAAFI. Most pleading for more & some writing things in books. Should have took more notice of the writers. Proceeded to show the next one until duty wandering patrol hammer on door. Nough said. Big Bosses not happy Hectors. Little Cpl in deep s**t. I loved doing guard commander duty. Day on. Day off. Saved a fortune. Passed the course mind.
Aye Steve Evans
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El Prez
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Post by El Prez »

I beg indulgence to recount the tale of a member of the Highland Div, from WW2. A wee man from Aberdeenshire by the name of Jimmy Simpson. I was lucky enough to know this man and count him as a friend. he always carried a pair of German Artillery binos 'liberated' from an OP he and a mate overran.
Nurse and I were invited to Jimmy and Peggy's 50th wedding anniversary bash, where he stood up and in front of 80 guests, bracketed by his wife and daughter, he told the following tale.
His unit were escorting German POWs back to Germany from Italy at the end of the war. He was granted home leave and decided it was now or never to wed his girl, Peggy. She was a member of the land army and a fine lump of a girl, still is for that matter. The train was stopped by snow at Montrose, but the farm folk were waiting with a cart, and Jim lagged up in his battle order and kilt clambered on for the trip to Newburgh. That night there was a party; afterwards he took Peggy back to the farmhouse where she was billeted. Things warmed up under the Porch but she whispered "Nae here, the farmer'll hear us" and they wandered off to the end of the house. Once again she demured, claiming it would upset the animals in the byre. Eventually Jimmy cornered her in the rear porch. He said "things were just getting interesting when the farm cat jumped off the wall onto Peggy's shoulder, she shrieked and that was that". With that he placed a hand on his daughters shoulder, looked ruefully at her and said, "If it wasn'ae fer that bloody cat you'd be in yer 50s".

Jim had a young highland terrier pup called Willy. This little beast chased rabbits for fun, and Jim was forever loosing him in the Whims (gorse) on the links. So he tied 10 feet of string to the dogs collar, to no avail. He then attached a washing up bottle, to which he added a few pebbles, so at least he knew in which direction the little sod was running. Eventually he painted the bottle fluorescent red. One bright Saturday morning I met him near the beach and our dogs were ricochetting around, my yellow lab being chased by a terrier towing 10 feet of string and a rattling washing up bottle. At this point we were joined by a young lady and her dog. As the terrier went past she stamped on the string, arresting the forward progress of the beast, and jerking it onto its back. She picked up the bottle, shook it, and asked Jimmy, "What's this?"
Through tears of joy and my howls of laughter he replied, "That's the end of my Willy". Three months in the planning and it worked. I was on my knees, poor Jim was crying with uncontrolled mirth and Jennifer just stood there dumbstruck.

RIP Jim. :lol:
You should talk to somebody who gives a f**k.
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jos
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Post by jos »

41Cdo Plymouth Parade sometime in 1967.
Old Corporal, in blues and pith helmet who shall remain nameless, was the third man from me in the front row. He had several medals on his blues. Unfortunately he was badly educated.
Major General stops examines his medals and says,' I see by your medals you have been in the desert and the jungle?'
Reply, 'Yes, Sir'
'Well,' the Major General asks, 'what did you like best?'
Reply, 'Desert, Sir.'
'Desert, I bet that brings back memories, Nostalgia eh?' says the Major General.
Reply, 'No Sir, North Africa.'

Collapse of parade…………….
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Post by barrybudden »

A friend of mine told me once, they were being inspected by the some high ranking officer. They were all part - time UDR. Officer comes along the rank asking stupid questions, stops with Bobby and asked him "what did you join the UDR for?" Bobby "£3.00 a night sir."
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Post by Wully »

Jos
What's with all those numbers etc in your messages? :fadein:
Wully
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Post by THE HAPPY WANDERER »

This tale was bandied around many years ago just after the introduction
of the new Blues uniform.
I believe the unit was 42 cdo.The C.O. called a blues parade to inspect the
standard of the tailoring of said new Blues.As he walked between the ranks
he would comment on the tailoring and in some cases order the removal of
either the trousers or tunic.The offending item to be put in the gash bins provided.
I would love to have seen his face when one chappie was told to remove his tunic
only to reveal his wifes elbow length white gloves. :o :o :o :o
Now try to imagine the RSMs face. :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil:



