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Barrack Tales

Discussions about those units who make up the Commando’s.
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Si Capon
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Post by Si Capon »

Si Capon wrote:
Steve Holden wrote:Ahoy there!

Late summer 1986. 40 Cdo RM aboard a Norwegian civvy ferry. The public address system, having been abused, could only be used for official pipes and those sanctioned by the OOD. A very attractive Norgy female officer often read out the pipes in an extemely breathless and seductive accent. One day the following pipe was broadcast by said female. "Attention! All muff divers report to Mike Hunt immediately. I say again. All muff divers report to Mike Hunt immediately. That is all". A few seconds stunned silence around the ship followed by several minutes uproar. Then a very stern pipe from RSM Wright, inviting all junior ranks to muster ASAP. A severe bollocking followed. Apparently the wag who submitted the pipe in the first place had faked the RSM's signature. The culprit??..............

Tommy Cooper Recce Troop. :evil: :evil: :evil:

Yours aye
Steve


Steve

I was on board at the time... as memory serves me, it was preceeded by ;
"Will Corporal P.Ness and R . Sole contact the information desk"


I was a green sprog at the time waiting for one of the on-board lifts to take me to my accomodation deck. I was stood beside the CO & the RSM.
The lift arrives.
THe doors open.
A naked Marine falls out.
His Hands and feet bound together with black Maskers along with a strip over his mouth.
The CO, me and the RSM step over him as though nothing had happened and off we go!

The memory will stay with me forever
Once....................... Always...tup, three
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Si Capon
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Post by Si Capon »

Sorry...no idea how the second copy got up there?? DOH!!! :(
Once....................... Always...tup, three
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El Prez
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Post by El Prez »

Si, at the end of your arms are ten long pointy things, one of them is guilty. Your problem is analysing the process of input to the pooter and then disseminating the info; at what point did the rebellious digit actually rebel? Punishment? Well that's for you to decide, but ten minutes pressed against a boiling kettle usually does the trick. 8)
You should talk to somebody who gives a f**k.
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Post by El Prez »

I've pulled this thread forward so newer members can get a grip with some of the input required for the dits book, equally there's a thread on RSMs. LC ratings may wish to place their historical errors here or on their own thread. Be assurred that the conquering of Spain 2002 will be an enduring entry; as will be that Tosser Straw giving it back within 15 minutes ............pray continue.
You should talk to somebody who gives a f**k.
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Rotary Booty
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Post by Rotary Booty »

This dits book will never see the light of day at this rate!

When I was a mercenary, sorry, Contract Officer, in Oman, we used to fly out to the villages from Muscat and Salalah, and transport the locals to the hospital for treatment. Our crewmen were mainly from Baluchistan, and considering their educational background, their command of the English language was amazing. There were limits though. I had a lad called Moosa down the back on one trip, and when we landed in a village the most gorgeous looking girl climbed in, and we headed back to the hospital. The intercom clicked and Moosa said "Sir, she is very beautiful". I agreed. He then said, "Sir, she is a lesbian". Once I had regained control of the heli, I asked him how he knew that. "Ah Sir, she comes from the Lebanon." :lol: After the trip I was able to explain to Moosa that she was Lebanese, not Lesbian.
[img]http://avanimation.avsupport.com/gif/Snoopy.gif[/img] So far.....so good........but watch your six!
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Post by Sticky Blue »

Parade at Deal of young bandies straight after leave:
One stood there with his cap on and the peak had been chewed by his dog whilst on leave. The inspecting officer spots this and marches over to him.
  • "What happened to your cap lad?"
    "Dog chewed the peak when I was at home sir!"
    "And what are you going to do about it?"
    "Rip its f**king teeth out sir"
Needless to say the DL and RSM could hardly stand
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Post by Sticky Blue »

