Time for some help

[ratso]

I never want to admit to needing help and even when it is right in front of my face I would rather walk away and just sit and try to come to terms with it on my own.
Then two weks ago I cracked not a little but right down, I think the term should be a panic attack. I have to say that anyone who has had the same happen then you know, its like watching a scarry movie from the inside out.
I have now been to see a doc, a hard thing for me I have only been to a doc's four times since leaving the corps in 84. He is refering me to the shrink who wants to use others who deal with this all the time.
I still feal betrayed by the corps I had problems and they closed the door on me and now I am looking for help from people who don't really understand what it is all about. We need more people trained to help and I think it is about time we saw people who understand being trained to help. Those who have gone through the mill have a deep understanding of what is needed.
I am still having problems, don't like leaving the house at the moment.
Still road to recovery can't be as bad as a panic attack.....
Colours you can claim on your house hold insurance for your computer you know.......

[colours]

Greetings my friend,


I am awaiting the insurers’ decision after attempting to claim from East Midlands Electricity. I have serge protectors install on all three of my PC’s. The repeated power outrages which have disrupted and eventually damaged my PC are due to new technology (bought from USofA) and recently installed by the utility company. If a tree branch touches the domestic power supply the circuit is cut off for microseconds and then reinitiated, great because it doesn’t blow out the circuit. Unfortunately, during the growing season trees tend to grow and during windy weather their branches tend to touch power lines rather frequently. This grey-out isn’t much good for a PC. However East Midlands Electricity will not admit liability so household insurance has to cough up. Only trouble is I’m too honest and didn’t go for an upgrade of my PC as my motherboard is obsolete, but simply replaced the bits which were damaged.

Regards

Colours

[Mutley]

Rats,

Remember we are all there for you mate. Your not alone.
Your doing something about it that is the main thing. As has been said before old injurys that have been ignored take a little longer to mend.

Dont forget talk to those close by you, they are there with you. Take strength from them and the truths on these boards. You know I wouldnt say this to everyone, but why not have a chat with Combat Stress now. They are the good guys (now that I would say to everyone).

You have my number, if you feel the need.

[colours]

Rats,

I know exactly how you feel. A couple of months ago I felt a panic attack coming on.. Started with a band around my head which just got tighter and tighter and tighter. Had a couple of cans of beer to relax me but that made matters worse. I didn’t want to see or talk to anyone, even my wife who was tidying up the home. Then I broke down and had to get away, I went into our home tears streaming down my face, could hardly say a coherent word, put on shorts and trainers, just telling my wife ‘I had to get away.’

Of cause she was worried to death and went to my GP and arranged for an emergency and immediate home visit from my psychologist! Trouble was I was gone, and no one knew where.

Exercise eventually calmed my panic attack and then I realised where I was; cycling up a hill towards the church where my wife’s grand parents are buried. Needless to say I paid them a visit and exercised a few ghosts (no pun intended). Then I cycled 10 miles to my mother and fathers grave and did the same, simply sitting at the side of their graves and talking to them. Sounds stupid; but that’s what I did and felt much much better for it.

I arrived back home hours later as if nothing had happened and could not understand what all the fuss was about, I felt content and at ease. I know it was totally selfish to just disappear as I did, placing an unnecessary burden on my family, but I just had to take off. Totally irrational, I know, but it is the injury of the mind that is domineering the individual, and will continue to do so until he/she gets help.

No Rats, Mutley is right, you are not alone. We all need someone who can just listen and be there for us

Luckily, I know that Yorkie Malone and Trish are just a call away when, and believe me, (at times, do truly need them)! Again as I feel stronger the times I need their support less and less, but the fact that I know that they are there for me is enough for me right now.

Combat Stress are great, I have a good repartee with one of the females there. She tells me that there has been a positive improvement in the way I come over and all this 'reinforcing the positives' helps in the recovery process.

The trouble is it takes forever to get to bed and it is during this limbo stage that extra of support is needed, so that individuals like ourselves do not feel isolated. That is why Harry’s idea of a listeners group is tremendous. There are people out there who care, and that makes all the difference!

God, don't I go on somtimes!

Regards to you all

Colours

[ratso]

I have found that we have what must be some of the best care for a local authority in the country up here.
I have two link workers who call on me for a couple of hours a week and they are great.
The fact that I went from bad to worse they say is part of the process, worse was a total low point and hard to pull back from.
Then you have to cope with the fact that you feel useless because you can't even sit and do simple tasks anymore and I can't work which was my life.
The money worry then kicks in and you hit rock bottom. Now I am glad I have a partner who can stand by me even when I'm tearing her appart and then hitting low points for knowing I was wrong to do it.

A long process but as they have told me better to start the recovery than to never admit you have the problem. I have to agree it has been gnawing at me for twenty years time to let it out.

Thanks so far everyone, sorry if I'm not making sense.

[colours]

Hi rats,

I've just spent a week with Combat Strss, so I know just what you mean when you talk about 'a total low point and hard to pull back from,' what you also need to look out for is low points occuring when you don't expect them. You can fall pretty deep back into the void until you find something to stop the free fall! It can put you back months unless you're determine that it won't got the better of you.

If you want to talk about anything, just give me a bell.


