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post traumatic stress disorder

Discussions and general chat about PTSD. Feel free to introduce yourself or if you need help, please reach out and ask.
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El Prez
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PTSD

Post by El Prez »

Hi greyman, check your private message list, please. Aye, Rob
You should talk to somebody who gives a f**k.
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harry hackedoff
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Post by harry hackedoff »

"a journey of one thousand miles begins with the first step"
You just made it. Well done.
One foot after the other, we are here to help

Harry
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ratso
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Post by ratso »

I think Greyman has shown just how much this 20 year anniversary is hitting everyone. With all the films and plays it brings it back in floods of emotion.
I read what he says and remember the time I went through the same process, tablets booze making sure that I was alone for 24 hours no turning back. I still don't know what stopped me other than a dream about my Grandmother telling me I was a silly boy and smilling at me, it was the smile that did it. That was a long time ago and something which Marie tries to understand, how or why she is still with me after all my mood swings I will never know.
This is a very emotional time for us all, and I have to say that it is more important than ever to touch base with those who we have not seen for a long time or even since. The emotional drain is eating away and now we all need our release and a support to help us stay upright.
I had a bad day today F4 commemorative service, I wanted to be there so much, but alas funds are at rock bottom and need to be saved for next week. The Fearless is draining me a bit, ok a lot.
I know one thing tommorrow I will be stronger because I know they would want me to be, so on with the fight.
I really think a few people out there could do with helping me for the release it gives you knowing you are doing something to help everyone understand and remember.
So come on if you have time on your hands this is worth the fight, or do you really believe we did it for it to be forgotten. I now feel the strength of all those who want me to succeed with the Fearless and it helps, and it could help you.
I still cry, I stood at the medal case in the RM Museum and cried, I held my daughter today and cried. Now I know That is strength not weakness because it helps.
Greyman please change your name use your nick name from the Corps and show us you have your pride back even just to be yourself. and Crying helps believe me.
Falklands Veterans Foundation
www.fvf.org.uk www.yomp30.co.uk
Save the Fearless www.hmsfearless.co.uk
Give Her A Home So We Can All Remember
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Nomad
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Post by Nomad »

Greyman welcome home...

I concur with Colin (Ratso) regarding getting involved, I have been running the Civvie-Street site for a long while now and it is small moments like this that make it all worth while :wink: and keep your mind focused.
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Post by Yorkie Malone »

Greyman, Just got in from Ireland (the south) and looked in my email then on here.

Glad that you are starting to do something positive, and Yes Tony thanks for this web site that it brings out ssomething that is hard to achive, and over a great distance.

Tears ... at Haslar you sat in a circle and discussed your and everyones problems, right in the middle was a box of Kleenex ... we all used them, not all the time, but often. Nothing to be ashamed of at all.

I know of 4 of the troop who have problems, and several in the company from FI, and because I have openly spoke about it to the troop they have come to me and asked for help/advice. All freely given cos it don't cost nowt.

The 20th ..... Pat Chapman has about 450 of us getting togther in Arbroath (How we'll all fit in The Central I don't know???) and I'm betting pound to a pinch that it will spark a number of blokes off into the PTSD path.

The mind is a funny thing, and the easiest way I could say it was that it is like a video, you watch the funny/good bits often but not the nasty bits. But when the nasty bits start to show when you haven't pressed the play button, is when it clicks in. And it does it at a time when you are relaxed, ie sleeping, bad dreams, and when pissed, or getting there. Which sends you round for another drink to get off to sleep, but you can't because of the dream, and round we go again.

At least Greyman you have bouts of stopping ... I just used to carry on.

Ireland, cos of the world cup all streets/villages are decked with the Tricolour, I felt as though I had stepped into the wrong area in the north. But it is thier flag and it's something to do with football, nothing to do with the "Troubles". But the mind still went back. I.ve been across several times and this is the first time that I felt a small panick. Took a deep breath and drove to the next stud.

Off the soap box

If you want to ring it's 01822 614030, but tonight (Sat) I have Fat Knaker John Jackson ex HW 42 FI who is first going to see his mate Smudge in Buckland Monacherham graveyard then coming for a meal. So not available after 1830 the pub is next door and open.

SyY
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Post traumatic stress disorder

Post by thegreyman »

Firstly, thank you all for your help and advice, which I have followed.

I told my wife what I attempted and my reasons for trying to take my own life. Of cause she was deeply shocked, hurt, and angry. I also explained that I have a form of mental illness, paranoia and schitsofena. The paranoia was distorting my interpretation of the world in which I live wrongly interpreting things that were said to me or even the way that people look at me. This has caused me to withdraw into a shell and break contact with old friends and relatives and will not allow to make me friends. That is because the Schitofenia part of the illness was preparing my body to inflict irreparable damage on itself, and cause Angela and my so Joe Massive mental damage after they found my corpse.

We agreed that we should visit our doctor the following morning, (yesterday 7th) During the course of the consultation, all three of us were in tears (including the doctor). He immediately diagnosed PTSD and he is planning the best course of treatment for me.

