Great Quotes.Any others?
Posted: Sat 20 Sep, 2003 3:21 am
I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered.
But not pleased to read the description in the catalog.
"No good in a bed,but fine up against a wall".
(Eleanor Roosevelt).
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending and having the two as close together as possible.
(George Burns).
Santa has the right idea-visit people only once a year.
(Victor Borge).
Be careful when reading health books.You may die of a misprint.
(Mark Twain).
What would men be without women?Scarce,sir mighty scarce.
(mark Twain).
My wife is a sex object-every time I ask for sex,she objects.
(Les Dawson).
By all means marry:If you get a good wife,you will be happy;
If you get a bad one,you will become a philosopher.
(Socrates).
I was married by a judge.I should have asked for a jury.
(Groucho Marx).
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech-
every now and then she stops to breathe.
(Jimmy Durante).
The male is a domestic animal which,if treated with firmness and kindness,can be trained to do most things.
(Jilly Cooper).
I never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
(Zsa Zsa Gabor).
Only Irish cofee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups:
Alcohol,caffeine,sugar and fat.
(Alex Levine).
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living.The world owes you nothing.It was here first.
(Mark Twain).
Money can't buy you happiness,but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
(Spike Milligan).
What's the use of happiness?It can't buy you money.
(Henny Youngman).
I'm very pleased to be here.But let's face it,at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.
(George Burns).
Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.
(Herbert Henry Asquith).
The secret to staying young is to live honestly,eat slowly and lie about your age.
(Lucille Ball).
I don't feel old-I don't feel anything until noon.Then it's time for my nap.
(I thought that was Andy O but it's Bob Hope)
A woman drove me to drink-and I hadn't even the courtesy to thank her.
(W.C.Fields).
it only takes me one drink to get drunk.Trouble is,I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
(George Burns).
Those are my principles,if you don't like them....I have others.
(Groucho Marx).
Wholley.
But not pleased to read the description in the catalog.
"No good in a bed,but fine up against a wall".
(Eleanor Roosevelt).
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending and having the two as close together as possible.
(George Burns).
Santa has the right idea-visit people only once a year.
(Victor Borge).
Be careful when reading health books.You may die of a misprint.
(Mark Twain).
What would men be without women?Scarce,sir mighty scarce.
(mark Twain).
My wife is a sex object-every time I ask for sex,she objects.
(Les Dawson).
By all means marry:If you get a good wife,you will be happy;
If you get a bad one,you will become a philosopher.
(Socrates).
I was married by a judge.I should have asked for a jury.
(Groucho Marx).
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech-
every now and then she stops to breathe.
(Jimmy Durante).
The male is a domestic animal which,if treated with firmness and kindness,can be trained to do most things.
(Jilly Cooper).
I never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
(Zsa Zsa Gabor).
Only Irish cofee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups:
Alcohol,caffeine,sugar and fat.
(Alex Levine).
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living.The world owes you nothing.It was here first.
(Mark Twain).
Money can't buy you happiness,but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
(Spike Milligan).
What's the use of happiness?It can't buy you money.
(Henny Youngman).
I'm very pleased to be here.But let's face it,at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.
(George Burns).
Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.
(Herbert Henry Asquith).
The secret to staying young is to live honestly,eat slowly and lie about your age.
(Lucille Ball).
I don't feel old-I don't feel anything until noon.Then it's time for my nap.
(I thought that was Andy O but it's Bob Hope)
A woman drove me to drink-and I hadn't even the courtesy to thank her.
(W.C.Fields).
it only takes me one drink to get drunk.Trouble is,I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
(George Burns).
Those are my principles,if you don't like them....I have others.
(Groucho Marx).
Wholley.
)
" William Clinton
" Haveto Krackabigun, Mayor of Nagasaki.