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dave_n wrote:i get a sore arse after to many sit ups. used a bit of sudocrem and voi-la (sp) all is good!

You ever had Babies????

For 18 months after delivering my little paratrooper I could not sit square in the bath or sit on a hard chair.

I also had 39 stitches inserted into my nether regions.

Men?????

Couldn't give birth to a Jelly Baby!!!!!

Jayne xx

lol

doc - i didnt really get your post, but then i have had a fair ammount of wets tonight but yeah, i do get runners trots but only on long runs - the other night was a quick 4 miler.

Flighty

lol

childbirth is like recompense for us blokes for having to do all sorts of wierd stuff to please you women

like - putting the seat down - WHY? you girls have to sit down - gravity takes care of that - so surely over the course of MANY, MANY years of putting that toilet lid down we burn up millions of calories hence shortening our lifespan - maybe if we didnt then we would live as long as women? Just a thought

Ok Mojo I will translate for the alcoholically impaired (pissed)

Change your washing powder, trim not shave your arse, apply some cream such as sudocrem, if you have a large arse that is prone to friction then trim down, if your thin then apply more cream. If your arse twitches during runs then eat sooner, or nip over the hedge and squeeze one out using a leaf or grass to wipe away klingers.

that should sort your dodgy arse out bud, oh and giving leroy and his assortment of butt plugs 2 weeks off should help in the healing!




could always try brufen if the above fails?

jesting aside do what is said in the first paragraph and you should be ok, I get loads of saddle sores from biking and must admit over the years as my arse has toughened the sores have decreased. I do miss putting a needle in a large ball of puss situated in the crack of my ass. I also miss sitting on the saddle after standing whilst climbing and feeling a large sore burst and leak into my shorts. Oh happy days! If you shave and have an ingrowing hair you could end up with a perianal sinus which is not pleasent and may require surgery to remove it.


As your still pissed.................read again tomorrow.

And Flighty

Im sick of women bleating on about childbirth.

Us men have to trap you, buy you the wets, be all nice and refrain from farting picking ones nose etc c@#t your wed, then we put up with the mood swings, bizarre requests for ornaments, shopping trips , dinner with the in-laws etc, perform hours of oral sex until you are ready and then put up with numerous climaxs and complaints if we cum too soon. Then the post shag conversation and debates on what colour to paint the lounge. The refusal of the woman to perform oral sex, take it up the poo-tube and not dressing in that schoolgirl uniform and stripper heals you were bought and inviting your bessy mate for a threesome.

Then you finally get up the duff and all hell breaks loose, and you are pampered during your spells of alternating pyschotic moments and tears, eating coal and mustard and constant scans, pre-natal classes and shopping for prams. You then get to lie down and squeeze abit and then spend months depressed and what you have squeezed out turns into the devil incarnate as it shits screams and prevents any future shags.

At which point you find out about the affair and get all stroppy again.

When the brat finally leaves home the woman is usually so minging she is the last thing anyone would shag unless youve had 20 pints and knocked her out.

So come on then I dare you to argue women get it easy.








Im know emigrating to another planet, alternate reality and changing my sex.

I was only joking!!!!!!

Mr Mojo Doo Dah .....

Which weird stuff might that be then?

Am I missing out on things which only selected individuals are party to?

I doubt it.

I can do 'weird' as well as anyone can.

Jayne x

Doc,

Bitter and twisted individual that you are.

Kettle's on and the bacon is under the grill.

Aunty Jayne awaits your presence.

fark it as Im now unemployed I may pop up this weekend

god help the bacon.

I think i have trod on a females toes

sorry mate

Mojo..... I have had far heavier weights than you step on my toes.

Doc ....... you know where I live.

Get yer ass here, git!!

The lad is here till Monday ....... loads of sport to be had!!!!

Fark....... just lit the wrong end of me fag!

Jyne jayhnermmm jyne jany

No excuses accepted.

Doc ....... you are booked into no 6 this weekend. B&B is very reasonable.

And you have the added attractions of the Folk Festival!!

(OK .... yawn ...... don't do much for me, either ....... much prefer 50 Cent ......... but it's an excuse to get PISSED!!!

Jayney xxxx

Wimmin bang on about the pain etc of having babies. I say it is evolution at its best. Us males (superior species) realised how much aggro the process involved so evolved it out to weaker species; females.

Also, they deserve it.

Wimmin; snakes with tits!!

Regards

ss

PS Can I have a bacon sarny too Flighty?

Blimey, there are 'issues' a-plenty with youse lot, innit?

Mr Stress, your doorstep is ready and waiting ........ crusts off and ketchup on (was that a good guess?)

Anyone else who is wanting a day or two at 'Aunty Jayne's Therapeutic Community for the Bitter, Twisted and Bewildered' had better stop off at Tesco's for supplies.

And men say that we girlies have problems.

Jayne x

Ma'am I am a true blue Southerner and did not know that sandwiches came with crusts on!! Tomato ketchup is fine thank you. Please may I have a sausage split in two laid in the bread as well?

Where in the UK is NO.6?

Regards

ss

PS I take it the bread is whole grain and the meat is organic and free range?

But of course.

I bake my own bread every morning and have a collective noun of Gloucester Old Spots rummaging round the undergrowth at no 6 which I slaughter myself every Autumn. Every bit used bar the squeal.

My pig-snout-and-innard sausages are renowned the length and breadth of the street.

And visitors to no 6 are always impressed with the hand-crafted pig-blubber soap in my bathroom. Shines your bits and pieces up a treat but unfortunately makes you pong like a side of bacon.

No 6 is situated just outside a charming little town called Crewe.

Jayne x