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........sat in the bath dying my nasal hair when in burst H_N dressed as John Wayne but wearing large pink flippers and a groucho mask. He apologised for his intrusion and I thought it lucky I had no water in the bath and was wearing a full noddy suit minus a ressy.

As he turned to leave he mumbled.......

....Oh my what a big boy you are! Then like a thunderbolt from the blue, he realised that he was questioning his own sexuality. Of he went to speak to some of his oppos who gave this advice.......

......You really must make an effort to roll your hips more if you insist in doing those John Wayne impressions! and stop letting that Pikey Doc use the Police Station bathroom every time he fancies a W*nk! Although they were mightily impressed by his ability to............

......make extra creamy cappacino with only one hand free Now expecting their coffee every hour on the hour Doc was becoming very anaemic. Approaching the sickbay to prescribe himself iron tablets, E45 cream and a wrist splint, Doc turned the corner to see..............

....Sticky Blue sat naked in the corner blowing his horn whilst flo accompanied him by strumming away merrily whilst balancing various glasses of alcoholic beveragres upon her ample bosom! When discovering to their horror that they had a voyeur flo tried to cover her "guitar" and screamed.............

...."what the fark are Sticks, Doc and myself on a farking crab base for!!??". Unique in our dilema and feeling all alone what with our military bearing and habit of showering with soap, we decided to form 3 tunnels heading out from the basement of the Medical Centre.

Tunnel one "Tom" was closed down when we ran into the underfloor heating vents from the Holiday Inn near the runway.

Tunnel two "Dick" collapsed as Flo reversed onto Sticky, after seeing a rat, and his periscope went up!

Tunnel three "Harry" is now past the fence and the ever vigilant RAF Regt perimeter patrol.

Waiting until darkness fell to make their escape, they huddled together to maintain warmth and suddenly Sticky cried out..................

"wheres the soap???"
to which Harry replied.."yes it does, doesn't it"
Flo by this time had regained her composure and was swiftly heading back thru the tunnel towards the bar where....

........."Doc get that shovel handle out from up my A*se!!!"
to which Doc replied with a grin " but Stix, flo's got the shovel!"
Just at that point a Bollinger Delivery truck enroute the Officers Mess passed overhead causing a great rumbling, flo who had come back down the tunnel to see what all the hullaballoo was about rounded the corner to see Sticky and Doc had disengaged but Sticky's rear was now covered in......

Hostage_Negotiator wrote:Sticky's rear was now covered in......

...sticky stuff.
Now where could that have come from? said Doc
H-N replied....

....."my moustache wax jar"

Doc gazed in amazement at H_Ns hairy lip and then pondered on how he had got into the tunnel face on. Sticky burst out laughing see the farking stupid thing ontop of H_Ns gob, and Loz then climbed off saying..........

........".I don't feckin care where or who it came from! You 3 are nicked! Thanks to your tunnelling the Runway has collapsed and the Bolly wagon can't get to the Mess! WTF is that in your hand Doc?"
To which Doc muttered......

..."why are you arresting us Loz when handlebar head is the rozzer not you!"
things then got strained in the.................

Ermmmmmmmmm....

At which point Flo and Loz burst out laughing at the shrivelled up thing (probably through lack of use) in Docs hand.

As the 2 harpees headed off to grab a bottle of vodka each and a straw (we're posh burds ye ken ) H-N reached into his pocket and produced...

.a large pinkbugle which he handed to Stix saying get down to theMess and keep them amused....because they were still awaiting the arrival of the Bolly truck when suddenly Artist appeared from behind a bush shouting" Have I missed my Flighty?"
To which HH replied......

Hostage_Negotiator wrote: To which HH replied......

You might have, but I never
I got her straight on the face with a great big......