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How do you have "SEX" Underwater wearing a Snorkel

General discussions on joining & training in the Royal Marines.
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Artist
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How do you have "SEX" Underwater wearing a Snorkel

Post by Artist »

Well come on then! Answers on a postcard to:

Who cares, who wins who loses.

Lighten up People!

The Royal Marines is not just about running, yomping and fighting. Humour has a heck of a lot to do with being a Bootneck. Without it you may as well sit back in your chair and plug yourself in.

0430hrs sat on a mountain in Norge. There he is, Mne(s) Dell Tate. Black as the Ace of spades is contemplating his Navel. His Oppo looks at him and says "Dell, you look just like a pint of Guiness" (dew had formed on his head and he did indeed look like a pint of the Orish) Nought to do with racism in any way or means. Dell was an Oppo.

Cyprus 1974: The RAF Police have vehicle check points in operation to stop the Greek National Guard from entering the Sovereign Base Area and getting behind the Turkish Army who had invaded five days before. 40CDORM were tasked to aide them as in four blokes to a VCP. One self important RAF Snowdrop grabs hold of this Stengun he has taken from a G.N.G. bloke. Hurls it into the back of a Land Rover without checking it, Gun goes of and kills the Snowdrop stone dead. A Bootneck witnesses the untimely death of the Ex RAF policeman. Bimbles forward and asked: CAN I HAVE HIS BOOTS? (well they were Aircrewman boots and dead posh and comfy)

Humour in all it's various ways is a definite requirement if you are even contemplating joining Her Majesties Royal Marines. Be you a future Commando or a future Bandsmen. PER MARE PER TERRAM (by horse, by tram)

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El Prez
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Post by El Prez »

My youngest brother tells the tale of one of his gunner mates (rapier battery) who lost the bits that waggle about on the left when a mine went Bam in the Falklands. On the way home this lad produced for sale signs. "One left boot- one left glove etc" 8)
You should talk to somebody who gives a f**k.
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Post by Stix@CTC »

On the subject humor try this one. It seems apt at the moment :wink:


An old man, a boy & a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the
donkey & the old man walked.
As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the
old man was walking & the boy was riding.
The man & boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed
positions.

**
Later, they passed some people that remarked, "What a shame, he makes that
little boy walk."

They then decided they both would walk! Soon they passed some more people
who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride.
So, they both rode the donkey.

**
Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put
such a load on a poor donkey. The boy & man said they were probably right,
so they decided to carry the donkey.
As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal & he fell
into the river and drowned.

**
The moral of the story?

If you try to please everyone, you might as well...
Kiss your ass good-bye.
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Post by Artist »

38 mess HMS Fearless.

Mixed mess eight Bootneck Signallers and the rest Matelot Sparkers and Bunting Tossers. We were at Texall Holland and most of the ships company went for a Run Ashore in Amsterdam during our three day stopover. Whilst there for some daft reason we all bought Non Doctor Vibrators as they were dead cheap.

Later in the Med we decided to have Vibrator Races on the Messdeck. Two Strips of Maskers about 2 foot apart. First vibrator to wobble from one strip to the other strip won. The owner winning a few extra cans of Tennants Lager. Could only race when tied up mind.

The craze caught on and finally we had inter Mess Deck races. And by this time large amounts of money were bet on the outcome of these races. The death Knell arrived when the Captain did rounds and entered C1 messdeck to witness a 100 odd Bootnecks and Matelots placing bets on the next race.

By this time the vibrators had been painted up, souped up. The best ones had to be hidden away in case other messdecks tried to Kidnap them as a lot of money was bet on these bloody things! DRO's the next day read summut like "The racing of Vibrators is banned until futher notice" may sound surreal but when your stuck on one of the Grey Funnel Line Ships for any length of time stupid daft things like this would keep you SANE?!? :D

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Post by markthestab »

Artist wrote:
Whilst there for some daft reason we all bought Non Doctor Vibrators as they were dead cheap.



Artist
:lol: the navy's like the army in that respect then, you always have to buy your own stuff as the issued stuff just doesnt cut it :wink:
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Post by Guest »

I never did figure out how you had sex underwater Artist, it doesn't say it anywhere on the thread :( .
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Post by Doc »

Non Doctor Vibrators as they were dead cheap
you trying to say Im expensive....Im doing two for one this month :o
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Post by flighty »

StinkyFurby wrote:I never did figure out how you had sex underwater Artist, it doesn't say it anywhere on the thread :( .
Oh dear. Stinky, you are treading on very dangerous ground. :o

I'm off ....... :roll:

Jayne.
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Post by Artist »

Stinky

I'll let you know when your Balls Drop. OK?

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Post by Hostage_Negotiator »

No not that!
Image

THESE!
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Post by KiwiBen »

Having a laugh is probably the reason of this thread, good god! My friends were wondering why I was rolling around the floor laughing :lol: I must say I'm impressed with the nailed nuts on the back bumper, I belive they are available from www.bumperballs.com

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Post by Artist »

Nail on the head KiwiBen

This Forum is not just for questions about Joining the Corp it's also a place where Loons like me can have a laugh with Oppos.

Humour is a must be you in training or in a unit. Nought more depressing than having to share a grot with a bunch of Hacked of Bootnecks. There will always be one or two Loons willing and able to lighten the atmosphere.

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