Regards

Colours

[ratso]

I think the frightening thing about this illness is that when I speak to my case workers they are quick to point out that this is a long term illness which will only improve.
I get totally frustrated, anoyed and get worked up as I find it hard to admit that this is an illness once they leave me to get on. Then I try to do something and I end up a pile of shite on the carpet again.
I am finding it harder than I thought, I was a work aholic now I am a couch potato who has trouble stringing cohesive sentances together.

The biggest worry is now money. Now it's blaming myself for being useless and not providing for the family. A never ending circle. Marie is now my carer so she is stuck with me in tow like a lap dog as I am not trusted to be on my own due to my tempers. I just hope the benefits are sorted before Chrimbo. What a F*****n mess.

I am trying to decide if I am up to doing a course to keep me active and prepare me to get back to work, then they say mmmmmmmm wait a while.....

Wish I had not had kids and a great partner then it would be easy just to disappear.

[SYB]

Ratso,
It is a long hellish road to recovery. Just as you think you are reaching the end it turns back on itself and back you go. Keep at it mate and keep talking.

Thankyou and remember the telephone?
Simon

[ratso]

Something was made very clear to me this week when my case worker (CPN or controller of patient / nutter), when she made an appointment to call and see not me but Marie.
The simple fact is that Marie has a lot more to contend with than I give credit. The other side is that she is now down as my full time care worker.

So I hope you will all think about those who do the caring they have to watch us go through hell and then have us put them through the hell.

Sorry Marie batted my head for the story.

[harry hackedoff]

Keep talking mate, RBL have a families group and the welfare people at Combat Stress can allso help. I`ve said it before, for every victim there`s a victims family.

Aye, Harry

[ratso]

Thanks Harry.
I feel lucky up here in the NE we have a great set up with what I have to say is great support and CPN's who take time to look after us. They come to me which has been a great help as they monitor the home and the family as well.
They do regular family assesments and spend as much time with Marie as with me. I still intend going to Combat Stress at some point but again am thankful for the quick work of those here close at hand. they saw me within 7 days of the first doctors appointment.

[John/Sandy Ruane]

As people have said, the hardest bit is A. admitting you have a problem and B. finding the means of solving it. Most of us girlies have known for years that having a good cry is a big stress buster, it makes you feel better and is not harmful. I don't understand the bloke mentality very well, but crying is really good for you - so try it, you will feel better, and remember it takes a REAL man to cry. A stiff upper lip only makes your face ache.
Anyone who has watched any of the really inspiring Simon Weston programs on the telly, will know that he talks about "opening the box" in order to let the demons out. I guess the hardest bit, is finding the key in order to open the box in the first place ? But open the box you must, because as we have seen here, they (the demons) will get you in the end either with alcoholism, broken relationships or much, much worse. Even 20 years down the line, they will get you if you don't get them first.
Combat Stress sounds an excellent organisation, wish I had heard of it 16 years ago when I stood in the living room of a house in Arbroath, watching a young man fight to recapture Two Sisters. His wife and I along with the duty stripey could do little but look on in horror, before he calmed down enough to go to hospital.
I do feel for anyone who has been in this black hole. I guess in the end we all have to "open our own box" - we are all different and different things will work for different people.So to that young man on the floor of his living room all those years ago and to all of you, hope you all find that key so those demons can fly. Good luck everyone.
Sandy

[Mike]

Sandy, your so right, as I have stated in threads long past, I too had a very dark hole that opened up following a series of family disasters.
Prior to this period I used to boast that I was ok as I had a load of little boxes in which I could put the indevidual BAD times, I could open up each box at any time and not be adversly affected. That was the problem My boxes became a small chest of draws and then a wardrobe filled to bursting point and filled with, I dont know what.
I had learnt to put my matcho past well behind me some 20 years ago when I joined the Association of Barbreshop Singers.....
What is this prat on about, I hear you say......
Bear with me.
You see these guys sing in a fantastic four part harmony and with so much emotion that you can't help but to be carried away with the chords and when sung properly you are able to create and overtone, that, my friends, will knock the sox off anyone who is able to do it. and will turn the most matcho to tears. You then realise that no matter what, its not a problem to let your feeling flow, infact it does you good.

[ratso]

I spoke to Simon Weston tonight as he is one of the trustees for the FVF.
I can say that when I speak to this guy I feel humbled by him, his voice rings out with that typical welsh harmony and with what is always a cheerful note. I can say that with what he has done for the veterans and service people of the UK he needs applauding.
He travels thousands of miles a week to speak and to support his own charities, then goes out to shout to help change policy. A true giant amongst men who never seems to stop crusading.
I don't mind addmiting that I cry a lot these days. when our dog died a few weeks ago I cried for days as I lost my best friend of over ten years, she always kept me company lying at my feet all night while I typed away on the computer.
So yes men should be re-taught how to cry and not be afraid to show emotion.

[harry hackedoff]

Mike`s right. Barber-shop groups make me cry, as well. But for differant reasons Sorry Mike
Rats, C.S. can talk to you on the phone, they have many regional Welfare Officers who can visit you and an absolutely fantastic group of girls in the Welfare dept at Trrywit House. Tony Letford (Clinical Manager) is a member of the Listener group and can be contacted through this site. Once the chacon has cleared customs, I will be able to mail you the contact number for your Regions Welfare guy.It doesn`t have to be this way, mate. They want to help you.
Please, please, let them.

yours, Aye

Harry