Charvers -
WITHIN MINUTES of arriving in Newcastle you will encounter the legendary Geordie hospitality, when a complete stranger approaches you with his right hand extended. "Lenz a tab," he’ll say.
You have made a pal, and he is suggesting you cement the friendship with the long-term loan of a cigarette. You, in turn, are obliged to lend him one.
This routine will happen every time you venture out in Newcastle. So if you don’t smoke, now’s a good time to start.
The ‘friendliest’ types are young lads wearing colourful sportswear and a "nippa" behind their ear, who sound as though they’re talking through their left nostril.
When he says "Lenz a tab," you will reply "nee bother, charver." He’ll be sure to look out for you in future.
He may have a female with him. She’ll also be wearing sportswear, dripping with gold-coloured jewellery. The fringe of her yellow hair will have been carefully sprayed over a coke tin until it’s twice the size of her head. She is known as a Kappa Slapper – or "me bewer."
In this case you will offer two cigarettes. And if you’re feeling particularly gregarious, add the words "bet she gans like the clappaz." Your wit will be noted.
Now that you understand this easy piece of etiquette, why not try it yourself?
Simply walk up to a stranger in a bar or on a bus, lean close to their face, and say the words:
"Lenz a tab."
Better still, try it on everyone you pass in the street – you’ll be surprised at the interesting situations this can lead to.
And you’ll know when you’ve met a true kindred spirit, when they reply "Ah was ganna ask yee."
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