Guilty!! Yea red hot day as I remember it and we still had to do the gig after all that. Soaked in sweat before we even stepped off was a wonderful experiance! That was also the year that one of the bootie markers fainted on the parade ground. It was so hot all the boots were melting. Bootie went straight down stood perfectly to attention and kissed the concrete of the parade. He stood up after a short time, put his helmet on, picked up his marker flag and stood back to attention with blood streaming from the gash on his chin... RESPECT! It was my first massed bands on parade.
That was the same year one of the Drum Majors (Den Challis I think) was stood very close to a very attractive woman police officer who was sat on her horse. The horse was soaking in sweat in the bright sun and Den looked up at her and said, with genine concern for the horse, "Your horse is sweating a lot love". She looked down and said, as cool as a cucumber "You'd be sweating more than that if you were between my legs Royal!". The massed bands errupted, not that we are known for our sense of humor MUCH.
There was a time, not so long ago, that we were stood in the wings of a theatre. It is habit for buglers to lick their sticks and slide them over their gloves to give them a better grip on the sticks. Painted gloss sticks and cotton is not a good combination so the wetness increases the grip a lot. There was an attractive young usherette stood near us and watching me licking my sticks.
Usherette: "Why do you lick your drum sticks?"
Me: "Because I can't reach my dick!"
It took us quite a long time to stop laughing after that one!
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Post by Artist »

When going out with my future wife I was in the Nurses Quarters at RNH Stonehouse waiting for her to get ready when all of a sudden the shout of "rounds" was heard.

The wife was nowhere to be found so her oppos shoved me into a Wardrobe. (it smelled loverly! Ooooo Nurse!!!) I heard the duty Sister and attached ranks walk into the room.

A few words were spoken then they sussed my coat on the back of the chair. "Whos coat is that then ladies?" One of the girls said it was hers, no good, Sister found me pack of ciggys and me Globe and buster Zippo lighter in the pocket.

"Where is he ladies?"

The door opened and stood before me was the duty Sister.

"OK Royal?"

"Yes Maam"

She closed the door and locked it! Put the key in her handbag and buggered off!

I was in that bloody wardrobe for over an hour! She sent the key back with one of the nurses who lived in the grot. With a note for me saying "Don't do it again Royal!"

Turned out she was married to an RM Captain and had hidden him in similar circumstances when she was a Trainee Nurse!

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Post by Guest »

cracking steve, cracking, and what did you do for an hour? is that where your fetish for womens clothes kicked in? :oops:

we know a nurse don`t we sticky.. :wink:
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Post by Artist »

No, just Nurses Bootneck!

The clothes thing came later but, not by much!

Come on Sticky, tell the tale or bootneck will paste it up in BIG RED LETTERS on the intro thread! You terrible little person you.

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JR
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Post by JR »

:wink: Steve,I've heard of the Lion and the Wardrobe,But Royal and the Wardrobe???,MK1 Trapper!.Aye JR :wink: :wink:
Who needs the World as your Oyster,When you've had the world as your cap Badge
Sticky Blue
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Post by Sticky Blue »

I'll leave it to Bootneck as I was a young imressionable junior at the time. She certainly left an impression as well... Ahhhh J**** :o

Pehaps Bootneck could confirm or deny the story I was told... here are the basic facts as I know:
  • Ford Escort MT car
    Gear stick
    Stone Gym
    Duty driver
Over to you Bootneck.
Drums beating, colours flying and bayonets fixed...
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Post by Artist »

Sticky

Your a bloody coward. so you are!
Spill the beans yon kinky beggar.

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Post by Guest »

Sticky Blue wrote: Duty driver[/list]
Over to you Bootneck.
good job i was a fitter(VM) back to you sticky.(phew)

no, the nurse i(we0 knew, was an ace girl, pity she was dating a bootneck, but she was a great gal. two WRNS and the nurse moved into a house in kingsdown, what a house warming that was.
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Post by Sticky Blue »

PM sent to Bootneck and Artist... rumour or truth; you decide :wink:
Drums beating, colours flying and bayonets fixed...
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