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ok, had to post this, and in so doing, have broken my self imposed curfew.

during the bank holiday weekend, i ventured down to the west midlands safari park at bewdley, near kidderminster. We arrived at approx 10:30, and joined the que, just like lemmings waiting to launch themselves over the cliff edge, (its just a rumour) we eventually got into the park, and crawled round the road inside, watching the animals mincing up to cars, waiting for their daily handout of free food. Talk about laugh, my sides were splitting, some of the cretins, ( the big white hunters) cringing when the emu, ostrich, deer, wilderbeast, camels, lama`s and just about anything else that fancied free scran, came over to their cars. Windows were wound up el rapido, kids who were hanging out of sunroofs and windows couldn`t get in and shut them quick enough. One family, who`s asian son was stood up, and trying to feed the animals through the sunroof, kept reeling back every time and ostrich came for the freeby food, and as the kid reeled back, all the food fell into the car, this provided great entertainment as the said ostrich tried in vain to get its neck into the car to retrieve the pellets of food. we eventually got to the gated enclosures, where the wild dogs, lions, and white lions lived, seperated by even more gates and electric fencing laid on the deck. Tigers were caged, and people qued to glimp them,Camels, lama`s wilderbeast and an assortment of different types of antelope/deer/buffalo minced around the park along with the six white rhino`s, (more of those later) further round we encounted the giraffes, bending right down to retrieve their meagre offerings. Watching the elephants, ( four of them) roaming their enclosure, one ventured up to the top of the hill, and decided it was time for a piss, the only way i can discribe this, is having seen the torrent of water deposited onto Boscastle, this elephant must have escaped that day, made its way up onto the moor, and unloaded its bladder there. eventually coming out of the safari enclosure, we made our way to fill our faces with scran, venturing round the park, we encountered the recently born, (25th may) white tiger cubs, there was also a newborn hippo,( i was going to put baby hippo, but do adults give birth to adult hippo`s? ) there were snakes, gators, spiders and all manner of bugs, and a guy from the discovery channel, (Mark O`Shea) was giving a lecture on snakes and their venom etc, very interesting. later that afternoon, we decided we would thin out, and make our way home, but on looking over to the safari enclosure, saw that it was virtually empty, and made the decision to go round again. we proceeded at a leisurely pace, and was reaching the end,( by this time all the animals were being rounded up, and put in their respective night enclosures) we got to the site where the giraffes were housed, and the six rhino`s were congregating in an unorderly fashion, two of them headbutting each other, and sword fighting with their horns. this is where the fun started, the rhino with its fat arse towards us, and about 40 feet away, was obviously the looser, and decided he didn`t want to go to bed on a loosing streak, this is when he turned about, head down, and started to trot towards the car.....MY CAR! wifey, and the girls in the back went into panick mode, as this farking great beast, (not the site administrator) decided we were its next opponent. i took my foot off the brake, and started to roll down the hill, the rhino came round the corner of the giraffe enclosure, and started to close on us, select 2nd gear, and take her up to 20~25 mph, big beast still closing, and head still down, a bit more throttle and take her up to 30 mph, big thing still coming, 35 mph, and about 100 yds later, the thing in the mirror has given up the ghost, and turned on his/her heels,and mincing back to his/her oppo`s, claiming victory over the metal man made object, more commonly known as, my car. Little does he/she know, that when i go back again, i`ll be in my articulated vehicle, and i`ll be dropping her down a gear, and going for ramming speed. all in all, a cracking day out, and a bit more excitement thrown in to boot.

Reminds me of the time I took the kids to Windsor Safari Park.
Had just bought a brand new Simca estate prior to a posting in Berlin.
We joined the queue and were driving through the monkey enclosure,we stopped a few yards behind the car in front when this bloody baboon came round the back of the car and started to unscrew and tear apart the rear lights, another one jumped on the bonnet of another and ripped the wipers off. I thought "my new car", I don't think I ran over any as I overtook everything and got out of there quick.
When we got to the main gate I noticed a large bin at the side of the road, it was stuffed with bits off cars.

At my Aunties place in Durban she had a couple of hudge trees in the back garden.home to about 16 monkeys who used to terrorise her ford cortina daily and us kids swimming in the pool. they can make loads of noise and when 15 of em rush you it can be a little tense.They also had a favorite game of throwing left overs from the trees ,unfortunatly the pool was right there near the two trees so guess who was the target.

