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Posted: Sun 19 Feb, 2006 4:01 pm
by harry hackedoff
Watch and shoot?
Reverse and Kill, more like
You couldn`t write this stuff could you
Go and have a drink you two, and get well soon, Opps
Posted: Mon 20 Feb, 2006 2:14 pm
by flighty
Well, the 'nice' lady at Norwich Union has just interrogated me for twenty minutes and I am a jibbering wreck!
Why did I not phone before? I
did bloody phone on Saturday but as the house phone was on mute and the geezer on the other end couildn't hear me I gave it up as a bad job and left it till the daughter put the phone right.
What is the I'M A SCAMMER SPAMMER!!! made of? How the fark should I know?
What is the damage to the hob? It's farked!
Have you treid to clean up? Yes, a bit, so's we can actually eat. Oooooh, you shouldn't have done that. It needs specialist attention. You've probably made it worse.
Attila the Hen or what?
Going for a lie down in a darkened room.
''Quote me happy?'' My arse!
Jayne x
Posted: Tue 28 Feb, 2006 7:44 pm
by flighty
So, the loss adjustor finally made it round after a week and a half of us living in Dracula's cave.
Not one nook, not one cranny was left uninspected. Oooh, the embarassment.
(Made me feel better when she confessed to pulling the curtains when the window cleaner calls.)
Anyway, upshot is, she was horrified that we had been left in such a state and has kicked ass on my behalf.
Sounds as if we will be professionally cleaned from top to bottom, redecorated throughout, carpets cleaned and if the burned units can't be cleaned / matched up, new I'M A SCAMMER SPAMMER!!!!
And apparently it
isn't my poor housekeeping which had left every square inch of ceiling festooned with Gothic spiders' webs. Fires actually
cause them.
She drew the line at me throwing Ben's wrecked Fiat on the pyre, however. Said we would never have got it through the door.
Jayne x
Posted: Wed 01 Mar, 2006 8:42 am
by Beast
Sorry to hear about thisl Jayne, if there is anything i can do please let us know.
Glad to hear everyone got out. Well done Steve.
Posted: Wed 01 Mar, 2006 10:13 am
by Artist
Jayne has been told that all the foodstuffs must be replaced. A new I'M A SCAMMER SPAMMER!!! sounds on the cards. A clean sweep thoughout the house is also on the cards.
New for old in other words. Got a tad concerned when she eyed me up when that was mentioned!!
Artist
Posted: Wed 01 Mar, 2006 10:38 am
by flighty
The polite young man from the cleaning company has just left after negotiating his way round the House of Horrors.
He reckons two days of hard graft from a team of professionals will sort the rest of the house out, carpets, walls, surfaces, suite etc. The I'M A SCAMMER SPAMMER!!! itself sounds more and more like a total refit. Curtains etc are all off to the dry cleaners.
Bit of an extreme way to get meself out of spring cleaning, though but.
I refused to subject his poor staff to the nightmare of the glory-hole under the stairs ..... I will sort that out meself .... one day.
Best get cleaning then. I couldn't bear the shame of proper cleaners seeing what might be stuffed down the side of the sofa or what there might be stashed at the back of the wardrobe!
Jayne x
Hmmmm .... new for old. Wonder how they are fixed for Italian footballers.
Posted: Wed 01 Mar, 2006 10:51 am
by Artist
Well I aint changing me name to
Julio Droper de Draws for anybody!!
Artist
Posted: Wed 01 Mar, 2006 11:00 am
by flighty
You might have passed for Fabrizio Ravanelli .....
...... a fair few years ago.
Jayne x
Posted: Wed 01 Mar, 2006 11:02 am
by Artist
Sit back in yer chair and I'll plug yer in!!!
Artist
Posted: Wed 01 Mar, 2006 8:11 pm
by sneaky beaky
Be careful with that doggie, Steve. remember what happenned to the last one!!
Sorry to hear about Jaynes house. Please give her my sympathies!!
Sneaky
Posted: Tue 14 Mar, 2006 7:57 pm
by flighty
Oh, the shame of it!
The cleaners have been in today and my house is the cleanest it's been since we moved in in 1984.
I told the boss guy the areas to avoid, such as the knife drawer (full of corks and bottle tops,) the fireplace ... ditto, the cupboard under the sink (
) under my bed (
) Holy fark ..... I am just sooooo relieved I haven't met these poor buggers face to face.
A grand total of 22 corks discovered in the living room!
Knickers and chocolate wrappers under the bed. Long lost photos of pissed up mates ....
Every square inch of no 6 is shiny. No cat shit behind the telly or anythink!
My chum, Nigel, has suggested we have a house fire every spring to save me the bovver!
Just need the decorators and builders in now.
Guess how MY school hols will be spent this year?
Jayne xx
Posted: Mon 27 Mar, 2006 7:39 pm
by flighty
SO seven weeks after the event and we are still living in abject squalor.
The reparations chaps turned up this morning and have left a firkin' great list of jobs to be done and stuff to be replaced.
Well, I knew that, we all knew that ..... we just need some ruddy ACTION!
Sticky / Doc ./Aitch and all you other 'Chit Meisters' do you think I might get a fortnight in the Maldives off the insurance while the hairy-arsed guys are in to sort out?
Jayne xx
Posted: Mon 27 Mar, 2006 7:48 pm
by Doc
Im sending you some hexi blocks and some waterproof matches Jayne
Sod Maldives Im off to sun myself in Chad.......ohh looky another AK47
Posted: Mon 27 Mar, 2006 7:52 pm
by flighty
Would be nice if 'friends' who aren't privvy to the 'Inner Sanctum' got to know your news, Doc!
Chad is pretty warm, I believe. Can you book me in for the last week in July, please?
Jayne xx
Posted: Mon 27 Mar, 2006 7:54 pm
by Doc
Sorrrrry!!!!
Im going to Chad April 15th, with elastoplast and 9mm
Im coming back, then going again
what most impressed them on my CV was my coolness under fire after the firework in the house incident that we dont talk about.........much