SA80 - Retained

[Beasta]

According to the BBC site, the SA80 is to be retained. Apparently there will be 'confidence building' exercises in Oman where it will be put up against other rifles to show that the the British military is not getting inferior kit.
Cleaning it wrong indeed.....

[Wully]

I'm sure that all good bootnecks will have no problem in stopping every thirty minutes during a fire fight to strip and clean their SA80!!!!

[Mutley]

Dear Wully,

Thank you for your earlier post, the Minister has asked me to respond to your concerns and clarify the position. We are particularly concerned that an old fart like you would not be as fully informed as our cohesive machine, who are affectionately know as the spin machine.

Our expert advisary body have indeed assured us that cleaning the weapon every 30 minutes is entirely feasible based on the following criteria:

1. We have been assured that following 37 years of researching hollywood films the average firefight lasts no longer than 5 minutes. This is based on the observation that although each man carries 4 magazines, no one changes their magazine, or requests additional ammunition.

2. Any adverse weather conditions - including hot dusty arid climates, freezing cold snowy climates and just plain salty dog climates are always interposed with an advertising break, or a short period of romantic flash-back, giving all concerned sufficient opportunity to change attire. Accordingly as there appears ample time for a costume change and make-up adjustments, it would also enable weapons to receive a quick wipe over with either an oily 'wet wipe' or J Cloth.

3. After each scene is shot all actors return to their air conditioned trailers before moving on to the next scene. Therefore this trailer time is considered to be the most appropriate opportunity to give weapons a thorough clean whilst sufficiently protected from the rigours of the elements.

I understand that the wait of a pull through is entirely dependant on the angle at which the splendid gun is maintained. My advisory panel have also suggested that 4be2 (correctly designate 100 by 50) is likely to refer to the timber used in the construction of gun racks

Ensuring you of our sincerest regards for the splendid chaps on the front line and of the requirements of every labour voter in the country. There has undoubtedly been some bad publicity surrounding this wepon, and so in order to alleviate the concerns of our brave girls and guys in uniform we plan to redesignate the gun. In the future it is likely to be referred to as the Portable Infantry Shooting System 2000.

Please find enclosed details of how you can further the cause by contributing to the Labour Parties Funds.

Yours, as ever,

Signed in abstencia (away on another arms company swan run).
The most junior minister we can find with anything to do for defence.

[El Prez]

It may be worth taking one or two tweenies from MoD out to the next 'Theatre' and asking them to experience the conditions under which extra cleaning of one's weapon is to be conducted. That is if you can get them to stop shitting themselves for a few mins.

[Wully]

Mutley
I bow to your superior knowledge of current weapons. In my day we didn't have a problem with cleaning; used to leave the old boarding pikes to get a bit rusty. That way they were more effective; if the buggers didn't die from the stab wound they died from blood poison.

[harry hackedoff]

Jeez
Not another muzzle loader

Aye( longbow fan, meself )Harry

[El Prez]

Not another muzzle loader

He always has to bring sex into the conversation.

PS anybody care to inform this dippo how to use the 'Quote' facility, I've tried but can't get those little highlighted blocks.

[Mutley]

By the right.

• Select the text to be quoted
  Tup threea
  Highlight selected text
  Tup threea
  Right click
  Tup threea

  Copy

  Return to your post a reply box
  Tup threea
  Right Click
  Tup threea

  Paste

  
  Tup threea
  Highlight quoted text again
  Tup threea
  Hit quote button

Eyes Front

Similarly you can type in text, highlight it and hit whichever function button you want quote/list/bold/italics etc etc, its the same process.

[Mutley]

Ooops, Rob, sorry when I said

Hit quote button

I meant with your cursor / hope your VDU is not too badly damaged

YorkyM I said VDU

[El Prez]

Thanks much.

[dave barrett]

Mutley, you should send your first reply to Wully to a national newspaper, it is worthy of wider distribution, and in a few months might help explain the body bag count!!!
Dave B.

[Wully]

So the SA80 is to stay; MOD reckons there is nothing wrong with the weapon and the number one pongo, General Sir Michael Jackson, says it's an excellent weapon. He went even further and said that in some instances it's performance exceeds expectations. Lets hope that when the troops are in desert operations in Iraq he will be out the front with an SA80 for a personal weapon.

[Rotary Booty]

From your special correspondant
According to the news today all is well with the SA 80. Extensive trials in Oman have proved that it is an outright winner when compared to other similar weapons, ie ones that don't always fire!
Not only that, a booklet is to be issued entitled, 'Hey Royal, this is how you clean the weapon properly'. It is printed on toilet paper so that dual use can be made of it.
This weapon is so good it is now on sale in every market place in Africa, buy one, get one crate free.
Intelligence sources close to the government, (a Downing Street Blur dustbin) have revealed that the plot is this, (and I can only tell you this once because I promised not to repeat it) Saddam is known to be shopping for various bits and pieces in......... Africa. He will jump at the chance of these bargain weapons, and will not be sold the special cleaning instructions. The weapons will not fire, and the SAS will walk unhindered into Bagdad and publish their memoirs. Not only that, Saddam will be fooled into thinking that the 'SA' stands for a missile system made in Russia that the American aircrew enjoyed so much in Vietnam. Wow, a rifle that also homes in on, and shoots down, aircraft.
Hang on.......that sounds like someone smashing in my front door............must go..................."No officer, it couldn't have been me, I was having lunch with Lord Archer at that time."

[sharky]

Liked the bit about memoir publishing Derek.

I think the whole debate on the standard of musketry dished out to the lads would become irrelevant if we could revert to the single combat, winner takes all form of skirmish favoured by our forebears. i.e. any two countries or groups of people with a greivance against each other would put up their leaders to take each other on , winner takes all style. So young Blair would have to go toe to toe with Saddam, no holds barred. Trouble is Saddam would probably win that one and we would end up living in a dictatorial state where the average citizens wishes are ignored.

Um?

Probably won't seem such a good idea when I've sobered up

[Sea Soldier]

Re General Sir Micheal Jackson's comments today,I can but offer this quote ... "Nothing is so good for the morale of the Troops,as occasionally to see a dead General" .... Field Marshall Lord Slim.

So, ... ANY General Officer with 100%,unnerring belief in this weapon (plastic parts by Ann Summers,metalwork by Coca-Cola) ... FIVE paces forward of FEBA ... MARCH !

Ha ... fat chance !

Reminds me of the young Met Pc,on his first riot,when as usual,it all went tits up & he was running for cover,was stopped by a Senior Officer & bollocked ... "Sorry,Inspector",says the lad ... "Inspector,Inspector" ?,says the Brass ... "I'm the Chief Superintendent" ! ... "F@*k me Guv" says the lad "I didn't realise I'd run that far back" !