Roffle!
I used to go to a Safari Park in Germany, it was always fun to watch the monkeys tear the tour buses and expensive cars to shreds from the comfort of our knackered old banger, which for some reason never seemed to attract the cavalcade of chimpesque destruction. Perhaps they thought they couldnt wreck our car any more?

You cant keep away can you bootneck.

You know you want to stay...............................

MM

Hey Bootneck

Those tablets you are taking to stop you posting on MF seem to have had the opposite effect, and given you literary diarrhoea!

You haven't produced a post as long as that in centuries; and only one 'farking'...... most impressive.

Is this now a competition with Artist to see who can quit the forum the most times, and in doing so generate the most 'Don't do it, we love you' posts?

I knew you wouldn't be able to stay away Trev, it's compulsive.

Aye, Derek

Rotary... I think that Andy O'Pray has beaten this lot hands down.....so far. You can always find him sculling about Once A marine site tho
Aye
Mike

Ex zoo keeper here. Animals are a great part and love of my life.
I enjoyed your post bootneck on here and the others.
Speaking of West midland Safari Park, I was visiting that park myself just a few months ago for the first time in years. I'm very familiar with Mark O'shea as I watch the Discovery Channel a lot on cable tv, which has got some brilliant wildlife documentaries and other subjects including the Military of course.

When I first visited West midland Safari Park a few years ago with my other half there used to be a lot of Rhesus Monkeys, which would descend on the cars passing through the enclosure. Ours was no exception and we watched in horrified fascination whilst these little 'monkeys' slowly but deliberately dismantled our windscreen wipers!
The gargage we drove into on the way home for repairs guessed immediately where we'd been visiting.

Sadly the whole troup of Rhesus Monkeys at West Midland and a couple of other Safari Parks were put to sleep because a few contracted (I think it was Hepatitis), which of course can be passed on to humans.

I live not to far away from Knowsely Safari Park. Last year my mum and younger brother went there for the day. Later on, my brother phoned the house and told my dad that the car (a Ford Focus) had been hit by a rhino. My dad just laughed it off, thinking that he was having a laugh. An hour later, my mum arrived home and was shaking like mad and couldnt put together a sentance. It turned out that two rhinos were having a fight and one of them walked backwards towards the car. There was no room for my mum to drive, because of cars infront and behind, and the rhino actually walked into the side of the car just infornt of the passanger side door. My borther was sitting there and, shitting himself, jumped straight into the back of the car. My mum started to panic and just put her hand on the horn so that the park keepers came to sort things out. They got out safely but the car was dented in at the sides, the wing mirror and window were gone and the door became stuck in place. If my brother stayed were he was he would have probably got cut quite a bit by the glass. Luckily the park owners offered to pay for the damage otherwise the insurance company would have never believed it.

Apparantly, getting hit by rhinos is quite common although they usually just brush against the side of the car. I just couldnt stop laughing although my mum was shocked for a few days afterwards. About a month later a lorry took off the same wing mirror and scratched the entire side of the car on a main road. That didnt bother her as much as getting hit by a rhino and she hasnt been back since. I even offered to take my borther there during the summer holidays but he didnt want to back either, at least in anything but a tank and I only drive a fiesta.

Rotary Booty wrote:Hey Bootneck
Those tablets you are taking to stop you posting on MF seem to have had the opposite effect, and given you literary diarrhoea!
You haven't produced a post as long as that in centuries; and only one 'farking'...... most impressive.
Is this now a competition with Artist to see who can quit the forum the most times, and in doing so generate the most 'Don't do it, we love you' posts?
I knew you wouldn't be able to stay away Trev, it's compulsive.
Aye, Derek

Harhar got you there, hasn't he, you c*nt? Hee hee hee

Mince....

Have a warning for that last post of yours.
Somewhat uncalled for me thinks...and I won't accept any form of excuse for it

Flight delayed from Kenya, so they took us on a coach to Niarobi National Park.
We had been driving around for quite a while and the only animals we seen were in the distance so we asked the driver if he could get closer to of them. It was a hot day [not that it mattered] so we had a "few" beers on board.
The driver told us to be quiet and cruised down this track and there was a semi circle of cars and in front of them a lion and lioness. It didn't take long before we got bored whatching them, when suddenly the lion gets up and gives the lioness "one". There was a bloody great cheer from the coach and the and the two were last seen heading for the horizon.
The people in the cars were not impressed, apparently they had been waiting for hours for the event.
I think I seen more animals at Windsor than I did in Kenya.