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New to the forum, worried sick about my friend. Any advice?

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jojibeans
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New to the forum, worried sick about my friend. Any advice?

#1 Post by jojibeans » Mon 02 Feb, 2009 10:20 pm

Hi,

I am new to the forum but have just read through some of the posts and you seem like a friendly and supportive group so I thought I would see if you can put any of my worries to rest or at least give me some advice on how to handle this. Their is a lot of information on here for partners and families, but not much for people in my position.

My ex (now a very close friend) is about to go and do the last stage of his selection process this weekend, aiming at getting into SF once eligible. I have known since we met that this is what he wants to do, but there has always been one thing or another that stopped him getting this far, and now it is starting to actually seem REAL that he is going to go.

I know how long he has waited for this and I want him to be happy, but at the same time I am worried sick about him because he is basically of the opinion that it doesn't matter if he comes back in one piece or not. He has said repeatedly that, aside from me and another friend of his, he has nothing and nobody truly important to come back to (he is not at all close to his parents or sister, hates his job and is dating a girl casually but she is more of a "convenience" if you catch my drift). He also seems hellbent on seeing as much action as possible. :-?

When I tell him how much his attitude frightens me he just tries to placate me. I can't talk to our other friends about the fears I have either, because unfortunately a lot of people are convinced that there is still more to our relationship, despite the fact that I am getting married this year and he has also had other relationships.

So basically I have all this worry going on and nobody to help me deal with it. :( Can anyone give me any advice, or information, that will help? And how can I keep in touch with him if he does go away?

Thanks,

Joji

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jstagg
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#2 Post by jstagg » Mon 16 Feb, 2009 4:12 pm

Is he going through the application process or is he actual in training, most people joining are hell bent on seeing action but they have to do usually two phases of training before their sent to the current areas of action, it's strange that he has no care for him self but saying that he has accepted that their is a chance something could happen, and you will have to think on something like that because it's not a definate it will happen but it's not a impossible thing to happen.

as for the special forces part he will have to do at least 4years of service before he can apply or is chosen to proceed, I'm not 100% sure whether the Four years have to be four years from passing out or four years from becoming a trainee.

Every one has a trouble with a person close to them leaving for a long period of time, I'm about to start training Sunday and it's daunting for both me and my girlfriend, maybe give him a slap or a shake up and tell him he has to communicate to those close to him.. it's all about team work in the army.
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Al_2
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#3 Post by Al_2 » Mon 16 Feb, 2009 4:24 pm

I know your his ex but this is the only stuff I could find:



http://www.royalmarines.mod.uk/server/show/nav.6928

Hope it helps
Don't pull face's, it means nothing to me I can't feel a thing. You must drive forward.

'The Paras 1982'

jojibeans
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#4 Post by jojibeans » Mon 16 Feb, 2009 4:36 pm

Thank you for your reply.

First of all I would like to say sorry to all of you on here, I don't know the right language for all of this but I hope people understand roughly what I am talking about and will forgive me if I ask what seem like stupid questions!

When I posted my message he was due to go for the last stage of selection after which he would know whether he had been accepted and he would then start training after that. The snow meant it was cancelled, so his new date is at the start of march.

I know that the worst could happen and I am trying to prepare myself for that, which is the hardest part as I couldn't bear it if anything happened to him. What is worrying me the most like I said before is the fact that he doesn't seem to be afraid of it. I know he would never do anything to endanger the people he was fighting with, but I am scared that he will not consider his own safety as important as the safety of those around him.

My other concern is how and when I will be allowed to keep in touch with him, I understand that for part of his training he won't be allowed leave or anything but will he be allowed phone/internet access? Also I am getting married in September, so what is the general policy (if there is one) about getting leave whilst training? I can't imagine the day without him there so I am hoping he will be able to get leave.

Thank you,

Joji

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#5 Post by Al_2 » Mon 16 Feb, 2009 4:46 pm

You can write to him when he's in training, and he can take a mobile phone, and as I'm aware you do get access to the internet after a certain amount of time in training.

I'm not in the Army so I haven't been on a tour, but as for him having disregard for his own safety, he may say this now when getting deployed is a long way off, but no doubt his attitude will change if he actually does go. And as for going SF, that is certainly a long way off.
Last edited by Al_2 on Mon 16 Feb, 2009 4:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Don't pull face's, it means nothing to me I can't feel a thing. You must drive forward.

'The Paras 1982'

jstagg
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#6 Post by jstagg » Mon 16 Feb, 2009 4:46 pm

Your allowed to take a mobile phone to training thou your not allowed to keep it turned on all the time, but the odd text is o.k if he's not caught heh, he can write you letters until he's blue in the face if he wanted to, it's a better means of contact it's more personal


He will be trained to act proper along with his squad so he wont endanger himself or others, he's got a while if he's still Enlisting, I'm not really sure on what he's doing.


All you can do is support him, how he takes it is how he does, and how you take it is how you do, theirs not Fix or advice any one can give to put your mind at rest really.
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#7 Post by tom163 » Mon 16 Feb, 2009 7:30 pm

I will try and help you a bit and add to what has been said above. You say he does'nt seem scared to go to war? I can bet you 110% he will be very much scared when he is told he will be going. Here is a quote a sergeant in the Paras told me earlier today infact, "Those who want to go to war are either mentally insane or have never been".

As for him wanting to go Special Forces, you have to be a special kind of person to be allowed into the ranks of the SAS, SBS, SRR etc and I am not saying he could'nt do it but it seems like a pipe dream to him at the minute.

You say you are trying to prepare yourself for the worse, thats a bad stance I think. If you keep thinking about it you will just get more upset and go mad. I am not being funny or anything but it will eat at you and could start affecting your life durastically.


Sorry I could'nt be more help.

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Re: New to the forum, worried sick about my friend. Any advi

#8 Post by saboor » Fri 17 Apr, 2015 7:48 am

I would agree with you on this, it isn't fair to read a post then automatically think it bs, however the comment re. the popping home to stay over one night was being a bit wet.

Marine training is longer than army, it's not 14 weeks it's 32 weeks. A few years ago I looked into joining the RM. I believe you get weekends off periodically and there are family days as well.

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Re: New to the forum, worried sick about my friend. Any advi

#9 Post by Tab » Fri 17 Apr, 2015 7:57 am

It should be remembered that this post was first written six years ago and a lot has changed since then. Also only a very small number people get selected for SF

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