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You could be right Flo, I lent over THE BUGGER and asked him if he wanted another wet, he opened his eyes, lifted his head and with a scowl said "COURSSSSSE I FAKKKKKKIN DO".

So maybe it was just a PITSTOP.

JWT

When you sit beside a homeless man with a guitar for an hour learning songs off him, oiii wheres me wallet?

dalo wrote:When you sit beside a homeless man with a guitar for an hour learning songs off him, oiii wheres me wallet?

Hahaha what happened there Dalo?

Mine would be having hazy recollections the next day of performing some really camp dance routine like "The Timewarp" or the Macarena to try and impress.

Oie wernt that farking Pissed JWT!!!

You know your pissed when you decide to take an Oppo whos come all the way over from New Zealand to pay you a visit to the local Whoofters Bar after a fair few Wets in your favorite Bar. Your stood there with said Oppo and "Pete the Poof" and his Bumchums start dripping because you are getting in the way whilst stood at the bar swinging a lamp with said Oppo.

Your Oppo turns to the "Chums" and suggests that they turn a bar stool over so four can sit on the same stool at the bar. Oppo and Yourself Giggle like Eijuts at the utter WIT of this wonderful statement. Your then asked by a member of the barstaff to shift. So you, your Oppo and his wife sit your arses down near to the piano player and keep bumbing into the piano making the piano player cockup the notes......Then you and your Oppo decide to "Lighten" the atmosphere and you both start singing:

The Grand Owd Duke Off York.
He had Ten thousand men.
And if he'd have had the energy
He'd have had them all again!
And Again, and again..............ad nauseum.

Your Oppos wife is at this stage in Tears.............Of laughter. You and your Oppo then ask "Pete the Poof" and his Bumchums if they shits concave or convex turds. And what are they all? Givers or a Takers?

By this stage you know full well that your time in the bar is numbered as the Boss of the bar politely askes you to vacate his premises. Onwards to another bar and on with the daftness. Oppos wife by this stage has nearly wet herself so you behave in the next bar whilst she goes and "Powders Her Nose"

Finally you say Goodnight to your Oppo and his Wife, point them in the direction of their Hotel and decide to catch a bus home. Buses are long stopped so you wake up a mate and Zonk out on his Sofa. The next Morning the by now nearly an Ex Mate wants to know "Why the Hell did you Piss in the sink of dishes and just what was that bloody horrendous noise that woke up the entire house at four in the morning?" You say Sorry, sorry, sorry and offer to clean the dishes.

Halfway though cleaning them you throw up into the Bowl and have to start all over again. Then you have to turn to at the Canal to start work on some Blokes Pride and Joy. To wit a brand new 60 foot canalboat. You are two hours late, and have the look of a Zombie from "Shaun of the Dead". Nice bloke asks if you would like a wet at ten in the morning as you look a tad Poorly...........ENDEX!!!! Cue another day of being silly.

Artist

GGHT wrote:

dalo wrote:When you sit beside a homeless man with a guitar for an hour learning songs off him, oiii wheres me wallet?

Hahaha what happened there Dalo?

Mine would be having hazy recollections the next day of performing some really camp dance routine like "The Timewarp" or the Macarena to try and impress.

It happened years ago well basically it was a case off me listening whilst he was 'teaching me' then i noticed that the bulk in my pocket had gone missing so i can kindly asked "ooi wheres me wallet" then he kindly gave me it back acting if it was a joke, which the state i was in almost fell for it, lucky i didnt 'press charges' on him with his guitar .

flo wrote:[quote="Jobag

lol: Good one flo....never thought of it that way. Its always great gobbing off to your mates afterwards about who's girl was bigger

.

Yep, us girls have a similar kind of conversation

Go, flo!!

Jayne x

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without hanging on.

You are walking down union street in the early hours eating the tastiest burger that ever passed your lips. seeing a reggie lifting the oppo you have spent the night (but somehow lost) getting shiters with, throwing said 1/4 pound cheeseburger at said POREG and the only regret you feel in the back of the reggie van is that you lobbed your big eats at the baldy twonk!!

You attempt to ring a girl you're seeing to tell her how you feel ("I love you, no, really I do! More than anything in the world! More than this beer in my hand!") but dial a wrong number and have a 2 hour conversation about the difficulty of relieving yourself under the influence.

Meh. Or is that just me?!

When you get in off the pish in downtown Toronto and upon entering the drill hall which must be crossed to get to the pits, see a bunch of kraut fallschrimjaeger or whatever they're calling themselves nowadays, and deciding the best possible course of action to take with these dear NATO allies is to goose march or at least attempt to the rest of the way, whilst you look around and see all the lads approving smiles and hear their laughter, which only encourages you further. Then seeing the same bunch of jerry the next day and watching them point figners at you all day and try their hardest to make looks kill. When whilst on the same exchange in canada out in a posh bar on some roof terrace, loads of lovely birds, decide that it will absolutely impress everyone to start taking the mick out of the canucks about being 'ours really' and the country being on loan to them etc. Invading some student pub in the middle of a load of fraternity houses in toronto and being told to be quiet because we were waking up these supposedly big partying frat people. Getting into bed after a 'german night' bash, 15 notes for all the booze you could drink, conservative estimates say 5 steins i think it was 6 or maybe 7, going to sleep, then waking up in the morning to be greeted by a pyramid ofthe most vile smelling and looking puke staring back at me from on my matress, ive never smelt anything worse. Enough for now.

You had a drink with a dead snake in it and then realise 10 mins later your bodily functions are not yours Maannnnnn was I Ill

Thing is you dont always know that your drunk, but sometimes know you have been very drunk when your lying in your pit at midday feeling like crap when an oppo walks in to tell you the police are at the main gate asking for me by name and do I know where all the flags from outside the ford garage have gone to! oh and do I realise that urinating on a public highway was a criminal offence especially as the cars had to stop incase they ran me over



Oh and when you get dressed to go visit the officers, you stink of piss and vomit and theres a size 18 thong in your pocket


plus both eyebrows have been shaved off and theres a traffic cone in your locker




.........and your in the wrong camp, and it isnt your room after all with the damp patch up against the window

When I woke up this morning with a t-shirt stating 45 commando and on the back running the guantlet every day! Gen dit


I didn't even go out with any bootnecks last night

Is it a Route Irish T-Shirt from the Baghdad support unit?

You know your "Under the Weather" when you insist on the disco bloke playing the Bay City Rollers at full chaff and you then commence dancing on your tod to the stuff whilst watching the love of your live storm out of the Pub in total embarassment.

At the same time you are shouting to Doc "Get the wets in you tight gett!!!" And all the civvies are looking at you as if your from the planet ZOG!

And that was only a few weeks ago. "Owd Bootnecks never die they just get dafter"