Firstly I need to be able to sleep (I still was up at 4am and 6am after 3 sleeping pills).
I am taking anti-depressants to sort out the damaged chemical pathways in my brain and I am having a blood test to assess potential liver damage.

I have emailed combat stress and attached the postings from this website in order that they may assist my state of mental health.

Friends, I was pushed over the precipice two weeks because I have been suffering from PTSD for years. Its manifestation has been in the form of paranoia which I can so easily see know. Unfortunately, all the danger signs, which I was giving out while still serving as a Colour Sergeant at CTCRM, were ignored by everyone. I used to sit alone in my room and not mix with any of the other SNCO’s, I would order late meals and eat alone. I didn’t attend any mess functions or social activities and was thought to be ‘a bit queer and antisocial.’

During weekends at home I began to breaking down in front of my family, for no reason at all. My wife became so concerned that she telephoned the RSM on a number of occasions telling him that for some reason her husband was under stress and was on the verge of a break down.

I felt that there was disparity in my department in the way that I was dealt with as a SNCO when compared to others. I went so far as to put a redress of grievance against my line manager (a civilian).This resulted in a job change (to keep me quiet and where an eye could be kept on me). This merely fuelled my paranoia as I thought that everyone was talking about my inability to perform my job.

Eventually, I sought medical advice. Firstly, I asked for seeping pills complaining that I was unable to get a nights rest. Finally, I was suicidal and desperate and broke break down in the doctor’s surgery, complaining that unfounded, accusations were being made about me behind my back, and that they were cracking me up. I was sent to the padre, where I again broke down in tears and finally to the welfare SNCO. My claims were investigated but I must have been branded a troublemaker by my boss, so they were ignored.

The result of those cry’s for help to people that should have cared was a comment from the welfare SNCO. “I can read body language and basically you are a liar.’

I thus left the Royal Marines a bitter man, with my paranoia undiagnosed and untreated to feed upon itself and find an outlet in the only thing I had left dear to me. My family! Two years later (by know the whole world is against me and I have to do something desperate to escape because I am once again on the edge of an emotional breakdown and I don’t have the answers as to why I am like this!

The massive overdose didn’t help but where else could I go, when even the doctors, priests, welfare and persons in authority had no ear for my problems or wanted to know the underling cause to my instability?

That is when I once again began to reach out for help and thought of you guys.

Once again thank you all for your help, my recovery won't be a swift one but at least knowing that there are individuals who care and want to help me has given me strength and willpower to recover.
harry hackedoff
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Post by harry hackedoff »

Good effort, Greyman, you`ve just turned a corner in your life.

Fantastic result, just reading your posts again I can detect a brighter tone in your last. Once again, well done, mate.

It would help both of you to sit down and read this thread from page one together. I know that all the regular posters on here have been saying a few prayers for you, (three). For every victim there`s a victim`s familly.

To the silent visitors we all say this:- Greyman has started his journey on the road to recovery, he is taking the first steps, he is talking. He has the support from loved ones, he has the support of all the characters on here. He is talking to someone.

Why don`t you, it`s better than the alternatives.

as ever,
yours,Aye,

Harry Hackedoff
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Post by harry hackedoff »

Since you were a Colour Stripey, why not change your name.
Sometimes it pays to be the greyman, but you aren`t here to show how good you are at R to I, we`re here to talk.
I would suggest "colours" as a more optimistic name.

Once again, well done mate

yours, Aye

Harry
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Post by harry hackedoff »

To end for tonight on a lighter note,
"on to the next stud"
is that what you`ve been doing to give you that "spot", Yorks? :o

And for Rats, go to www.planetgullane.com at the right hand side of the screen, you will recognise a famous sea-farer, click on him, then click on "sing-a-long"

sandy bottoms to all :wink:

Aye,

Harry
Last edited by harry hackedoff on Sat 08 Jun, 2002 11:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Mike
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P.T.S.D

Post by Mike »

Ladies & Gentlemen.
With refference to Ratso,s and Nomad's thread a couple of pages back.
I have a fair amount of time on hand so if anyone out there would like a pair of impartial ears to bash with no strings attached. PLEASE feel free.
E-mail me for my telephone number. I sincerely would like to help
Aye
The Honourable Lord Mike of Loch Borralan
.........................Because I AM Worth IT..xxxx.......Never Mistake Motion for Action
Yorkie Malone
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Post by Yorkie Malone »

To all of you Go back to page one (1) and read the opening or start of this thread.

What really gets right up my nose is that I was also having problems in the Corps, but I used to drink. Just noted as a piss head.

So why read the first item?

It says there are 260 trying to sue MOD. Mainly because there is no care or help to be sort within the services for PTSD.

OK 20 years ago there was a set up but it was not used to it's full potential.

BUT Greyman (sorry Colours!!!) has only left 18 months ago. I went to Haslar in 1992. He asked for help which must have been only 3/4 years ago, but was given a job change!!!

AND YOU WONDER WHY I AM PART OF THAT GROUP GOING FOR SOMETHING????????

His case says it all and it is for this reason that I'm going for it.

