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Hi, I'm Kerry. I currently live in the Czech Republic with my husband and 2 kids but we are all British.

My son is 14 (15 in Sept) and has been talking about joining the army for quite a few years now. I haven't paid much attention over the last few years as he was too young but now I am starting to look into it all for him. He wants to join as soon as he finishes school in 2 years, which I suppose I support. If i'm honest i'd rather he wait until he's 18 but I can't see the point in stopping him for the sake of the 15 months he'll have to wait until he's 18.

However, my son is the laziest, most absent minded teenager I have ever known. He is very bright but, does next to no work at school. We had a note from the teacher just the other day saying that he's not going to meet his target in maths and that when the teacher spoke to him about it, he just shrugged his shoulders and said he didn't care about maths. Surely this shouldn't be the attitude of someone who wants to join the army.

He forgets EVERYTHING. He can't even perform simple, daily duties like emptying the bin with out having to be reminded 3 or 4 times a week. Everything he does do is done as quickly as possible and very half heartedly. For example, once a week he's asked to wash the bins (they are small bins) yet every week he has to be told AT LEAST 5 times to do it and then 9 times out of 10 he has to be told to do it again because he's briefly rinsed them and they are not clean.

I can't understand how he thinks he's going to get on in the army. He has a terrible attitude at home. If I ask him to tidy his room he tells me it's his room and he should be able to do what he wants and that he doesn't like it being tidy. He does it eventually but it's a battle every time with him.

I asked him this morning what he was going to say to his sargeant when he's told his room/area/bed is a mess and he just said that it wouldn't be a mess because he would tidy it.

He hates being told what to do, he can't follow simple orders (for want of a better word) and he thinks, as a child, he has rights to make decisions about things he can and can't do, saying "it's my life, it's up to me etc". His attitude towards school is that he doesn't care and he says it's up to him, it's his decision not to work.

The army is going to kill him, I feel he won't last a week. Is there anyone who can offer adivise on how to make him realise that he needs to work and needs to wake up a bit and see that his attitude towards everything and everyone needs to change.

Sorry to go on but I really am pulling my hair out with him.

Kam

Well you have just described every recruit I have every seen come through the system. Its very strange how kids turn up and Grown ups leave. If he wants this then he will do what he has to do. Military discipline and an end goal will either make him or break him. Let him go for it if he doesnt make it then it wasnt for him.
Drop us a line the first time he gets leave comes home puts the kettle on and shoves his clothes in the washer without being asked.

Good luck with it all

Kam

You've just described my son to a tee... and most of his mates... and they're all 19 for gawds sake!! I think it's something to do with a recent mutation of the Y chromosome!! Apparently it's only manifested itself in boys and has become gradually worse since teachers were banned from smacking pupils around the back of the head with blackboard dusters and pieces of chalk..... This mutation blocks the nerve path to the brain and prevents messages like 'Tidy Up' or 'Help Around the House' or 'Consider Personal Hygiene Important' from getting through.....

Anyway my son is wanting to join up too... He's currently (Tuesday) on his pre-ADSC (a one day course where they go through some of the physical tests etc so the recruiters can assess whether he's 'ready' or not). We haven't heard from him yet so will find out later today how well prepared he's been. Part of me wants him to get in 'as soon as' so that some good old fashioned military discipline can be beaten into him and he will hopefully buck his ideas up.

However, another part of me wants him to cock this stage up..... He's had EVERY opportunity to be fully prepared and shine for this pre-course and to leave the assessors stunned! I'm ex-military so can advise. I contribute to various forums so know exactly what he should be doing. I've been going out running with him and encouraging him to do more to prep for the physical tests. You name it, I've been able and on hand to help in any way he wants.... But he wants to do it his own way.. And that way involves minimal effort... Perhaps that's where I've been going wrong... I've been doing it all for him.

If he cocks it up, I'll be on hand to shrug my shoulders and say "Do you want my help this time?"

I'd pull my hair out too if I had enough spare.... It's not just you....




However as MSI64 infers, the military is well drilled in turning boys into men. If they get through the door in the first place there must be SOMETHING there that can be worked on. Recruits are 'encouraged' to sort themselves out so that they can achieve the goals set. If the only reason someone joins up is to 'get away from home and earn some money' they won't last long. They've got to REALLY want to stick at it through all the rubbish that goes with the job too.. and that is what helps turn them from grumpy teenagers to men you can be proud of!!

Good luck whatever happens

Kerry, you may want to ask your son which part of the Army he wants to join. If its infantry then his academical quals don't need to be too high, however if he wants to join a more specialist Unit he will need to get decent grades. May be worth pointing that out to him..

Kerry from the way you describe your Son he sounds like excellent officer material. Absent minded, Lazy ok he may have to work on his grades a bit but anything is possible.

When i joined the Army it certainly sorted me out i think i was the same, Lazy untidy didnt like discipline....Blow me it was a culture shock but it did me the World of good and i survived 22 years.

Asked if i would do it again then my answer would be Hell No...but i did enjoy my time.

That sounds exactly like me when I was that age, and my younger brother (who is that age now).

Unfortunately there's not much that you can do but to put up and fight through it. Sad, but true. Boys that age will do anything but that which they are told.

The Army is sure to kick him up the arse and will spit out a man when they are finished, but even on civvy street, as much as getting a job could help him mature (at least a little) to the point where he isn't so hard to deal with.