Aye The happy wanderer
JOINED 71.42CDO 40 CDO 41 CDO 3RD CDO BDE. A.D.T. LEFT 86.HAVE HAD MANY HOURS OF FUN BROWSING THIS SITE.LOOK FORWARD TO MANY MORE.
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jos
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Post by jos »

Wully,
my mistake as I write out in MS word and then cut and paste to save time.
So I think it's a formating mistake due to pasting.
Now I know what's causing it I will stop it happening in future.
Regards JOS
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Post by Wully »

Jos
Thanks for the info. Robert Parry had already enlightened me to what was happening. I'm slowly - very slowly - getting the hang of this machine!! :roll:
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Pussers white gloves

Post by Artist »

Remember doing blues parade in Stonehouse Bks 76.

Me white gloves were a wee bit manky, Suddenly, Idea!
Save KUA by making up an instant white glove washing soultion.
Neat starch. Pussers vim in hot water leave to soak. It worked a treat,

One problem, whilst doing arms drill noticed little bits of white fluff dancing in the air. Looked at gloves. The bloody things were disintegrating as we shouldered arms etc, etc, DI was a happy soul who p**sed himself when I came to his attention. At the end of the session all I had were little strips of cotton dangleing from badly tarnished buttons. O happy days.

aye steve evans
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Post by barrybudden »

While on tour in wettest Fermanagh we were doing a mortar base plate patrol around Annaghmartin PVCP. Roslea forrest was just across the way from us so we decided to go for a we walk in the woods. The lower ground was very marshie and we came to what I recognised as a "lint hole" these were used when flax was the major crop being grown in N.Ireland for linnen production. After its cut it has to be rotted in large water filled holes for several months. This one had a carpet of grass over it, so I decided to go around it. The team commander was a cockney and I didn't think that he wouldn't have known what it was, he went to the edge and made a jump at it and landed in the middle and promptly dissapeared under the water, the hole must have been 6 or 7 feet deep. I was right behind him and just about managed to pull him out with laughing. He stunk, the hole was full of stagnent water for probably the last 40 years. We kept our distance and hosed him down on our return.
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Post by barrybudden »

We went to Cartahana (I can't spell) its in the South of Spain some where, during Dragon Hammer 91 or 92. It was a kip of a place and a few small skirmishes took place with the locals. Or store man Ging Parker went ashore and got pissed badly. He met up with a lady of the night and went back to her place for recreation, fell asleep and woke up on his own with no money (wallet nicked). On the way back to the ship another lady of the night asked him if he would like to partisipate in some oral recreation. He agreed and was thinking he had got one over on her when she bit the oul fella and her boy friend came out of the bushes and stole his watch.
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spelling of Spanish places

Post by Artist »

Just call it DAGO land. Saves time.

Thought the Bootnecks were trying to expand Gib when they hit the wrong beach! All the ex pongoes and crabfats in my local gave me stick. my answer was 'S**t happens.

They left it alone after that. Losers the bloody lot of em.

(I said to them later ' At least the Marines are still in the news')

Aye steve evans
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Post by Si Capon »

Steve Holden wrote:Ahoy there!

Late summer 1986. 40 Cdo RM aboard a Norwegian civvy ferry. The public address system, having been abused, could only be used for official pipes and those sanctioned by the OOD. A very attractive Norgy female officer often read out the pipes in an extemely breathless and seductive accent. One day the following pipe was broadcast by said female. "Attention! All muff divers report to Mike Hunt immediately. I say again. All muff divers report to Mike Hunt immediately. That is all". A few seconds stunned silence around the ship followed by several minutes uproar. Then a very stern pipe from RSM Wright, inviting all junior ranks to muster ASAP. A severe bollocking followed. Apparently the wag who submitted the pipe in the first place had faked the RSM's signature. The culprit??..............

Tommy Cooper Recce Troop. :evil: :evil: :evil:

Yours aye
Steve


Steve

I was on board at the time... as memory serves me, it was preceeded by ;
"Will Corporal P.Ness and R . Sole contact the information desk"


I was a green sprog at the time waiting for one of the on-board lifts to take me to my accomodation deck. I was stood beside the CO & the RSM.
The lift arrives.
THe doors open.
A naked Marine falls out.
His Hands and feet bound together with black Maskers along with a strip over his mouth.
The CO, me and the RSM step over him as though nothing hads happened and off we go!

The memory will stay with me forever
Once....................... Always...tup, three
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