Colours, get your doc to send to RM HISTORICAL MED DOCS at RNH HASLAR ...... the reading of the report by the doc who saw you should be a " classic" ...... and personally he failed twice once in his basic duty but more so to you as an individuall. Also but in for a War Pension NOW.. no NOW (see item on WP for numbers etc)

Pissed off and bloody well anoyed and upset by the way you have been treated ....... SSSCCCRRREEAAMMMM.

HH I vist studs all over the contry and in Ireland .... someone has to keep it up???

SyY
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Just like The Grey Man

Post by frankenstein »

I am a regular reader of these posts though never had the bottle to write like " The Greyman". I was nearly suicide No 266, came out in 83 nothing seemed to go right. Got married in 85 this lasted 9 months divorce down to unreasonable behaviour always drunk, solving disputes with fists etc.
87 nearly ended up in prison for fighting, lost job, papers branded me as a "Thuggish ex Royal Marine Commando", shame 4 people decided to try and beat shit out of me.
89 totally had enough casually doused myself in petrol and ignited, in hospital for 7 months, username derives from this due to scars.
92 became a recluse lived in a cow-byre for 18 months only reading books and studying.
94 got a place at University to read Law, again was nearly kicked out for fighting , hitting and asking questions later, as frightened of my own shadow nervous wreck, would shout at people walking behind me in dark, told to get medical help. Thought I could deal with it myself.
Married in 98 to a relly supportive girl who had known what I was like and knew that it was not the real me.
99 thought something was wrong as started self abusing myself and drinking hard, did not want to harm my wife as she asked me if I had remembered what had happened during night, apparently I had tried to attack her with a carving knife. Knew I needed help as did not want to harm or loose my wife.
Went to Doctors was diagnosed as deppresion within 5 minutes told to take tablets for 6 months. Ten days later was completely down the pan, no speech, lethargic. Was sent to see a Psychiatric nurse, fortunately he had had a mate in A company 3 Para, saw classic symptons of PTSD. 2 years we are great friends he has helped me a lot by just listening. Saw a normal shrink recommended a 9 month rehabilitation course in a Psychiatric hospital, but on seein notes pulled me out as reckoned I would be to violent. How else can you change.

I know this goes on a bit, but GreyMan you have taken the best and hardest step by seeking help. 20 years on I am still bitter but not with myself, only with the people who who would not help me, and told me to adopt stiff upper lip, don't cry.
This approach is crap it nearly killed me, now I adopt the attitude that it is fine to cry and let it out, speak to others they may not understand though sharing adoes help.
Wish a site had been available like this 19 years ago, we should not have to deal with things like this in silence.
Never feel ashamed for what you have done, hold your head up, be Proud.
Grey Man all the best
Good Luck
Frankenstein
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ratso
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Post by ratso »

How come RM has no respite home?
Do we just tag onto the RN?
I think somewhere for families to go and have a break where they can seek guidance and help would be a very good thing. I for one still think we are forgotten as soon as they take your ID card away. From The Cradle To The Grave, well it still seems as though the aim is kepp so long as they arn't a problem or have problems, then get shot.
The big problem is that the Corps and most other area of the Armed Forces try to deal with everything in house, they need to learn it just does not work.
I hope that we can see more help for all with more of us getting together as I still hate Doctors. I find it is now easy to talk after airing my dirty linen on here. I find it easy to cry even in public and not be ashamed.
So now here we are, Now where do we go.... I hope ever onward without the tramp of Mr Death taking another by his own hand.
Thanks to all who make this thread what it is and for what it has done so far to bring pride and hope back to a few, lets hope that it continues to inspire and help.
Falklands Veterans Foundation
www.fvf.org.uk www.yomp30.co.uk
Save the Fearless www.hmsfearless.co.uk
Give Her A Home So We Can All Remember
harry hackedoff
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Post by harry hackedoff »

Agree with Frankenstein,
How many times have I said on here that there is no shame and there is no blame?
Rats says the Corps try to deal with it "in house". Well, if "colours" Greyman`s account is any thing to go by, they do a pretty shite job.
I was appalled, as was Yorkie. In spite of everything that is now known about this disease, how can the Corps we all love treat a Senior N.C.O. in such a fashion.
Thank God that he talked to us, because nobody else gave a shite.
I feel ashamed by his treatment. How many more are out there?
Here`s a thought for you. The Ethiopians spend more, per capita, on treating P.T.S.D. than we do. Mind you, we are only the fourth largest economy in the world.

Aye,

Harry Hackedoff
thegreyman
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post traumatic stress disorder

Post by thegreyman »

Hi Again,
I'll just run this one past you, with a question.

Am I paraoid?

A 40+ yr old SNCO visits the MO (Female) and says, 'people are talking about me behind my back and I can't cope,' and breaks down.
Reply - see the Padre:
A 40+ yr old SNCO visits the Padre (known him for years) and says, 'people are talking about me behind my back and I can't cope,' and breaks down.
Reply - see welfare:
A 40+ yr old SNCO visits the Welfare SNCO (his old DL) and says, 'people are talking about me and I can't cope,' and breaks down.
Welfare SNCO says rubbish no one is talking about you behind your back and shut the door when you leave the corps.
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