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I couldnt be bothered to read all the pages but ill post this one anyway!

A Para is telling his granddad about his first jump. 'Well we rose to 30,000ft and it was my turn to jump next. I approached the hatch and looked down. Suddenly i froze. I couldn't believe how high up we were. I stood rooted to the spot. Suddenly my commanding officer came up behind me and said 'Unless you jump sonny,im gonna shove my dick so far up your a*se you wont be able to sit down for a week!'
'So you jumped' said his granddad.
'Yes i did' said the Para, 'but i got used to the pain after a while............'

Morecombe Council are reassessing their flood barriers after finding a few chinks in the wall

whats brown and sticky?

a stick

whats pink and fluffy?

pink fluff.


harharhaaaaaaaaaarrr!!!

whats green and smells like paint....................yess it is green paint

wheres the best place to make toast in the jungle........under the gorilla

Apparently the Cockle shell heroes were told to leave Morecombe Bay rapidly if the water reached knee high. Typically he went sick that morning!

whats black and white and eats like a horse?

yes that right a zebra..

two sharks swimming in the north sea, one turned to the other and said, I`m getting pissed off eating mackerel all the time, shall we nip to morecombe for a chinese

**Bit naughty this one-but i saw it in the papers so i presume its ok**

2 Met Police officers pull up at a pub to find 5 Tottenham fans kicking the s**t out of a Galatasary fan. Another Galatasary fan runs over to the coppers and says ''Aren't you going to help???'' and one copper says ''No- 5 should be enough!''.................

why do cavemen drag there women by there hair

because if they dragged them by there feet they'd fill up with mud

Noddy wakes up on a sunny monday morning
in a really good mood.
So he figures he should go visit his best friend,Big Ears.
He opens his front door and says"thank you door,for opening"
He walks to the garage and opens the garage door and says"thank you garage door,for opening"
He jumps into his red and yellow car and starts it
"Thank you car for starting"
He hits the road saying"Thank you road,for letting me drive on you"
He gets to Big Ears house and having thanked his car for driving him there
he walks up the drive way saying"Thank you drive way for letting me walk on you"
Opening the gate he says"Thank you gate for opening"
He rings the door bell and says"Thank you door bell for ringing"
Big Ears opens the door.
"F**k off Noddy.
Well, it was funny forty years ago.
Wholley.

Whats the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?

Ones white, plastic and dangerous for kids to play with....the others for putting your groceries in.


During the famine in Eithiopia, McDonald's helped out by sending millions of drinks and straws. They thanked him for the leg warmers.


Im not racist, I hate every c@#t.


(by Roy Chubby Brown)

Two Newfie hunters got a pilot to fly them from St. John's up to Labrador to hunt moose.
They were quite successful and bagged six moose.
As they started to load the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could only take four moose.
The two lads strongly objected saying, "Last year we also shot six moose and the pilot let us put them all on the plane, and it was also the exact same type of plane with the exact same capacity.
Reluctantly the pilot gave in and all six moose were loaded.
However, upon take off the little plane couldn't make it and they crashed in the wilderness.
Climbing out of the wreckage one Newfie asked the other, "Do you know where we are?"
"Yup", said the second one, I think that we are pretty close to where we crashed last year.

Aye - Andy.

St. Johns, Newfoundland - Police tactical units surrounded a downtown hotel today after bed linnen was reported to have been found in the basement.

***SCIENCE NEWSFLASH***
"Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, and couldn't drive. No further testing is planned."